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to be annoyed that dp wants a takeaway?

(115 Posts)
nw0401 Fri 14-Mar-14 17:47:25

so im in the middle of cooking tea (honey glazed gammon) and dp has just woke up, come in the kitchen and said he wants a takeaway. I told him ive got gammon on and he said I can have that, him and ds1 will have a takeaway - so I threw a strop! AIBU to be utterly pissed off with him?!

imnotmymum Sun 16-Mar-14 19:41:07

Wow how threads change...never thought my DH was abusive because whined at wanting chinese ...

my2puddings Sat 15-Mar-14 18:06:59

and a lot of time OH does get a choice, just sometimes I dont think he needs consulting if im cooking something I know he likes

my2puddings Sat 15-Mar-14 18:04:17

its fine, he comes home from work, we have a brew and a chat so a quick conversation about tea shouldnt be too hard. I meal plan when shopping for the week but it generally doesnt make much difference what day things are cooked (unless something needs eating up!) so I guess it is a fair comment that some people like to be consulted first rather than just handed a meal (although im sure plenty would be grateful for anything they get)

SinisterSal Sat 15-Mar-14 18:00:43

I'm not at all.

didn't mean it to come across that way - just opposite viewpoints I guess. I'd be grateful if my spouse let me nap and then handed my favourite dinner to me on a plate - so would my DH, luckily enough grin

CannyBagOfTudor Sat 15-Mar-14 17:53:57

Why on earth are you having a go at me, sinistersal? You do realise I'm not the OP's husband, don't you? confused

SinisterSal Sat 15-Mar-14 17:52:37

Then make it yourself Canny, and don't ruin the family budget while doing so! Otherwise it's acting a bit spoilt.

CannyBagOfTudor Sat 15-Mar-14 17:49:29

I'm can't comment on the roaring and stropping, since I didn't say that was reasonable.

What I did say was that I prefer to have some choice about what and when I eat.

SinisterSal Sat 15-Mar-14 17:44:00

If he won't whinge at you for waking him while he's asleep.

my2puddings Sat 15-Mar-14 17:40:38

thanks sinistersal - but I do think it will be better for all of us if we discuss tea before I make it, will certainly make my life easier anyway than having to second guess everyone!

SinisterSal Sat 15-Mar-14 17:10:55

seriously, canny? Why on earth wouldn't you be bloody delighted to awake refreshed from your nap with nothing to do only eat one of your favourite meals which is being handed to you.

That's royal service in most homes and I fail to see how on earth anyone wouldn't be happy about it, much less roaring and stropping over takeaways.

my2puddings Sat 15-Mar-14 16:53:39

canny - im hoping things are going to change for the better so I think it would also be a good thing for us to discuss tea before I start cooking smile

CannyBagOfTudor Sat 15-Mar-14 16:26:26

If that's the way it is in your house then fair enough.

I just know in our house we have a quick discussion first about what we want to eat before either of us starts cooking (we do meal plan, but the days each thing are eaten on aren't set in stone).

my2puddings Sat 15-Mar-14 16:21:00

canny - I always start cooking tea when hes asleep, he generally wakes up starving and eats everything in the cupboards/fridge if tea isnt ready!

last night has made me realise though that im not happy with the way things are and im not prepared to carry on being his skivvy. I think maybe he has realised today as well (I hope). hes done so much cleaning its unreal - and he genuinely seems really happy about doing it!

CannyBagOfTudor Sat 15-Mar-14 16:08:14

I'm going to go against the grain re: the gammon and say if you just started cooking dinner while I was asleep without checking if I wanted it first I wouldn't be that happy about it.

I also wouldn't want to eat straight after waking up.

