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found pictures of me on hubby's PC - don't know what to do.

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mummyinbonniescotland Wed 12-Mar-14 19:55:34

Tonight I went onto hubby's pc. He works from home as a photographer. He had lots of pictures up. I closed down some of his folders, but as I was closing one down, I saw it was pictures of my privates (I was a bit absent minded so didn't pay much attention to what it was until I'd hit the x button)

So there were pictures of vaginas. I was a bit wtf? Then I caught sight of one of me, smiling, lower half naked, legs akimbo, on my couch, wearing clothes I recognise.

I don't remember ever posing like that or for pictures of my vagina.

Actually I have once, but that was a close up of a boil on my vagina that I wanted to take to my doctor's appointment (it was a recurring boil that was always gone by the time of the appt so dr had asked me to take a pic next time).

It was taken by DH on my phone and he handed it immediately back to me and I deleted it off my phone after the appointment which was that day.

So i have no idea where all these pictures come from. I'm quite a private person, and I'd never pose for pictures unless like I said above to take a picture to my doctor.

I'm confused and digusted right now. My DD could have come across this, or my hubby's colleague who often comes to the house, or my very prudish parents.

I did confront DH who says he has no idea where the pictures came from, he doesn't remember me posing either apart from that dr appt one. He did a search and couldn't find the folder I closed. I wish I hadn't closed it but I wasn't paying much attention til the last second.

He did keep asking me to go and fetch his phone, cos he was running late for an appt with a client but now its going through my head, did he want me gone so he could hide the evidence?

I have come across porn videos before and porn sites in his internet history which he keeps saying is a virus/pop ups etc. I have never really believed him but I kind of let it go I admit.

This is different though. These are pictures of me that he appears to have taken. To perhaps look at in his own time? But I don't remember posing for them and I never would either. Even if I had, I would have expected him to delete them immediately, not leave them on the PC for someone to come across such as DD.

I just feel dirty and disrespected. I don't know what to do. I've been with him for 16 years now, married for 9, he's my best friend and I know he's never been with anyone else - I do know where he is all the time (he works from home, my parents live in the same street, we have mutual friends).

I don't know what to do, please help!

NC for this

LondonNinja Wed 12-Mar-14 19:58:31

Photos can be streamed to your other computer devices via wifi. It shares the lot!

However, the extra shots you don't recognise sound rather dubious... We're these dodgy?

LondonNinja Wed 12-Mar-14 19:58:53


YouTheCat Wed 12-Mar-14 19:58:59

He's denying all knowledge of something that only he could have taken pictures of?

Sounds very very odd.

fedupandexhausted Wed 12-Mar-14 20:00:51

But how would he take pictures of u legs akimbo without your knowledge? Could he have photoshopped someone's else's vagina into your bottom half?

GinnelsandWhippets Wed 12-Mar-14 20:01:09

Oh how horrible. No advice I'm afraid as I have no idea what I'd do in this situation. My first thought was that he'd photoshopped them e.g. Taken a normal pic of you and combined it with a porn image. Weird thing to do though.

I guess you need to talk to him about it again. He can't just say 'it wasn't me' when they were on his computer.

mummyinbonniescotland Wed 12-Mar-14 20:01:57

there was only one picture of me that I could see, the rest were vaginas. I'm not sure if it is my vagina...
The pic of me was a thumbnail, I didn't open it to see properly. but it was me, on our couch, wearing a jumper I recognise as being mine with my lower half spread and naked.
So just one picture that's definitely me or photoshopped...(which he is able to do)
He does deny all knowledge. But he hasn't said 'sorry' or even 'oh my god wtf?' just 'I don't know', 'I don't know'.
My feelings towards him have changed now, I feel like I don't know him.
I'm so upset sad

CoolaSchmoola Wed 12-Mar-14 20:02:14

As he's a photographer I'm sure he has the ability and software to photoshop pictures to show anything he wants...

That could easily explain why you have no memory of posing - because it never happened. He just built these pictures of you.

LettertoHermioneGranger Wed 12-Mar-14 20:02:19

This is very, very alarming.

The best case scenario is you were both too drunk to remember this photoshoot.

