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To think that if I don't try for a baby soon I might always regret it?

(22 Posts)
pyjamaramadrama Thu 13-Mar-14 21:53:09

I always thought I'd have more but the time has never seemed right. But ds is 5.5 now so the age gap would already be quite big. I kind of wish I'd just taken the step a couple of years ago.

I'm really broody, I'd love another, I'd love ds to have a sibling, it scares me how quickly ds is growing up. I'd get a good maternity package from work, but once I went back it would be a big struggle with childcare costs until the school days.

We live in a two bed so could potentially have to move. I don't really fancy sleepless nights, wee, poo and sick all over again, I don't fancy doing two pick ups and drop offs every day, I worry that my attention would be taken from ds too much, I worry about family days out and finding shared interests for siblings of a big age gap, I wouldn't just be able to go to the cinema with ds on a whim after school.

But there's be loads of lovely things about it too, they're not babies forever either and there'd be loads of wonderful family times even if compromises did have to be made.

I feel as though if I don't take the plunge I may regret it in years to come.

Forgettable Thu 13-Mar-14 22:37:37

What's your OHs view?

pyjamaramadrama Thu 13-Mar-14 22:45:01

Happy with one but not opposed to the idea of two.

Mrswellyboot Thu 13-Mar-14 22:48:08

I would go for it if you want a straight answer.

You could go for it in a two bed and if you have the urge for another now, wait a few more years, it might be harder again to feel like going back to the baby days.

But go with your gut.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 13-Mar-14 22:52:13

Do your sums and think what freedoms you have had since DS became old enough to do more things for himself and start school. Then if you haven't already, run the idea past DP. It will impact on the three of you but DS won't get a say.

I think once the urge takes hold it's hard to let go. Saying the obvious but once you are older than 36 the window of opportunity will get smaller. I wonder if the age you are would be a bigger consideration than the ever widening age gap between DC1 and a DC2.

Glasshammer Thu 13-Mar-14 22:54:31

The plus point about that gap is that DS will be old enough to talk about his feelings when baby comes along. DS finds his little bother totally funny, very amusing, very cuddly etc. While my little one adores DS. Its great, he empathises, he mothers and he really considers the needs of his little brother. Yes we struggled with school runs, nappies etc but actually the positives far outweigh the negatives for us. I can really see the livf they gave between them.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 13-Mar-14 22:55:49

Oh just saw OH is not utterly averse to a second. That's promising.

pyjamaramadrama Thu 13-Mar-14 22:59:02

Ds talks a lot about having a baby brother or sister, I've explained that a baby wouldn't really be able to play with him and that even when the baby grew they'd probably like different things. I've told him they poo a lot and cry a lot. His response was that he can cuddle and sing to the baby when it cries and get it a drink. He sees families and says that he wants us to be a 'four family' and he can sit next to the baby in the car. I think it's adorable but ds isn't able to really take on board the real impact it would have on us all.

All of the practicalities tell me no, but my maternal instincts says yes.

Does anyone have a 6-7 year age gap? How did you find it?

JugglingChaotically Thu 13-Mar-14 23:06:19

Yes. Just under 7 years between DCs.
Easy at the beginning as baby seen as glorified toy.
Gets more difficult once out of pram as when little all Activites are fun. Walking lots, museums etc more of a challenge. Good though. And it works.
And older DCs love youngest!

JugglingChaotically Thu 13-Mar-14 23:07:05

Would caveat though. Had totally underestimated cost of ongoing childcare for DC3.

JugglingChaotically Thu 13-Mar-14 23:08:53

And was well over 40 when I had DC3. So no worries there. No more tiring than for older DCs. But I definitely was calmer as were we all. dC3 v laid back as a result.

