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Feel like DD & I have betrayed our friends

(90 Posts)
Joolsy Wed 12-Mar-14 18:29:31

DD goes on school camp soon. All the pupils going got to write down 1 friend that they wanted to be in a cabin with. When we first put their names down for camp, DD's friend (M)'s mum said it would be good if our DDs put each other's names down and I said I'm sure they would as they are close friends. However another girl (K) is going who is also a good friend of DD and probably has more in common with her and would probably have a better time sharing a cabin with. K & my DD decided to put each other's names down but not to tell M so as not to upset her. M assumed that DD would be putting down her name. Now M's mum (who is also a friend of mine) has found out - she's not angry but it may be that M is paired up with one of the unpopular girls in the class and I'd feel really bad if her experience of camp is ruined because of this. I haven't denied or confirmed whose name DD put down but I don't want to lie but how do I say that DD put down K's name as they felt they'd get on better sharing a cabin? I could ask that the 3 of them share a cabin with someone else as well as this could be possible but I feel one of them will be left out. How to handle it? Thanks

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter Thu 13-Mar-14 12:33:21

Thank you Nigella grin

Does anyone know of any dads who micro manage their kids friendships? I don't. Is it a women's thing then? How sad.

OP, you said "one of the unpopular girls", no amount of back pedalling can change that.

Your statement was clear and I am glad so many took you up on it.

Roshbegosh Sat 15-Mar-14 07:42:46

You need to keep your petty nose out, this level of control is weird. M has learnt that people can be two faced and dishonest. Your DD didn't tell her so as not to upset her eh? Where is the logic in that? She was upset in the end wasn't she, and lied to by someone she thought was her friend.

Comeatmefam Sat 15-Mar-14 07:44:47

I'm afraid I agree with others - you are not only micro managing your dd's friendships and being crazily melodramatic ('betrayed'!!!!!!) but your use of 'unpopular' speaks volumes.

Why don't you stop defending yourself and listen to the views on here and think about your behaviour?

mynameisnotmichaelcaine Sat 15-Mar-14 07:56:17

Some of you are being a bit disingenuous here. DD is Year 5, and has had terrible trouble with some of the girls - swearing at her, kicking her etc. I would absolutely not want her sharing a room with them on a residential.

ParanoidLucy Sat 15-Mar-14 07:56:38

Are parents actually like this? Engineering friendships and dividing young girls up by their perceived popularity. I have heard it all.

You need to step back . This is kids stuff and you are sounding foolish.

Mynane, so would you describe those girls as "unpopulad" or as "bullies".

We know what unpopular means (not many friends, not seen as cool, does not get invited by others).

Obviously bullies are often not popular, but to equate "bullies" with "unpopular girls" is what is disingenuous.

Comeatmefam Sat 15-Mar-14 08:27:22

I just asked my dd, year 5, what she thinks of this. She has a school beginning of year 6.

Now my dd is absolutely terrifying very strong minded, has children she strongly likes and dislikes in her class...her view?

'Oh my God it's so embarassing her mum is involved! Mum promise me you will leave this all to me and not write about it on Mumsnet!! And also I wouldn't care if I ended up sharing with NAME OF GIRLS SHE DOESN'T LIKE because you don't always get what you want and I'd be with my friends all day anyway'.

Comeatmefam Sat 15-Mar-14 08:27:45

School trip beginning of year 6, sorry

mynameisnotmichaelcaine Sat 15-Mar-14 08:53:09

They are pretty unpopular because of their behaviour, yes! But no, I would probably not describe them that way.

Comeatmefam Sat 15-Mar-14 08:56:41

And, come on, the OP didn't say in her OP 'My daughter has suffered bullying at the hands of X and I don't want her to end up in a room with her' did she? She'd have got completely different responses if she had.

Floggingmolly Sat 15-Mar-14 10:44:33

Apparently they are, paranoid. If you've ever wondered what happens to the school bullies after they leave, look no further than this sorry tale.
They have kids, then proceed to stage manage their interactions with their peers from outside the school gates. Sickening.

Roshbegosh Sat 15-Mar-14 11:02:18

OP would feel very differently if K and M excluded her DD and didn't tell her because it would upset her. Butt out OP.

HolidayCriminal Sat 15-Mar-14 14:16:19

Some of the most gossipy people at DC primary are dads, well-involved.

If I were OP I'd text back something like "Sorry, I guess those were [DD's] choices, she hated having to choose." and leave it.

Actually, 6th grade camp was for me (as one of the unpopulars) a revelation. I bunked with a completely different school and so was treated like a normal person. I found this very freaky (not to be constantly bullied by peers). Start of a wakeup call.

DC School LIED. they said everyone would be in a room with at least one person they had named. Instead they stuck DS in with a bunch of kids he didn't choose or like or know (or name). So he refused to cooperate & we had to go fetch him after 90 minutes. £85 well wasted. Am very very wary of school residentials now; over my dead body will DS2 ever go on one.

anothermakesthree Sat 15-Mar-14 15:54:03

Wrong on so many levels. On my dd1's camp form, they
were allowed to put one name down...'somebody I would like to get to know better'. Much healthier, the rest was random allocation to mix friendships groups. These kids were in yr6 and by then pretty much knew everyone in their class.

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