The worst, I think, is the possibility your husband may have drugged you or otherwise knowingly impaired your judgement enough for this.

mummyinbonniescotland Wed 12-Mar-14 20:02:35

I keep searching the computer and I can't find it. I think he's deleted it or hidden it.

mummyinbonniescotland Wed 12-Mar-14 20:03:30

Letter - I don't drink, never have. and the pose of the picture looked like a happy consenting picture not under the influence of anything, but I don't remember it!

AgentZigzag Wed 12-Mar-14 20:04:38

Isn't it in the history of the computer?

Very odd if he's denying he's taken them, do you believe him?

I use the internet for work and some things I look up for clients are pretty dodgy but I've never had even one porn pop up.

Do you know anyone knowledgeable who can look at the computer for you? See what they can find?

DrCoconut Wed 12-Mar-14 20:07:33

The old pop up/ad/don't know where it came from is an old chestnut and a load of bollocks. Sorry but having seen where this sort of thing leads it needs to be had out and stopped now. It's a potential deal breaker. If you're both OK with any sex stuff fine but going behind your back, lying etc is a huge huge red flag for me.

defineme Wed 12-Mar-14 20:07:39

He photoshopped you- it's really obvious - it's highly unlikely he drugged you or something-you'd remember the aftermath.

So he has a secret porn habit and part of that is fantasizing about you in a pornographic way.

How you feel about that is for you to decide.

I think the fact he created secret images of you without your consent and is now denying it would break my trust.

Wantsunshine Wed 12-Mar-14 20:07:51

Were you asleep maybe when he took the photos?

OpalQuartz Wed 12-Mar-14 20:08:00

If he has photoshopped the pictures, then I suppose it is good that he is looking at pictures of you, rather than someone else. It is fairly normal for men to look at pictures of vaginas I would think. It isn't anything peverse he is looking at. I can understand what a shock it must have been for you though to see yourself like that.

AgentZigzag Wed 12-Mar-14 20:15:02

I would be very uncomfortable with a DP even photoshopping pictures of me to look at Opal, it's not a compliment at all.

It's the consent/control thing, you'd have to ask why would anyone want to sidestep that, and what kind of person that'd make them.

What else is he doing if the thinks that's OK?

LettertoHermioneGranger Wed 12-Mar-14 20:16:25

I realize that came off rather alarmist. Photoshop is certainly a possibility, I seem to jump to the worst conclusions.

His dodgy behavior is certainly suspicious as is the factyou can't find the photos now.

mummyinbonniescotland Wed 12-Mar-14 20:16:29

whether or not I posed for them, I think the bigger issues for me are that he had them on his computer for anyone to come across and that he's looking at me in a pornographic way without my knowledge. It tells me he sees me like a porn star, it doesn't say respect to me sad

mummyinbonniescotland Wed 12-Mar-14 20:17:48

I don't know what to do/say when he comes back from his appointment with his client.

Plateofcrumbs Wed 12-Mar-14 20:22:02

Looking at porn and feeling a bit sheepish about it is pretty normal behaviour. Photoshopping pictures of your wife semi-naked is no-doubt less common, but still not exactly out-there in sexual fantasy terms.

Quite what you want to do with this knowledge (and I'd say very likely that is what this is about) is down to you. What was your attitude to the links to porn sites you found before?

MyNameIsInigoMontoya Wed 12-Mar-14 20:25:22

Can you search through your "normal" photos to see if you can find the original of the sofa picture (assuming it was photoshopped)? If you find the identical top-half picture that would confirm how he got (made) it.

NatashaBee Wed 12-Mar-14 20:26:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeaAndALemonTart Wed 12-Mar-14 20:27:06

How would he have a photo of you in your clothes half naked and you not know anything about it?

That's unbelievably awful of him.

mummyinbonniescotland Wed 12-Mar-14 20:29:45

plate, the porn videos/sites were all things he had asked me to do. Some I didn't mind doing, in the privacy of our own house, with no pictures obviously! Some I did refuse to do. So the fact I recognised the scenarios iykwim told me it was no virus/pop up.
He doesn't feel he gets enough sex or BJs. So I think he is resorting to this.
I should be angry about the porn but although I'm not comfortable with it, I don't feel angry. I'm confused that I don't feel angry. Maybe its more him wanting me to be like a porn star that's upsetting me.

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