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To ask if you were an only child do you think you missed out on having a sibling?

(118 Posts)
widdle Thu 13-Mar-14 16:02:36

Also inspired by the thread on asking what made you decide on a second child I just wanted to rephrase the question slightly differently. If you are an only child did you feel lonely/sad etc or do you think it had a negative impact on your life?

We have one son and the only thing that is making me consider a second is that I feel he might be missing out on having a sibling.

aworkingmummy Thu 13-Mar-14 16:09:17

In the same boat widdle, will be interested to see what people reply with.

Mandy2003 Thu 13-Mar-14 16:13:16

No, absolutely not. DS is an only child too and he says he would hate to have a sibling.

Meow75 Thu 13-Mar-14 16:13:36

My best friend at school was an only child and I was insanely jealous of her, but I have an older brother who was, and still is, a complete tosser and my life would have been just about idyllic without him.

The only thing I would say is have another baby because you want one not because you think your son needs a brother or sister - and definitely don't say it to them - that caused me no end of trouble as the younger sibling!!

charlietangoteakettlebarbeque Thu 13-Mar-14 16:14:31

my other half is an only child. He has never said anything to me about it until a few months after we had our first child. I said I would be happy to have only one, but he said he would hate our little one to not have a sibling, that growing up without a brother or sister was not nice.

He is a man of few words and I was in shock he even told me that TBH. Its made me think twice about having another one.

In the same breath though, I grew up with a lot of hatred for my elder sister, who used me as a punchbag. I sometimes feel she ruined my childhood!

Sorry I know thats not really answering your question is it grin

rpitchfo Thu 13-Mar-14 16:15:35

I've been asking friends this who were only children. I've spoken to two so far who said they were lonely growing up and that it is their belief that it is because they had no brothers or sisters. Both now on their 30s.

CheeseandGherkins Thu 13-Mar-14 16:16:32

I'm an only child and would love siblings, I really feel I've missed out on a sibling relationship.

parttimer79 Thu 13-Mar-14 16:16:35

I never felt lonely as a child as I did what I imagine most children do and spent a lot of time with friends. I actually find it harder as an adult that I have a small family and feel solely responsible for mum, and sad that when she is not around that I will only have my dd who is immediate family.
But that would not be a good enough reason to me to have another child, there are far worse things than not having a sibling

mymatemax Thu 13-Mar-14 16:18:22

my friend is an only child & recently lost both parents, she said she has no one left in the world to share her childhood memories with.
She feels so sad & alone.
BUT she said as a child she loved being an only child.

violator Thu 13-Mar-14 16:18:25

I can't understand how people say they miss what they never had!
Kids with siblings can be lonely and adults frequently look back on their childhoods and feel it wasn't perfect in many ways.
My brother has three kids close in age and they do not get along. Completely different personalities, and they would rather chew their own arms off than sit in the same room, let alone do things together.

Being alone and being lonely are very different things.

ProfYaffle Thu 13-Mar-14 16:19:38

As a child I was very happy being an only. Now I'm older I wish I had siblings, especially seeing my 2 dc and how they play together. It's not a big thing though, I don't feel my life's blighted or anything!

My parents are both from big families so I know having siblings isn't always roses. It does annoy me though when people say that having siblings doesn't guarantee that you'll have a good relationship with them. No it doesn't, but it does give you a chance. The only people who can guarantee how much siblings support they'll have as adults are only children.

melika Thu 13-Mar-14 16:19:59

I'm one of five and wouldn't know who I was without them. My oldest brother died suddenly and I was absolutely devastated, no one can tell you the utter sadness of losing a sibling.
Now my eldest sister has a nasty cancer and I am dreading the inevitable.

We are a gang, no one can break up.

