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To think it's funny how people that are persistantly late get annoyed if you refuse to wait for them?

(28 Posts)
malteasereaser Wed 12-Mar-14 12:18:40

A friend of mine is always, always late. The more times I meet up with her, the later she gets. Often we will arrange to meet somewhere and after waiting for 15 minutes or so I will phone or text her, only to find she hasn't even left home yet.

Yesterday I arranged to meet her in the town in which she lives, which is about a 20 minute journey for me by car. I got there and waited and waited. She didn't answer her phone or reply to my text so after waiting for half an hour with no reply from her I decided to go home!

When I got home she had sent me quite a snotty text saying that she had had a very busy morning and that I should have waited for her. I replied that I too was having a busy day and that I didn't have time to wait around for her. She didn't reply again, and so I am guessing she has got the hump about it.

It reminds me of an incident a few years ago with a different friend. A group of us met up every few weeks for a meal, and every week without fail she would be late, and we'd wait and wait for her before we ordered. One week we all ordered as another member of the group was in a hurry that particular night. Late friend arrived as we got served our main courses, and had a bit of a hissy fit that we'd been inconsiderate and hadn't waited for her!

Why are people like this? I'm going to refuse to tolerate any lateness in friends from now on!

LaurieFairyCake Wed 12-Mar-14 12:22:34

I never wait. People I meet up with always say they're going to be late and I order for them.

Anyway who didn't tell me they were going to be late and didn't call when I got there would be dumped.

Callani Wed 12-Mar-14 12:31:50

YANBU - being persistently late is just a sign that they value your time less than their own, hence the hissy fit when you show the same disregard to them.

angelos02 Wed 12-Mar-14 12:37:01

YANBU. Never wait for people like this. It just enables their behaviour. If it is a one off, fair enough but not repeat offenders.

canyou Wed 12-Mar-14 12:38:44

I was meeting my DSis today she is always late so I askked her to ring /text as she was leaving home so we would arrivd at the same timd she forgot to text until she arrived at the cafe and got snotty with me because she had to wait 10 min until I arrived hmm I hate waiting so now always arramge to meet at a shopping complex where I can window shop

CaptainHammer Wed 12-Mar-14 12:39:58


ShadowOfTheDay Wed 12-Mar-14 12:43:08

I am one of life's always punctual folk.... I don't put up with lateness either.... I just go if they don't turn up in 20min - or text me with a valid reason ("traffic" is not included - I had to deal with it too and got there on time!)

hmm strangely, all the people who matter to me have only ever turned up late once...... realised I mean it and take the trouble to be on time in future

(or one ingenious friend who tells me 20 min later than everyone else.... so she can sometimes be early and no one else is rude enough to turn up 20 min late on top of my 20min! I know what she is doing, but choose to "play along" and turn up at the time she has asked me to.)

CoffeeTea103 Wed 12-Mar-14 12:56:45

Whenever I am due to meet someone i always make sure to text/ call before leaving so that I can time meeting up around the same time. Saves the waiting around.

Grumbliest Wed 12-Mar-14 13:08:35

Yanbu, I'm always on time, even with wriggly toddler using public transport in the rain!

AMumInScotland Wed 12-Mar-14 13:23:58

The only way I've found of dealing with these people is to meet somewhere that you can have fun without them, and don't actually care if/when they can get their arse in gear.

There's just no reason for always being late. If you are late, you need to bear that fact in mind next time and adjust accordingly, barring anything that couldn't possibly be predicted. If you are always late, it's because you don't actually think it matters enough to change your behaviour.

One of my teenage friends did this - we used to call round for her on the way to the pub/party and find she was still not ready. She wanted to drag us into whatever drama she was enjoying in her life at the time which had made it impossible for her to be ready on time. We started saying we'd meet her there instead. Strangely enough she could get ready if the fun was somewhere other than where she happened to be at the time.

WhoDaresWins Wed 12-Mar-14 13:38:26

YANBU. Not only do they get pissed off if you don't wait, they also get highly pissed off if you mention the fact they're always late. They never laugh it off.

I'd love to do a psychological study on it.

Egusta Wed 12-Mar-14 13:45:32

I'd love to read a psychological study on it. Pisses me off too.

I have a friend who is always late.... I mean it is almost a pathology. She is not just 20 minutes late, but 60-90 minutes late. Once her DParents invited us to sunday lunch for 12.30. We waited until nearly 2 pm for her, then her mother finally said she would just serve up. DFriend did not arrive until nearly 4 pm and was pissed off that we had finished.

Her excuse is always the same - running errands, or she dropped in to see someone or something.

StrawberryCheese Wed 12-Mar-14 13:57:58

Yanbu. I have stopped contacting a friend because of this. She hasn't once picked up the phone to me which speaks volumes. She was always 45/60mins late and I put up with it for so long. I gave up waiting once and she was gobsmacked. Final straw was that she was late to my wedding, almost missed the entire ceremony. To this day she hasn't mentioned it or even apologised. She has no respect for me, that much is obvious now.

LRDtheFeministDragon Wed 12-Mar-14 14:31:48

I admit, I do run 5 minutes late with friends sometimes.

