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AIBU to ask my MIL to do up her trousers?

(157 Posts)
JayoftheRed Thu 13-Mar-14 11:05:09

Hi all, I'm new here but wondering if I'm being a bit unreasonable about my MIL's trousers.

I have one son, he's 14 months and about 4 months ago I went back to work. Thankfully, my mum and MIL stepped up and offered to help with childcare as there's no way I could afford to send him to a nursery.

My MIL has him a day and a half a week, and everything is fine, we get on OK (although not great - I don't see her outside of dropping DS off if I can manage it). The thing I think I might be unreasonable about is that quite often when I drop him off, she answers the door in a pair of trousers with the zip undone. She doesn't wear long tops to cover it, so it's perfectly obvious to anyone, and you can see her knickers. I don't like it, I think it's totally unnecessary - she has other trousers.

I have mentioned it a few times "Oh, MIL, your trousers are undone" type thing, like anyone might. But she just smiles and says "yes, these trousers don't fit, I wear them to remind myself to lose weight."

She hasn't ever lost any weight, not to the point where these trousers will do up anyway, and besides, she's not a big woman by any means, (maybe a size 12?) so doesn't really need to worry about it, IMO.

I've mentioned it once or twice recently, but she really doesn't seem interested. I'm really not comfortable with her having DS with her pants on display; she takes him out to playgroup and to the park and library etc, with her pants on show for all to see.

Am I being unreasonable that I really don't want my son out with her like this? I don't think it's suitable for an older lady who isn't his mother (however much she'd like to be) to be showing her underwear. I also feel that it's hypocritical - when I wear little strappy tops where you can see my bra straps, she tuts and says it's inappropriate.

Sorry for the length, but I'm wondering, should I insist that she wear trousers that fit when she's looking after DS or should I just leave it?

LaurieFairyCake Thu 13-Mar-14 11:06:59

Have you tried saying 'nice blue ( or whatever colour) knickers'?

Maybe she doesn't realise you can see her underthings?

StarSwirl92 Thu 13-Mar-14 11:07:35

Leave it.

It's not worth the hassle.

CaptainHammer Thu 13-Mar-14 11:08:52

You needn't be worried about your DS, he won't care!
However the fact that she does it in public for everyone to see is a bit odd! She clearly isn't going to change though..

JonSnowsPout Thu 13-Mar-14 11:08:53

Does it matter?

PostHocErgoPropterHoc Thu 13-Mar-14 11:09:24

She sounds very strange, but I don't think it's going to do your ds any harm.

Sirzy Thu 13-Mar-14 11:10:56

Why does it matter? Its not something I would do personally but if she is happy then leave her to it

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream Thu 13-Mar-14 11:12:47

None of your business I'm afraid. Be grateful she's willing to make such a huge commitment to YOUR DS. 1 and 1/2 days a week, every week, is a very generous commitment. Don't start trying to dictate what she wears

holidaysarenice Thu 13-Mar-14 11:15:31

Full day childcare 60 quid, 1/2 day about 40? Total = 100

When you pay you can demand uniform. Until then she is not staff.

Oh and pfb won't notice yet or care.

Only1scoop Thu 13-Mar-14 11:16:07

Maybe she pulls the zip down just to piss you off....and howls to herself as you leave grin
She looks after you dc....leave her alone. You have told her I'm sure she has more than one pair that do fit.

fluffyraggies Thu 13-Mar-14 11:17:16

How odd! confused

What sane person goes out routinely in public with their flies open and their knickers on show?

OP i'd wait till she next tuts about your bra straps and then gently ask if she'd mind wearing the trousers which fit her when she's out with your son. In all honesty i'd be embarassed by a family member doing this.

gertiegusset Thu 13-Mar-14 11:18:40

How come they don't fall down?

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream Thu 13-Mar-14 11:18:41

grin @ Only1scoop

justmuddlingalong Thu 13-Mar-14 11:18:56

Unless they're crotchless knickers, YABU. And quite ungrateful.

betman Thu 13-Mar-14 11:19:33

I agree with the others. Her trousers, her choice. If you have a problem then pay for child care elsewhere.

TheBody Thu 13-Mar-14 11:19:50

oh dear op if I were you I would put up and shut up.

your mil is being very helpful taking care if your son for you and saving you a shed load if cash. she might tell you to get stuffed if you start criticising her dress sense.

btw why do you see so little if her generally?

is she only good enough to provide free child care?

i don't think it's suitable for a woman if her age/she's not his mother however much she would like to be wow op just read that in your post.

you really are a peach arnt you?

Procrastinating Thu 13-Mar-14 11:20:08

I think this bothers you so much because you don't like her. Try to work on that and ignore the pants.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream Thu 13-Mar-14 11:20:11

Fluffyraggies it's not ok to try to control someone just because you might find them slightly embarrassing!

Janethegirl Thu 13-Mar-14 11:20:30

It wouldn't bother me. Does she go out with these trousers on, or only wear them in the house? She may just put them on first thing in the morning and change later.

HotDAMNlifeisgood Thu 13-Mar-14 11:21:19

Sounds daft, but harmless.

TheBody Thu 13-Mar-14 11:22:25

also how do you know she doesn't do them up when she leaves the house?

TheBody Thu 13-Mar-14 11:24:25

yes follow fluffyraggles advice but first investigate nursery and cm fees as if you were my dil/dd you would be needing them.

gertiegusset Thu 13-Mar-14 11:24:32

she takes him out to playgroup and to the park and library etc, with her pants on show for all to see.

Really? and she hasn't been arrested yet?

Only1scoop Thu 13-Mar-14 11:25:34

I mean are we talking a little zip gap knicker flash....or full on builders cleavage grin

gertiegusset Thu 13-Mar-14 11:25:57

Is it her front bottom or her back bottom you can see?
Like her bum crack?
hmm

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