Fridgedooropen Thu 13-Mar-14 23:11:14

Am watching with interest as my position is similar. Have DS who is 5 and am feeling a strong pull to try for another. DS keeps talking about 'when I have a brother or sister'. The gap doesn't bother me as I always wanted a gap, don't think I would have dealt well with two close together. The major hitch is that our finances are not great and will improve in about 3-4 years from now, but we need to tighten our belts in the meantime. Can't wait around though as I am 40, so really it's now or never. confused

pyjamaramadrama Thu 13-Mar-14 23:14:11

See life is fairly easy right now, I even get to lie in some mornings, but I'm sure that a few years of chaos and childcare costs would be worth it to have an addition to my family, and I imagine that it would get easier again once youngest is 3+?

The other thing is I just cannot imagine loving anyone as much as I love ds. But I imagine that you just do?

BumpyGrindy Thu 13-Mar-14 23:14:12

My sister is ten years older than me and we're very close indeed. She's 51 and I'm 41 and we still talk on the phone daily. smile Age gaps are not important. As a child, she took me out and about...cafes, swings, out with her cool the fair. At home we argued, played games...had fun.

BumpyGrindy Thu 13-Mar-14 23:14:42 do just love them as much as the other one.

pyjamaramadrama Thu 13-Mar-14 23:17:10

Thanks for the perspectives.

Would it be fair to expect two boys to share a room long term or would a move be on the cards either way eventually?

sleepyhead Thu 13-Mar-14 23:23:08

There's a 6.5 year age gap between ds1 and ds2. It wasn't planned but ds2 took his sweet time getting here, so there you go smile.

I love the relationship they have. Ds1 adores his little brother, finds him hilarious, is really patient with him, and is old enough to not really have been affected in any negative way by ds2's arrival (no sibling rivalry at all).

Ds2 is only 11 months, but he lights up when ds1 is around, already follows him about like a puppy and seems a more secure baby somehow - partly personality, but also I think because there are 3 people around him all the time and when he's left with a babysitter he's not on his own because he's with his big brother.

In terms of their relationship later on, well there are never any guarantees and obviously they won't be playmates in the way they might be with the standard 2/3 year gap, but I have several friends who are very close in adulthood to their 5-9 year gap siblings.

I would go for it. Ds2 has brought nothing but joy to dh, ds1 and I. We're poorer financially, ds1 would have had more materially as an only, but I can guarantee he wouldn't swap ds2 for anything. His face absolutely lit up when we told him there was a baby on the way smile

sleepyhead Thu 13-Mar-14 23:25:37

Btw, we moved after ds2 was born. Initially we were looking for a big two bed, but ended up in a 3 bed.

Our feeling was that the boys could have shared for a few years, but the age gap was big enough that it wouldn't be fair to expect ds1 to have shared with ds2 when he was in high school and ds2 was only starting primary.

We'd have planned to move when ds1 was about 11 or 12 if we'd been in a 2 bed.

BumpyGrindy Thu 13-Mar-14 23:36:17

OP I shared a room with TWO siblings! At one point we had a double bed between us! It was the seventies granted but it certainly never harmed us. I shared right until my older sister left home. The middle one left first. We were happy to share. I have a three bed house at the moment and my DDs share because the third room is an office.

mrsstronghorse Fri 14-Mar-14 00:25:21

we were really worried before the arrival of dc2. How will I be ever able to have enough love for him, I cried. The mid wife sighed, curled her lip and grunted "they bring the love with them". It turned out to be true.

I have 4 ds now. They all squabble/ love one another. and the nine year old loves the one year old. And sure, it's tiring but that doesn't last.

If you and your DP want a second, in my experience the joys outweigh any negatives 1000 fold.

Chloerose75 Fri 14-Mar-14 00:27:46

A 6 year gap is good! Me and my brother are 6 years apart and great friends. Go for it.

BeaLola Fri 14-Mar-14 00:46:53

I would do it and fingers crossed it works out for you.

From the tone of your post I think you would regret not doing it more than sticking where you are.

I have an adopted only. My preference in an ideal world would be siblings ........ That said would not swap my DS for the world and firmly believe that things happen for a reason and I would not swap him for anything at all ever in million years - he is my adored DS. There is never the best time to add to your family just the right baby.

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