MusicalEndorphins Sat 15-Mar-14 16:04:09

I am very sorry for you OP. You are allowing this behavior in not saying you refuse to be treated this way.
But if you insist he stays, force him to attend some marriage counseling. It actually can help, that is why people go....if you really want to stay with him, at least turn him into someone with respect and manners who doesn't bully you.

my2puddings Sat 15-Mar-14 16:02:26

im shock ..... im sat here (doing nothing) - hes going round with a cloth and antibacterial spray (and ds1 in tow) cleaning every skirting board, every door/door frame, every window. who is this man?! not sure what to think, is this guilt about last night?!

my2puddings Sat 15-Mar-14 15:41:55

he honestly isnt as bad as it seems. he works hard, and he might not do cooking/cleaning but he does a LOT of work on the house (this last year hes changed the front garden into a driveway, dug all our back garden up and got it looking lovely, and added a big extension) so considering how lazy some men are I think im lucky in that sense. he does have a bit of a temper but not to the extreme some men do. I think ive just somehow managed to let us settle into a bad routine without even realising - where if he wants something I do it/get it usually without question so hes got used to it - but now ive let it get too far, hes used to getting what he wants, if he doesnt he strops. so yes I am partly to blame for letting it get this far (still doesnt excuse his behaiviour I know) and im hoping to try and break this bad habit smile actually having a very good day today. earlier he swept and mopped ALL the floors, tidied ds1 bedroom up, then hoovered ALL the carpets, he also asked me to get something for him, I said I was busy, he got it himself. not quite sure what's gotten into him but im certainly not complaining, at least it's a start.....

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 15-Mar-14 14:17:18

It's a common script, Caruthers unfortunately. I'm with Solid in that it may well turn out this way, unfortunately.

caruthers Sat 15-Mar-14 12:26:16

This man will sabotage your job in a variety of ways - he will cause - or invent - a crisis at home so you need to leave work suddenly; he may phone you repeatedly, or be rude to your colleagues and accuse you of having sex with them.

How in gods name do you deduce that confused

SolidGoldBrass Sat 15-Mar-14 12:07:24

If you find a job, you will still be doing all the housework and childcare. There will be some mysterious important reason why he can't do it. And you might not be able to keep your job for long, especially if it involves you mixing with other people who, you know, treat you like a person and boost your self-esteem. This man will sabotage your job in a variety of ways - he will cause - or invent - a crisis at home so you need to leave work suddenly; he may phone you repeatedly, or be rude to your colleagues and accuse you of having sex with them.
He's effectively isolated you to a good extent already. The core of it is he is an abusive man who dislikes women.

my2puddings Sat 15-Mar-14 10:02:23

im 23, hes 25. so we are still both young, weve been together 7 years, my friends went off to various unis, I had to grow up fast for my kids sake. I think to myself things will get better as we get older and he'll chill out more. his work has stressed him out more this past year or so, he says he'd love to stay at home with the kids doing cooking cleaning etc so ive been thinking about finding a job. only thing is my wage wouldnt be as good as his so we'd have less money and id miss the kids like mad - Im with them 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

invicta Sat 15-Mar-14 09:04:10

I accidentally burnt some food recently. When my husband complained, I found the 'Butterfly's theme tune (apologies to those who are to young to remember his series), and played it loudly. I think hubby went without food that night!

Binkybix Sat 15-Mar-14 08:32:37

Just read this. I hate to say it but I think solidgold has it right.

I feel for you, and looking at what you've written from an outsider's perspective his behaviour is just awful. It's struck a chord with me because I've also got a 9 month old, and can't imagine doing all this with a partner who makes life harder, not easier. Shouting whilst trying to get the baby to sleep?!

You say you're worried about DS growing up without a dad, but I think that would be better than a dad who teaches them to treat their partner in this way. I can understand being frightened of the future if you've been with this man since you were 16, but there's so much more out there.

Best of luck x

MyGastIsFlabbered Sat 15-Mar-14 08:30:51

My heart breaks for you OP. You're defending his behaviour by saying you 'wind him up'. What, by saying he can't have a takeaway?

How old are you & your partner, if you don't mind me asking, he sounds very immature. I'd be interested to know what the relationship between his parents is like. He may have learnt this behaviour from them. And sadly if you let this continue your boys will also learn that this is how you treat women.

Good luck. X

my2puddings Sat 15-Mar-14 07:46:51

im planning on doing. although we'll be out today and my sister will be with us. im pretty sure dp doesnt even realise anythings up.

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