StillSeekingSpike Thu 13-Mar-14 16:20:22

I wasn't lonely as a child- in fact, being very sociable and not able to rely on siblings for company meant I always went out and met friends. I have found that friends with siblings can sometimes be more insular and only mix with them.
My mother and father were not particularly close to their siblings, which probably influenced them in the sense they didn't have a rosy view of family relationships.
My friend is one of 8, and one of her brothers doesn't speak to anyone in the family, including their mother even though he lives 1 mile away!

Surely you can't miss what you have never had?

I have a brother and a sister, not that close, my bro lives in another country and my sis a few hours away - they stress me out to be honest.

DS is an only - I sometimes feel bad for him but he knows no different. Just because someone has a sibling does not mean they are going to get along.

mistlethrush Thu 13-Mar-14 16:21:45

I wasn't lonely in the least. And I'm sure I had lots of benefits of being an only too - particularly being able to take up 3 instruments - I can't imagine that this would have been affordable if I had had siblings also learning instruments. DH has a brother - he has more contact with several of his friends.

Guitargirl Thu 13-Mar-14 16:21:47

I was an only child and I was desperate for a sibling. I remember reading on here a poster saying that she felt growing up as though her parents were a couple with a child rather than a 'family' as such. That is exactly how I felt. But am not saying for a minute that that is the same experience for every only child. It just felt to me as though whereas all my classmates were off doing fun sounding things on the weekend my parents seemed to think it wasn't worth doing any child centred activities with just one child. So we almost never went on holiday and spent our weekends either at home or in DIY shops.

Primrose123 Thu 13-Mar-14 16:22:01

Yes, I am an only child and feel that I missed out a lot by not having a sibling. I spent my childhood mainly around middle aged or elderly adults and often felt that I didn't fit in with other children. I was lonely too.

I was determined to have at least two DC so that my DD would not be an only child. DH is an only child too, and our DC have no cousins, uncles or aunties.

WillieWaggledagger Thu 13-Mar-14 16:23:07

i'm not an only child, but i'm the only girl with lots of brothers. i always wanted a sister, especially when i see female friends with really close relationships with their sisters, but then i see others who really don't get with their sisters, and who's to say which sort of sister i would have had? i'm lucky really that i have a pretty good relationship with the brothers i have

WillieWaggledagger Thu 13-Mar-14 16:23:56

sorry, what i mean by that is, as others have said you could have a sibling but still not have the 'sibling relationship' you are after

violator Thu 13-Mar-14 16:24:11

I guess it depends on how an only child is parented then?

Primrose123 Thu 13-Mar-14 16:24:49

And like Guitargirl we never did child oriented activities.

Tinpin Thu 13-Mar-14 16:25:22

My mother was an only child and since I can remember has bemoaned her lack of siblings. I think she feels it even more since my father died. Selfishly my sisters and I all wish she had siblings as well as we wouldn't be her only source of family. I am also pro siblings because I get on so well with mine and my children are also very close. I guess it's different if you grow up with a brother or sister you hate!

Twistiesandshout Thu 13-Mar-14 16:25:34

Yes I'm an only and I hated it growing up and hate it now. All the pressure and attention was put on me and I found it all too much. As soon as I had dd I knew I didn't want her to be an only too, so had ds. I live on the otherside of the world from my (separated) parents and feel guilty everyday that they are alone and don't see gc or me sad if I had a sibling I'm sure I'd feel less guilt sad

RalphRecklessCardew Thu 13-Mar-14 16:26:39

No. It's a bit like asking me if I'd have liked a best friend called George or three extra aunts, or another colour in the rainbow. Nothing against any of those things, but the lack of them isn't a gaping hole.

misskatamari Thu 13-Mar-14 16:28:40

I'm similar to a lot of you in that it didn't bother me as a child but now I'm older I would love to have siblings. I only have my mum and an aunt who are close to me and my mum is in poor health and that's sometimes hard to deal with alone.

Personally I want more than one child as I think it would be nice for dd to have siblings and I want a big family if we can, however there's nothing wrong with being an only child and I did enjoy it overall.

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