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To feel hurt at being excluded

(19 Posts)
Emilizz Thu 13-Mar-14 19:33:49

An acquaintance of mine recently split up with her husband. I know her through a dance group that our dds attend. Myself and three of other mums usually chat over a coffee whilst waiting.

It was quite a messy separation as her dh left suddenly without warning and is now in a relationship with a woman half his age .She was upset and traumatised for months.

Most of the mothers got a bit fed up with her being upset and distanced themselves from her.

I spent a lot of time listening to her and met her for coffee several times. I just listened and gave her some contact numbers for solicitors etc.

I didnt criticise her ex or get involved with vrry personal stuff as didnt want her to feel embarrassed etc. Thankfully she's now starting to feel better.

She put a post on facebook etc saying how much she wanted to meet all the dance mums for coffee and included everyone except me.

Although were not close friends, I feel a bit hurt that the people who werent interested in her when she was feeling low are the ones who are all meeting up for coffee.
On the other hand, the person who replied to her texts/phone calls gets excluded.

mrscumberbatch Thu 13-Mar-14 19:41:13

Yanbu to be a bit miffed.

For all you know though she could be inviting them all out to tell them how shite they've been though?

Bowlersarm Thu 13-Mar-14 19:47:57

That is quite hurtful.

Are you sure you aren't included?

If you definitely aren't, just try and rise above it and treat her normally.

Maybe she has some strange thoughts that she already has you on her side, but needs to 'gain' back her old friends.

jonicomelately Thu 13-Mar-14 19:52:49

She shared way too much with you and wants to move on now. She doesn't want to acknowledge that, which is why she's excluding you. I would try not to take it personally.

Emilizz Thu 13-Mar-14 19:54:13

No I definitely wasnt included. The other two had been tagged in her post asking to meet up for coffee.

formerbabe Thu 13-Mar-14 20:02:28

I would be upset too op.

My thoughts are that maybe she thinks anytime you and her meet, the conversation is going to be about her marriage break up and is now trying to move on and hence this exclusion.

MuttonCadet Thu 13-Mar-14 20:05:50

'maybe she now counts you more as a friend than a dance mum?

EverythingCounts Thu 13-Mar-14 20:08:21

That is shoddy behaviour on her part.

FunkyBoldRibena Fri 14-Mar-14 07:05:02

She will regret it, and is a fair weather friend. Steer clear.

ohfourfoxache Fri 14-Mar-14 07:19:23

Yanbu at all.

Perhaps she wants to try to build bridges with the other mums whilst "knowing" that she has your support.

Or she's embarrassed at what has gone on and she wants to get to know people who don't know as much about her situation.

Or she is genuinely a fair weather friend and a bit of a user.

Whatever the reason, yanbu to feel hurt but I'd recommend keeping a bit of distance between you, for the moment at least.

Glasshammer Fri 14-Mar-14 07:20:13

How silly of her to want to be with the fair weather friends!

HellomynameisIcklePickle Fri 14-Mar-14 07:24:53

Horrible, yanbu.

Depends how you like the other people but I'd be tempted to write 'and me I hope'. Don't isolate yourself it could just be an error

Emilizz Fri 14-Mar-14 07:54:43

Thanks for all the replies. Yes I think that she probably is a bit of a user. I'm a very busy person with work, interests etc and went to a lot of trouble to make time for this person when she was down

I did not expect anything in return but at the same time it was hurtful to see a facebook post along the lines of missing everyone so much ( as her child no longer attends the class) and naming the people she wanted to invite for coffee!!

ikeaaddict Fri 14-Mar-14 08:16:32

I'd just treat her like a casual acquaintance in future. Be polite but don't get into conversations with her, and don't offer her any further advice or support.

ikeaaddict Fri 14-Mar-14 08:17:16

And I'd delete her from FB too!

fluffyraggies Fri 14-Mar-14 08:24:19

When was the last time you got together? Did she mention trying to reform her friendship with the other mums?

If the last few times you met up was out for coffee just the two of you then perhaps she sees you as a 'one to one' fiend now. Have you suggested a one to one meet up with her recently? If not perhaps she feels she needs to back off?

fluffyraggies Fri 14-Mar-14 08:25:24

fiend! lol grin


Emilizz Fri 14-Mar-14 08:25:48

Yes I think you're right ikeaaddict !

redskyatnight Fri 14-Mar-14 08:44:33

Um - my first thought was that she didn't lump you in with "dance mums" anymore.

My 2nd thought was that she'd missed you out accidently.

It bemuses me that people call other people friends and then assume the worst when they do stuff like this. Why not just say "Can I come along too?"

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