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I really need my kitty back. ( not a nice thread)

(32 Posts)
HadABadDay2014 Fri 14-Mar-14 23:40:53

I really miss her much I can't put away her bed, her food bowls still have water and food in them, her toys are still scattered around the house.

I just want her back ( not possible she has been PTS due to kidney failure )

My children are devastated and still wide awake.

How can I make this pain go away

LisaMed Sat 15-Mar-14 13:49:35

So sorry to hear of your loss. It's okay to grieve. You have lost a family member. This one had four feet and a tail, but they were still a member of the family.

Sending you lots of hugs. It's coming up to nearly a year since I lost evil cat and there are times when it still hurts. I found talking about her or just remembering all the daft stuff helped. It isn't easy. Loss never is.

I can't currently get another cat, but I will be looking out for one soon, as I think that is the best distraction.

oldgrandmama Sat 15-Mar-14 11:14:52

I kept the ashes of my beloved, gentle cat for several years, in a pretty box. Eventually we made a little ceremony, where my then six year old grandson scattered the ashes in my tiny back garden, where the cat loved to go. I took photos and grandson, now nearly eleven, still remembers the occasion.

I had to have her PTS - she was on the vet's operating table, unconscious for teeth extraction and cleaning, when the news came through from the lab. that the large lump we'd discovered a few days before was in fact a very aggressive cancer. At best she'd have a month or so of fast deteriorating health and a lot of pain. I made the dreadfully sad decision to ask the vet not to let her come round from the tooth operation anaesthetic, and the vet agreed it was the best thing.

I could have let her carry on for a month or so, but it would have been for me, not for the poor cat. But I still feel awful about it.

OP, you did the final most loving and kind thing for your cat. Of course you'll all mourn, it's natural, but after a time, the mourning becomes a sort of gentle acceptance.

wowfudge Sat 15-Mar-14 11:08:00

Poor you - I understand how you feel. Having a beloved pet pts is tough. We lost our lovely little cat last year. I still have moments where I expect to see her in certain situations then realise that, sadly, that is never going to happen. It did help me to pack her stuff away. It gave me some closure. I've put everything in the cat basket stored away. We can use it if we do ever get another cat.

Her ashes are in a little box on a shelf. We have discussed perhaps scattering them in a place she loved to sit in the garden.

Imnotmadeofeyes Sat 15-Mar-14 10:23:52

How awful for you and your family BadDay flowers

This might be a daft idea and I don't know how old your ds is, but it might be a cathartic exercise for you all to sit together (grown ups included) and draw a picture of your kit doing something you remember them enjoying - chasing a toy, begging for food, curled up in a warm spot etc.

It's so important to remember the happiness the cat gave you and you returned. We all take on a pet knowing full well they'll go long before us, never mind all the things that can happen far too early in their short times. But we push it all to the side and do it anyway because the rewards for them and us are amazing and unmeasurable. Bluntly the we
Decide that the sadness is worth all the happiness no matter how long we get.

Don't subdue your grief, your kitty deserves tears shed for her life, but please don't let it overwhelm the good - and your families love for that little creature is clear and something precious that can be a comfort in itself.

Forgettable Sat 15-Mar-14 10:06:11

Awwwww poor everyone

losing a pet is so wrenching and upsetting, I am so sorry

crazynanna Sat 15-Mar-14 09:59:23

Sending much love and strength thanks

TheBody Sat 15-Mar-14 09:58:57

so so sorry op. of course it's heartbreaking and of course it's ok for you all to cry. your kids will get over it quicker than you of course but in the meantime be good to yourselves. hugs hugs xxx

KittensoftPuppydog Sat 15-Mar-14 09:53:58

I think that the best tribute to an animal is to get another one, maybe not straight away, but I see it as putting something back when the animal who died gave you such pleasure. So many cats need homes.

Marylou62 Sat 15-Mar-14 09:46:02

I know it's not for everyone and it just happened but we got another kitten only 2 days after our beloved cat was PTS for liver cancer. I was at a friends crying about him, saying his bowl, pillow etc were still out and there was a cat sized place on the sofa. She mentioned that next door had a kitten that was ready to go. I am not joking, he was the spit of George.... he put his little paw on my face. I went home as thought it was wrong... but couldn't stop thinking of where this kitten would go/what sort of life it would have, and being responsible loving cat owners, I had to give him this chance of a life with us. He came home with us that evening and although it did cause some stress with youngest DS 9 years old (HE was sad that we felt we could replace George so quickly) 7 years later, Dylan is 'his cat' now and sleeps with him. Not for everyone I know, but we still remember George. AND.....really odd, we have a big garden and Dylan always suns himself on Georges grave. Big hugs for you all and it shows how much a part of your life they were.

hiddenhome Sat 15-Mar-14 09:29:29

Perhaps you could think about getting another cat. There's always lots of rescue kitties who are in need of a loving home.

