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To decide that, from now on, I'm going to treat people however they treat me?

(13 Posts)
floraldora Fri 14-Mar-14 10:40:44

I am sick to the back teeth of being accommodating to people, being on time, listening to peoples' problems, answering texts promptly, being reliable and generally being a good friend to people, when I literally never get the same thing back from anyone.

I am expected to listen for hours to friends' moans and problems and be supportive but if ever I moan myself or talk about anything to do with me I just get a 'mmmm' back. People expect me to side with them and agree with them but no one is ever committal when replying to me if I ever have any issues.

I have some friends that just sometimes don't reply to texts, then get annoyed if I don't answer their texts immediately.

If ever I try to arrange anything with anyone, even just to pop to someone's house with a birthday present for them, it's met with objections and they seem to be as obtuse about things as possible and expect me to move heaven and earth to fit in around them.

WIBU to start treating people in the same way in which they treat me?

Hoppinggreen Fri 14-Mar-14 10:53:43

Probably not unreasonable but just because someone else is a pain on the arse doesn't mean you have to be.
I would just ignore people like this to be honest or if that wasn't possible to only have contact when they suggest.

MaidOfStars Fri 14-Mar-14 11:07:51

WIBU to start treating people in the same way in which they treat me?

Yes. I understand why you'd want to do this, but you will be a worse person for it. We shouldn't descend to the lowest common denominator.

LoveVintage Fri 14-Mar-14 11:11:31

Yes you would, because you are behaving in the way that people should, and they are not. You should not have to compromise your own standards.

But you can cut yourself a bit of slack, and exercise less tolerance to your friends who seem to be taking you for granted. Bite back - but gently!

BookABooSue Fri 14-Mar-14 11:16:39

YWBU because you would still be letting other people dictate your behaviour because you would be acting like them. You can only act the way that seems right to you. Acting any other way will just make you unhappy.
However, you might need some help on your boundaries so you can comfortably assert yourself and not feel put upon.

SooticaTheWitchesCat Fri 14-Mar-14 11:24:06

I wouldn't be like that. Just because others are rude, selfish and miserable don't let them make you that way too, it wont make you happy and would be lowering your standards to their low ones.

I would try not to have too much to do with people like that, spend more time with people who are worth it.

piratecat Fri 14-Mar-14 11:26:04

Lovevintage has it,

bite back gradually.

it will do you more favours without compromising who you are.

piratecat Fri 14-Mar-14 11:26:45

oops she said gently not gradually,

perhaps a combination of the two?!

twofingerstoGideon Fri 14-Mar-14 11:26:49

They don't really sound like friends, to be honest.

DoItTooJulia Fri 14-Mar-14 11:27:39

Your the better person though and mirroring their behaviour would make you the same as them.

Find better friends.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Fri 14-Mar-14 13:00:44

Tempting grin but I think it's better to tell people when they behave in a way that is unacceptable to you. To set out what you will and will not accept and to simply withdraw from people who choose to treat you like dirt.

Treating people like dirt 'back' is just so unhelpful.

Far better to say no, I will not accept you talking to me like that, stop it. Or to say I am not willing to hang around for hours for you, I deserve the courtesy of you treating my time as as valuable as you expect me to treat yours.
That sort of thing

maybe not that sort of turn of phrase grin that's just how I write grin but that message.

People behave badly because they remain unchallenged. If you just end up as bad as they are, then they turn round and act like you are the bad guy and they never change their behaviour.

And the birthday present thing is just so easily solved - don't bother. They aren't doing you a favour by accepting a gift from you.

Dahlen Fri 14-Mar-14 13:09:39

YANBU to feel like this. The problem is that you are obviously being seen as a bit of a doormat, possibly in a very nice way rather than a sneery way, but it's the curse of being a people pleaser.

It is possible to remain nice and keep your integrity intact while also behaving in an assertive manner that means you don't get taken advantage of.

If you want to see someone with a birthday present and they are non committal, simply say with a smile and no undertone, "oh well, I am busy too. I'll leave it then and you can call me when you're passing to see if I'm around for you to pick it up."

If you're friends are always moaning, instead of sympathising, ask them what they plan to do about it?

I'd also advise streamlining your friends. Quality counts for far more than quantity and good relationships take an investment of time and effort, which is difficult to do adequately if you have lots of friends and a family to juggle.

YouTheCat Fri 14-Mar-14 13:12:43

I don't think you should lower yourself to behave like them.

But I sure as hell wouldn't be buying them gifts or accommodating their whims.

Retreat, OP, retreat and find better friends.

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