to reject a party invitation because of the party activity (football)

[bassingtonffrench]

This is really on behalf of my DS who I think is being unreasonable but I don't know how to change that.

DS has been invited to an eighth birthday party by a friend in his class. it is a five a side, company run football theme party. DS has said he won't go because he doesn't like football. He is really consistent about not liking football and is almost a bit phobic about it. Basically he knows he's not good at football and he can't deal with that.

he likes the child and has known him for years. He doesn't get that many party invitations, perhaps because he has a habit of isolating himself in this way, so I'm keen for him to go.

Should I go all out to persuade him? Perhaps by finding out who else is there? It would be reassuring to him if there are girls for example. Or should I just let it lie, accept his preferences, and politely decline?

[BillyBanter]

Its brave to admit to not liking football if you're a boy.

Also I don't think making him go to an activity he doesn't like will make him isolate himself less in general our increase party invitations.

[goldenlula]

I would decline it if he doesn't want to go.

[ProlificPenguin]

If it were me I would find something cool that clashes with party that you have "forgotten" about. Saves angst all round and other activity takes DS's mind off football party?

[redskyatnight]

My DS doesn't like football either but has gone to football parties. He puts up with the football bit (which has generally turned out not to be all football but normally some random running and other ball sports thrown in) for the party bit. I think on the basis that he tends to isolate himself, I'd try to encourage him if possible.

[bassingtonffrench]

Thanks BillyBanter . I'm actually very proud of him for not being 'typical boy'. He knits and does birdwatching

However, it would be nice if he were a bit more open minded about football. he literally won't kick a ball in the park.

Also, the party boy lives on our street so a decline will need to be done carefully. Or can I just tell them the truth? He doesn't like football and he doesn't want to come...?

[WooWooOwl]

I'd arrange something else for that day so that your ds can decline without having to feel bad about not wanting to go.

My ds is also a little bit militant about not liking football, and I'm quite pleased he has the guts to stick by his own real preferences rather than feeling he has to like it or pretend he likes it because of the peer pressure.

[Waltonswatcher1]

It's his choice ! Applaud him for not being a sheep and for having the confidence to know what he does and doesn't like .

[Ilisten2thesoundofdrums]

My Ds has a similar hatred of football and has declined invitations because it was a football party.
One mum at another activity party which he didn't want to do, kindly invited him to the meal afterwards so he didn't miss out. Is this a possibility if you explained his hatred of football?

[WilsonFrickett]

He doesn't have to go - my DS would rather cut off his legs than go to a football party. I would invent a prior plan (and as they live in the street and small boys aren't always good at white lies, you'll probably have to carry the prior plan out).

TBH, I think it shows that he is held in high regard by this boy so I wouldn't worry about him being isolated - my DS wouldn't be invited to a party like this, because he doesn't like football, so he isn't very good at it, so he wouldn't get invited. But he'd still feel about the lack of invitation and stress about it for weeks.

[chrisrobin]

My son doesn't like football or rugby (considered a crime in his school!) he would rather play hockey. He is his own person, not everyone likes the same things. He wouldn't want to go to a party like that and I wouldn't make him, I would politely decline- I'm sure there will be no issue around it at school as there will be other people who can't make it for other reasons.

[littlebluedog12]

How well do you know the mum? Can you have a chat and find out how much football there is actually going to be? It might be, for example, 30 mins football, 30 mins party games, 30 mins food, which might not be so bad?

Or can you arrange to bring him a bit later so he misses the activity but still gets to go to the party?

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

If he doesn't want to go then no, don't make him. It's a shame as he would probably have a great time but then if he HATES football maybe he wouldn't.

My 11yo DS doesn't like football - has caused many a problem sadly regarding friendships or lack of friendships but he says its boring and he hates it!

[diddl]

If he doesn't want to go then I would be OK with that.

But what's with all the "take him somewhere else"??

Why?

He's declining an invitation by choice!

[Stuporwoman]

I think he's old enough to decide for himself and it sounds like he won't budge anyway. Might be no harm to explain the situation to party boy's parents so there won't be misunderstandings. I would love if my boys loved football but there's just no natural ability there and I do remember the misery of being forced to participate in ball sports even though I was crap at them.

[bassingtonffrench]

Thanks all.

I am somewhat reassured to hear about these other football hating boys. LOL @ cutting off legs rather than go to a football party! Sometimes I feel that DS is the only one like this but clearly not.

[pancakesfortea]

I've been to football parties where a couple of kids didn't join in with the football. It could be fine, but check it out with the mum first. Explain that your son would love to mark the day, and join you for a bit of cake but gets really anxious about football. Could he drop in at the end for cake and happy birthday? She might be pleased to have one more football place to offer to another child.

[OddFodd]

It's his choice. My DS doesn't like football or bowling or any sport (he's got dyspraxia). He was recently invited to a bowling party by one of his closest friends and I checked several times that he wanted to decline and replied to the mum the same day we'd got the invite, explaining why he wasn't coming. He also explained to his friend. It meant his friend could invite someone else who did want to join in.

They're still mates and I'm still friendly with his mum. And he didn't get a replacement treat - he was fine with it!

[Sparklingbrook]

I would go for what pancakes said. If i were the Mum (I have 2 football mad DSs) I would totally understand and say your DS can come after for food and cake if he wants.

DS1 did attend a lot of swimming parties and he hated swimming-just seemed to be the thing one year.

[LadyGardenersQuestionTime]

My DS hated and still hates football. He would also not want to go to a football themed party at this age, and I wouldn't make him.

Not liking football - or indeed any sport much - made DS different and that was isolating for him. But your kids are who they are. Celebrate his independence and unwillingness to go along with the crowd. Sticking to his principles has meant my DS doesn't drink, smoke or have pregnancy scares either and is completely financially secure and independent. He is also happy in his skin.

Being a round peg in a world full of square holes is tough on a child as well as on the parents.

[AWimbaWay]

I've just turned down an invitation to a football party on behalf of my 6yr old football hating Ds. Admittedly I lied and told the parents that unfortunately we already had plans that day (which was kind of true, but to be honest something that could have been re-jigged).

I didn't see the point in him going if he was just going to be miserable, not particularly great for the boy whose party it is either.

[Sparklingbrook]

How do the football hating children get on at school in Games?

[123Jump]

We have had this very situation.
I just explained that DS hates football-which everyone we knows is aware of anyway-and invited the birthday boy over for a play another day.
YABU to make him go, IMO.

[Nanny0gg]

How do the football hating children get on at school in Games?

Same as it's always been I suppose.

They spend an hour of shivering misery every week.

[Sparklingbrook]

Oh no Nanny. Is it that bad?

Although shivering not confined to football.

[TwelveLeggedWalk]

I'd say to the mum that you think you'll struggle to make it in time (you'll have to go out... ) but would it be ok to drop in at the end to give his present and maybe have some cake.

Then you can subtly find out the running order for the day.