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to ask how old your pfb was when you first left them for around 8 hours?

(125 Posts)
MamaSmurf99 Wed 12-Mar-14 22:42:39

My pfb was around 18 months old before I left her for this amount of time. I'm not saying that's right or wrong, it's just the way it worked out with breastfeeding, not having any family around etc. ExHs baby with new gf was born on Thursday night. I took dd over on Saturday for her to meet the baby and his gf had gone to her mum's, leaving the baby with him for at least the 8 hours dd was there. I know its none of my business, their choice and so on but wondered if it was odd that I wasn't away from my pfb for so long and if many people leave babies while so young?

coffeeinbed Wed 12-Mar-14 22:45:39

Didn't her m

theeternalstudent Wed 12-Mar-14 22:46:33

I HAD to leave DD overnight at aged 9mths. It made me ill for weeks just thinking about it. Didn't have a choice though. Had to be done. Then after that it was when she was one and I went back to work part-time.

I understand why you are questioning it but I would imagine nothing good will come from questioning their parenting decisions.

Bogeyface Wed 12-Mar-14 22:47:30

4 days

I was taken back in on Xmas Eve for treatment after a badly botched birth and discharge and they said that as they were busy DD couldnt stay with me because she was bottle fed. She was bottle fed because I had breast surgery and couldnt feed her sad

ilikebaking Wed 12-Mar-14 22:47:58

First night we were home, no sleeo for four days, forumla milk on hospitals insistance, my husband took the baby, I slept.
The baby was with her dad, right?
Stop being so judgey and mean.
We then left him overnight with his grandma at six weeks.

coffeeinbed Wed 12-Mar-14 22:48:58

Didn't her mum want to see the baby?
My mother would have sent me back for baby if that was me.

But no, I don't think I would have left a newborn for that long.

Bogeyface Wed 12-Mar-14 22:49:49

And maybe she trusts him to look after the baby while she had a rest at her mums.

Bogeyface Wed 12-Mar-14 22:51:09

Also, how old is your DD? I cant say that I would be thrilled at being a few days post partum with another child (and the ex!) in my house. If he is capable of looking after the baby, why the hell not go and have a nice relaxing time and catch up on her sleep?

I dont see the issue here. You wouldnt do it, so dont.

MamaSmurf99 Wed 12-Mar-14 22:52:18

I'm not being mean, I'm a little concerned for her tbh. Dd has said she's spent a lot of time crying or in bed recently and so I wanted to see if leaving the baby is unusual or not. ExH wasn't comfortable and was very flustered so it wasn't like he'd volunteered to take baby, he'd had no choice

Solo Wed 12-Mar-14 22:52:44

17 weeks as I returned to full time work. And he was EBF whilst he was out of my care for up to 15 hours a day.

MamaSmurf99 Wed 12-Mar-14 22:53:53

That 'other child' is the baby's sibling confused

I was just dropping dd off, not staying to chat.

Finola1step Wed 12-Mar-14 22:54:34

Yes I think it's a bit odd but I'm sorry OP, it's not your place to ask questions. You would be best t

Finola1step Wed 12-Mar-14 22:54:59

Be best to keep well out of it.

Bogeyface Wed 12-Mar-14 22:55:43

She was what....3 days post birth? Of course she was crying, isnt 3 days traditional "baby blues" day?

She has just given birth, may well be in pain and will be utterly exhausted, I would be spending my time in bed in fact I did. And while I agree that your DD needs to meet her sibling, 8 hours is a long time, and from what you have said she has been there several times.

Perhaps an hour or two every day would be better than 2 full days at the moment?

Did your ex ask her to go around? Do you think that he discussed this with her or told her that DD was spending the day there. You know him, what is more likely?

FanFuckingTastic Wed 12-Mar-14 22:56:25

2 days old, back into hospital for me. Then every friday night spent with his granny to allow me opportunity to get well. Then every weekend with his dad at 9 months old as we split up.

I can't remember with DD, not for a while as I was breastfeeding this time around and she was an extremely difficult baby to care for.

ilikebaking Wed 12-Mar-14 22:56:41

The man is the childs father, uncomfortable or flustered, it is tough!
You need to take off your sanctimonious hat.
I cried for hours every day for the first four weeks of my pfbs life.

rabbitlady Wed 12-Mar-14 22:56:49

erm... nearly five years old, when she started school? even that wasn't eight hours. sometimes (rarely) she stayed with her grandparents overnight, so that would be eight hours or more. probably from about three years old?

Bogeyface Wed 12-Mar-14 22:57:15

That 'other child' is the baby's sibling

I know, but from her pov your DD is her ex's child, she may not have made the sibling connection yet (his child and our child iykwim) and may to her just be another problem to deal with when she has just given birth.

StarGazeyPond Wed 12-Mar-14 22:57:24

4 months - for 2 days and nights. He was fine smile

And, no, he wasn't breastfed as he was lactose intolerant.

TheNightIsDark Wed 12-Mar-14 22:58:04

5 weeks. He stayed with MIL overnight. Crippling PND, no bond, no urge to protect him blush

It was fucking horrific. I still feel guilty and judged. DS2 has just turned 6 months and he has only just gone to someone else for more than an hour or so.

BeaWheesht Wed 12-Mar-14 22:58:25

5 years old


MamaSmurf99 Wed 12-Mar-14 23:00:00

The crying etc has been for the last few months of the pregnancy.

Bogeyface Wed 12-Mar-14 23:02:46

Whats your ex like? Was he supportive of you during your pg? Did he cheat, was he abusive?

Just wondering if old patterns are repeating themselves.

She does sound very unhappy, and for that alone I wouldnt judge her for going to her mums for a break.

TheNightIsDark Wed 12-Mar-14 23:03:00

But what is it to do with you? Honestly? She may be depressed, she may have a lot going on, scared of being a mum etc. who knows.

Eastpoint Wed 12-Mar-14 23:03:28

7 months, I went out on a Bio-Station vessel tagging turtles. One of the best days of my life & completely memorable.

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