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To think it wouldn't kill people to come visit us for once?

(18 Posts)
anothermrssmith Thu 13-Mar-14 22:51:54

DH and I had our PFB 2 months ago. We grew up in the same small town but now live about 30miles away.

Ever since DD was born not a single member of either family has came to visit us we always have to go to them. This wasn't bothering me too much until tonight. We both have grandparents where we grew up who can't really travel up to us so we are trying to go visit once a month, as I say the grandparents can't travel so that's fine but tonight hubby was on the phone to his mum who told him WE need to go visit his uncle with the baby. Uncle and his wife have no health issues that would stop them traveling to us, both drive etc and as im sure most of you know going anywhere with a new baby is a right hoo-haa so why should we be the ones that go to them? Best of it is we haven't seen his uncle in years!

Not only that not once has either set of parents came to visit, my mum has come half way to ours where I'll meet her with the baby and we go for lunch but my inlaws haven't even offered to come up to us. MIL cares for her ill father so on the face of it thats why but despite this they still manage to go visit my SIL and her son every week, SIL lives in the same town I go to to meet my mum, If they're already travelling that far up the road would it kill them to drive the extra ten miles? Or at least tell us they will be there so we only need to drive ten miles instead of 30?

When it comes to visiting hubby's uncle I'm ready to refuse, or at least not go out of our way to rush there IYKWIM. Would that be so unreasonable or should I just suck it up and go without complaining in real life

Kippersbigfeet Thu 13-Mar-14 23:13:16

YANBU. We have lived in our house for 11 years. In this village for 21. My parents have visited a grand total of five times. One of my brothers just the once. Even my so called best friend who we probably visit four times a year has only been to this house three times. We are three hours away from my parents and about 40 minutes from my friend. My DH's sisters never visit and three of them live 20 minutes away. I keep threatening to not go visit anyone until they come to us but always end up going. We extend invites all the time but no-one ever takes us up on them. I am sick of it.

NeverQuiteSure Thu 13-Mar-14 23:21:49

YANBU. We had this from some family and friends. Lots of "you haven't brought baby to visit us yet". We gently reminded them that baby doesn't like being stuck in a car for 2 hours (each way!). When that didn't work, we invited them round for a cooked lunch. When that didn't work we simply ignored. Other gems were; "you never send photos of baby". When we pointed out that we'd emailed quite a few they said "can you print some out and post them". I should mention that they are computer literate and own a printer. I don't think they meant to be rude. I just don't think they thought at all!

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi Fri 14-Mar-14 00:20:43


just travel to them for a visit as and when it suits you. If they want to see more of you they can travel to you

Don't make a big deal of it, just do as you please and if they tell you to visit more smile sweetly and tell them sorry, that won't be possible

It'll be better to get into the habit now while your baby is young

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Fri 14-Mar-14 01:25:35

I wouldn't go out of my way to visit the uncle, though would suggest that MIL holds a gathering at her place and invites all family round for the afternoon. Then you visit all in laws in one go, job done wink.

I would have DH explain to them that visiting them at their house is difficult for you to do frequently, but you would love it if they came to you for a lovely day once a month (or whatever works for you).
Then you have the same talk with your parents.

You need a bit of compromise here, a 50/50 split of travelling. If they won't agree to that then just visit as and when you feel up to it, and if that is just a few times a year, so be it. It is up to them to make an effort too.

HellomynameisIcklePickle Fri 14-Mar-14 04:39:18

That's awful. Can your baby develop a problem eith tge car seat for a while? Just say he's starting to cry when he's put in so you'll have to stop travelling for a while.

SergeantJarhead Fri 14-Mar-14 05:19:36

YANBU. Family and friends should at least ONCE have come to visit you and your DH and PFB. I have family like this mind so I'm too angry to post an even response right now >:{

Wishfulmakeupping Fri 14-Mar-14 05:24:51

Yanbu! Not even once?! Think you should say something or vote with your feet and just stop going until they get the message. We were constantly taking dd out when she was really little to see family then realised if they want to see her they can come to us as well so stopped doing it as much- some have made an effort some haven't

paxtecum Fri 14-Mar-14 05:57:38

MrsSmith: I can see your point.
Maybe the answer is to invite them to your new home.
Start issuing invitations to Sunday lunch.

TheBody Fri 14-Mar-14 06:04:04

smile sweetly and say no as baby cries in the car and it's not good for her or you.

practise 'no it doesn't suit us but you are welcome to come to us'

also your dh needs to tell his mother to butt out re the uncle. not her business. they know where you are so let them visit you.

no is a complete sentence.

Pimpf Fri 14-Mar-14 08:12:35

Just tell them that you are spending this weekend at home, they are more than welcome to visit you, I'm fact you would prefer if it they did, the baby has spent far too much time in the car recently. If they so no it would be easier for you to go to them say, ok, that's fine, not sure when we'll. next be over that way. Leaves it firmly in the court then.

anothermrssmith Fri 14-Mar-14 11:00:02

wishfulmakeup nope not even once! A couple of friends who live near by drop in everyone as then but the only person who has gone out of their way to see us is my best friend who lives about 50mile away, she even took time off work to do it. She sensibly realises that its easier for her to come to us than us to go to her. As I say I have met my mum half way between hers and mine before which is fine (she pays for lunch, lol) and that's not even a 30minute drive so much easier for us just a pain that when the inlaws are there to visit SIL they don't tell us (and we have said to them to let us know when they're going and we'll meet them.

We actually did suggest that everyone goes to my inlaws, we were planning on going 'home' for a couple of nights soon anyway so our grandparents can see DD and thought it would be a way of killing two birds with one stone but nope, seems that doesn't suit the uncle either angry

We'll go when we go, we're in the middle of turning our spare room into a nursery so all hubby's days off spent on that just now,once that's done we'll go

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Fri 14-Mar-14 11:18:05

In that case anothermrssmith I would forget about trying to include the uncle. If he was that bothered about seeing family he would attend a family gathering or arrange to visit you on his own terms. Let him come to you.
I would just concentrate on what you need to get done, and if that means you don't visit anyone for a few months then so be it. They know where you are if it bothers them so much.

5Foot5 Fri 14-Mar-14 13:20:57

30 miles! Is that all? I thought you were going to say 100+ or something.

Of course YANBU. It would hardly kill them to visit you once in a while.

ConferencePear Fri 14-Mar-14 13:49:22

I've begun to wonder if some people think of themselves as 'the visited' and others and others as 'the visitors'. At Christmas the year before last we had a card which said, "We're still at XXX" which we thought was meant to be a rebuke because we hadn't dropped in. This year our card to them said,"We're still at YYYYYY".

Glasshammer Fri 14-Mar-14 14:06:56

This was us. FIL had visited once in 8 years and we were expected to travel. I was very childish after many years and decided not to visit them till they visited us, which is when FIL finally visited. FIL has dogs and uses them as a reason not to visit generally

paxtecum Fri 14-Mar-14 19:33:24

Maybe they think you want time to yourselves and don't wany visitors.

There are many threads on here from women who refuse to have any visitors for weeks after giving birth.

Can you contact them all and invite them over for tea and cakes?

GingerMaman Fri 14-Mar-14 20:18:19

Maybe they don't want to hassle you with all the cleaning and work from that goes into entertaining visitors. It's hard as it is being a 1st time parent?

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