It was 10 years ago this year which I think is why I have thought about it recently. I was 24, had been with the guy 8 years and he'd proposed, god knows why, the relationship was shit tbh and we were already both bored to tears with each other. we genuinely really loved eachother (in a teenage way) for the first couple of years, but the relationship had run its course a couple of years in but neither of us dared admit it I don't think.
By the time he proposed, I'd already had several dalliances behind his back over the years, in fact I was meeting up and snogging some other guy secretly in the months running up to the wedding (i know. awful of me)....I don't know why the hell i agreed to get married, i don't know why i didn't run a mile before even being proposed to.....guess I was just scared of the unknown, I had been with him so long, he was all i knew, and honestly felt that no one else would want me
oh god the months running up to it were horrendous, it was like being on a runaway train, I just wanted to get off but daren't tell anyone, as everyone thought we were so perfect (lol if only they knew). I felt so trapped. the whole thing was a joke, the honeymoon and everything just a big charade
I can't believe I stood in church and said vows I knew i didn't mean :( I cant believe I let my parents and his parents fork out thousands for the wedding, the reception, etc. I am quite ashamed tbh and I honestly think if I ever won the lottery or anything I would pay them back, every penny. if any of my dcs did what I did I would be ashamed of them.
the "marriage" lasted less than a year. I got pregnant (somehow, god knows how as I never wanted to even shag him) , we argued the whole pregnancy, he was vile to me and it was horrendous, i just thought WTF have I done. but i had ds, and chucked H out when ds was a tiny baby. I then met my now dh when ds was a year old and as cheesy as it sounds it was just instant head over heels love for both of us, completely different in every way from what I had with exH. and when I married my now-H in a quiet registry office ceremony I meant every word and wanted it 100% and it was honestly the best day of my life. he took on ds, we have a dd together and expecting another very soon.
luckily exH and I get on ok now, and he has a good relationship with our ds. But, i cringe looking back at it all. and it wasn't even like i was some silly teenager, i was 25 fgs. has anyone else had / done similar? please say its not just me!
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42 replies
balenciaga · 13/03/2014 16:45
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