It's not a replacement, but might help to fill that kitty shaped hole in your heart. It also cheers you up to see them running around and playing.

Sorry for your loss thanks

harriet247 Sat 15-Mar-14 09:28:02

Big old hug x you just have to remind yourself that your family gave her a wonderful life and she was well loved by all of you, and she will have known that too. Maybe you can plant a little tree or flowers for her for the children as a nice pretty thing to see, and to get you out and about today xx

Lilicat1013 Sat 15-Mar-14 09:22:49

I am so very sorry for your loss, it will get easier over time although it doesn't feel that way right now. Sending a hug x

Mogz Sat 15-Mar-14 09:20:49

I'm so sorry you lost your kitty, sending big hugs to you all.
Did you have her insured? Some pet insurance companies offer a bereavement line, I used it when I lost my house bunny and found it very helpful.

PolterGoose Sat 15-Mar-14 09:02:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

britbat Sat 15-Mar-14 01:26:52

This might help: www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2008/may/03/familyandrelationships.animalwelfare

Plateofcrumbs Sat 15-Mar-14 01:19:51

Losing pets is horrible, I'm so sorry OP.

A good cry is cathartic. When we lost our cat we spent some time going through pictures and talking about her - a bit of a wake. Definitely helped.

Losing a pet can be particularly difficult as in general people expect you to just be able to carry on, but you're grieving a very real loss. We lost our girl early on a weekday morning and getting through a day in the office was genuinely tough. I didn't tell anyone at work about for weeks as I couldn't talk about it without sobbing.

Three years later I can still find myself welling up about it, but the raw grief stage passed quickly.

We had our girl cremated and we keep her ashes and a photo on a shelf in the house - am sure visitors think it's a bit nuts but I don't care!

Big hugs for you and your family and hope you'll be ready to welcome another furry family member into your lives soon.

TidyDancer Sat 15-Mar-14 00:57:21

I'm very sorry for your loss. sad thanks

PansOnFire Sat 15-Mar-14 00:53:20

I'm so sorry OP, I really am.

Firstly, you need to let your DS cry because that's the way he needs to let it all out. Then you need to give yourself an hour (in the bathroom, with a pillow if you think it might make your DS more upset) to just cry, get it all out. It doesn't go away if you hold back, it just builds up.

It's hard, I'm welling up just replying to you as we lost our young dog to an accident a year ago. It still hurts, the sadness is still raw. It does get a little easier as you look back on the memories, they will eventually become memories which make you all smile (through tears a lot of the time) instead of overwhelmed with sadness. But it all takes time. You need to find some distractions for the times that would have been most prominent with the kitty such as feeding time and this might help you to manage the early days.

Time is a great healer.

TalkieToaster Sat 15-Mar-14 00:32:22

Let him cry. Show him it's ok to be sad. It's horrible, but there is nothing wrong with being upset. Tell him how upset you are too.

HadABadDay2014 Sat 15-Mar-14 00:30:19

Got my son crying ATM ( with DH as I can't stop him) i am trying to be positive but it's so hard.

randomfemale Sat 15-Mar-14 00:25:44

So sorry to hear this. ~We lost our darling boy 4 years ago and now have not one but ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''four cats - that is how much we loved that scamp. One bloody cat would not suffice to replace him ( also have a rescue dog too) we live in a fuckin zoo grin

TalkieToaster Sat 15-Mar-14 00:18:17

It doesn't matter how long you had her; you loved her, she was yours and now she's gone. You can't make the pain go away and you shouldn't try right now. It's real grief and I've grieved more for animals than I have for some humans I've known.

Look at photos of her, talk about her with your children and remember what you loved best about her and eventually you'll smile without wanting to cry too.

splasheeny Sat 15-Mar-14 00:15:45

I'm sorry to hear that.

Having to put an animal to sleep is terrible. I have had to do it once and the guilt I felt was immense, even though I knew there was no choice (poor animal was heamorrhaging from cancer).

Time will heal.

SummerRain Sat 15-Mar-14 00:13:14

Oh Had sad I'm so sorry.

It breaks your hear to lose them when they've been such a huge part of your life but as time goes by it really does help the healing process to know they were loved and had the best life you could give them.

The kids will be ok in a few days, and the pain will fade for you as well but be prepared for it to creep up on all of you at odd moments.

In some ways the best way to heal is to invite another cat into your lives, you don't miss the lost cat any less but having another cat to love and care for does blunt the pain

thecatneuterer Sat 15-Mar-14 00:11:38

Unfortunately bochead the OP's cat didn't have a good innings, which makes it so much worse.

I don't think there's anything anyone can say at the moment to make things any better. I'm very upset that this has happened to your poor little girl - as are all The Litter Tray regulars. Our thoughts are with you.

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