I had a mate who would be hours late. It was sort of funny when we were students and she was the dappy one who had to be dashed to the exam hall in a taxi by her tutor (!), but the last time I saw her, I'd gone to her birthday in central London, found the pub, and met up with a mate of hers who I'd never met. She eventually got in touch 45 minutes later saying she and everyone else were on the way, and they got there two hours later. She knew I had to go somewhere else, and she didn't bother to chat or open the present I'd brought until I told her I had to go now. At which point she was shocked and upset.

I've not seen her again, although I periodically get pathetic little messages about how much she'd like to catch up and what a pity it is I'm too busy for friends. hmm

Life is far, far, far too short.

Dawndonnaagain Wed 12-Mar-14 14:56:52

It's outrageously rude, I do not tolerate it! YANBU!

HebeJeeby Wed 12-Mar-14 14:57:18

My DH is like this - I always say the only thing he will ever be on time for is his own funeral as I'll be in charge of that. He drives me to distraction with his timekeeping and was late for our first date - I should have known then!! Yet keep him waiting and it's the crime of the century.

YouTheCat Wed 12-Mar-14 15:10:58

Everyone is late occasionally. The odd 5/10 minutes here and there due to unforeseen circumstances is fine. Anything more than that and regular lateness is just disrespectful and bloody rude.

People like that are usually so self-absorbed I do wonder why anyone would want to be friends with them in the first place.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 12-Mar-14 15:12:49

My ex-H was like this. He thought everyone les was less important than him. Note the 'ex'. He used to regularly leave the house after the time we were supposed to be there. Never did it with his very fancy job, though. Strange that.

summertimeandthelivingiseasy Wed 12-Mar-14 15:18:24

I have an ex-friend who I used to give a lift to for social occasions. She was never ready, so I used to tell her I would be there 5 minutes before I was going to be. She would wait for me to knock on the door, then start getting read then!

I am usually very patient, but she took the piss in many other ways, which is why she is an ex-friend.

babyheaves Wed 12-Mar-14 15:19:11

I never wait either. I'm always punctual, or call and let people know as soon as I can if something happens to make me late. I hate lateness.

Its so bloody rude and selfish.

thatswhatimtalkingbout Wed 12-Mar-14 15:20:43

The latest (most consistently late) person I have ever known turned out to be EA (when I was with him for 3 years). He was 45 minutes late for our first date, and I was waiting outside a station, and it was cold and rainy, and no one had mobiles then. I nearly didn't wait, I am not sure why I did. had I left I would probably never have seen him again and that would have been for the best.
It turned out to be something he did always.... and I.... decided only to make arrangements with him to meet somewhere where I could sit down and order a drink. Oh god. Someone go back in time and shake me.

In his case, it was about power and it was about asserting the importance of his convenience relative to everyone else's.

Looking back on it, on being with him, there was always drama about logistics. Everything was far too much trouble for him. Transport, timing, tubes, taxis, everything looms large as being this massive stress.

The day I broke up with him I was supposed to meet him in a pub near where we both worked. He didn't turn up and I was getting more and more embarrassed as my workmates, who came for "one drink" with me, didn't want to leave me on my own and were hanging around out of kindness, and I was feeling like a complete pillock at his failure to turn up. Somehow having other people witness this made it obvious to me what a shit he was. After an insanely long time I went home and called his home number, he was there. He said he had been to the pub but hadn't looked downstairs. I didn't believe him, or if I did, why would you turn up and not look in the whole pub before giving up? He was such a lazy shit and a liar too, maybe both in this case. I told him he needed to come over to talk. He refused. I said I was taking his stuff to the bin on the corner and I never wanted to see him again. He turned up, he had left his new laser printer at my house. I can't bear waste, I do wonder if I would actually have been able to put the printer in the bin. God what was I doing with that guy.

Consistent lateness means something.

He actually said to me one day "Foremost in your mind should be my convenience."

RedFocus Wed 12-Mar-14 15:59:02

I never wait and will not tolerate lateness.
My family turned up 2 hours late for Christmas dinner last year so we've decided that we are not hosting again. We are going to the local restaurant instead! wink

quietbatperson Wed 12-Mar-14 20:22:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Smilesandpiles Wed 12-Mar-14 20:36:05

I have NO time for people like this at all.

The last straw was this:

Due to meet a friend and we were to have lunch together. She was already 1/2 an hour late to pick me up (she has form for this) when she sent a text to say she was on her way. By that time I had already left (I don't drive) and went to the shopping centre on my own for an hour. I came back home pissed off with her but happy after getting done what I needed to. 20 MINUTES later she turns up and asks if I'm ready to leave!

Turns out when she sent me that text she wasn't on her way at all, but having coffee with a neighbour AND drove into town before coming to meet me in the opposite direction.

I'm done with her and people like her.

Patchouli Wed 12-Mar-14 20:54:25

I had a friend who lived in town so would always suggest calling for her on the way to whatever venue we were going to.
I'd get to hers and THEN she'd start to get ready. I'd find myself sat at her flat waiting while she had a shower, ironed her outfit, changed her mind about necklaces etc.
I used to stew about all the things I could've got done if only I'd known we weren't going to be going anywhere for another hour and a half.
I did start meeting her out instead, but she'd be really late. And get there expecting me to find the little things that had delayed her hilarious.
Cos she's 'ditsy' and 'laid back' hmm

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