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To find MIL's email a bit loaded/ annoying?

(86 Posts)
AndSheRose Tue 11-Mar-14 22:39:14

Have cut and pasted almost exactly the content below:

Hi there AndSheRose
You must be having a very busy time - when we did FaceTime, Mr AndSheRose looked shattered and you were having rest! Joys of young children! We've been looking at xxxx website, as that is what Mr A said was a good idea (for DC's bday present) and does DS like...(seemingly spurious question here about preferring blue or green)...
Hope you are well apart from tired.
Love from MIL

To put in context: we don't communicate much on email and DH does sometimes act all martyrish to his parents re: workloads etc. Day in question DH had definitely had a more restful time than me - I got up v early with our toddler, I took our other DC to a class several miles away during toddler's nap time etc - but naturally the few minutes I was having a cup of tea in peace, they FaceTime each other.
Feel like MIL has basically sent an email under pretence of needing advice about a present and in it implied I am not taking a fair share of the load and DH is getting raw deal - not true. (I am currently SAHM, DH works full time, normal hours, hence we are both busy). Has been winding me up all day and we are supposed to be going on holiday with them soon and now I just don't want to go (not in petty way, I just don't feel as excited about it any more).
Obviously it could be interpreted as innocent chit chat, but she can be quite shrewd in her point-making. What do others think?

Mouthfulofquiz Tue 11-Mar-14 22:43:25

I didn't read it like that at all... But it's hard to say as it all depends on the relationship you have, which puts it more into context. Sounds like you were very much within your rights to be having a rest!!

Custardo Tue 11-Mar-14 22:45:20

nope doesn't read that way

get some rest!

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Tue 11-Mar-14 22:45:50

"He wore me out with all the sex."

too much? grin

It does sound rather pointed, doesn't it? tbh, I'd annoy her by replying as though she meant to be genuinely concerned.

Thanks for asking, so kind of you, yes I was rather tired. X likes green/blue/whatever.

Balaboosta Tue 11-Mar-14 22:46:28

It's fine. Don't be offended.

Cranky01 Tue 11-Mar-14 22:46:53

I would see a dig, and would email her something equally vague but pointed back.

householdchorewhore Tue 11-Mar-14 22:47:02

You're paranoid OP. Probably the tiredness wink

CarolineKnappShappey Tue 11-Mar-14 22:48:07

You are being a little over sensitive. But if you want to you send a pissy PA email.

NotALondoner Tue 11-Mar-14 22:48:54

It's a dig.

PomBearWithAnOFRS Tue 11-Mar-14 22:49:16

"Dear MiL, DS likes green/blue whichever and will love the thingy I am sure.
I am surprised you think MrA looked shattered as you put it, he had done absolutely nothing all day, and had a lie in that morning - I wonder if he might be sickening for something, I shall have to send him for a check up just in case. Still old age comes to us all, as you will know.
Love AndSheRose"

Fairylea Tue 11-Mar-14 22:49:31

Seems fine to me! Seems to acknowledge you're both tired and worn out with young dc.. seems like harmless attempt to make chit chat.

KurriKurri Tue 11-Mar-14 22:49:47

Well obviously I don't know her, and she may wll have form for pointed remarks, but I read that as her saying you both must be very busy, and then giving two examples that show she realises you are both v.tired (i.e. DH looks shattered, you were having a rest) - not that DH looks shattered because he does everything and you just have rests all the time.

I would ignore it, or just answer her querie about the birthday presents.

MollyHooper Tue 11-Mar-14 22:50:34

I think she meant it as 'He looked shattered and you were so tired out you needed a rest'

Her sympathies were for you both IMO.

meerschweinchen Tue 11-Mar-14 22:53:52

I completely get how frustrating it is about the tiredness thing. My dh manages to do that sometimes. He'll talk about how tired he is or how many times the baby woke up. And he only knows that, because I told him, he doesn't have to get up in the night! So I can see why the email has wound you up. However, I doubt it was meant nastily. I think you might be reading more into it, because of how you were already feeling. I think it's quite nice that your mil asks your opinion before buying presents. I don't know her, so I might be completely wrong, but she does sound quite considerate.

If you really think that comment was barbed, and it is still bothering you, why don't you just reply, answering her question, and then somehow set her straight on who really does the most childcare!

cerealqueen Tue 11-Mar-14 22:57:53

Just ignore it - its email, easy to take offence. But I read it as sympathetic.

MomOfTwoGirls2 Tue 11-Mar-14 22:57:55

Ha ha to PomBears response. Made me giggle.

CarolineKnappShappey Tue 11-Mar-14 22:59:03

Dear MIL, DH is shattered. He is working so so hard. He is such a great Dad. Especially when I have all my little sleeps! But I'm sure you know that I am so grateful that I can just leave most of the childcare to him.
Love DIL

Botanicbaby Tue 11-Mar-14 22:59:53

what kurrikurri and mollyhooper said.

I read it the same way OP, think she was trying to empathise with you both on the joys of young children not having a specific dig at you for being tired/insinuating DP does all the work.

If she has form for pointed remarks then this one could be a case of the boy who cried wolf.

deakymom Tue 11-Mar-14 23:05:39

yes my mil does this too claims her son looks so tired and he must have been up ALLLL night with the baby (umm no his xbox actually) poor thing he does SOOOOO much (seriously he makes a dent in the sofa reading a book all the time!!) when she comes over i make him make the coffee and strategically place my 13 year old where she can see her so when she makes the claim her son does everything my dd does this shock then hmm then finally notices me who looks like grin she takes the point and tells him he should do more (i like her again then!)

BillyBanter Tue 11-Mar-14 23:06:14

I'd read that as a dig, more so when you put it in context.

DomesticDisgrace Tue 11-Mar-14 23:09:39

I definitely see a dig!

DomesticDisgrace Tue 11-Mar-14 23:12:47

grin Pombear

tmae Tue 11-Mar-14 23:15:48

I'd see it as a dig too.

sykadelic Tue 11-Mar-14 23:17:58

I took it that she worded her email properly and meant to say "must have been a hard day if DH looked so shattered and you were needing a rest already"... as in she'd noticed you both looked weary.

Of course if she has form for passive aggressive stuff then she may have been implying that you were rested while DH was run ragged.

Either way she doesn't know the full story! You could either reply with why you were tired or just ignore it. If you wanted to address it I'd make it brief and something like "your timing was impeccable. First 2 minutes I've had to myself all day! Love those little rascals though."

Then address the present stuff and then ask after her. Saying that email is much easier for you to catch up because you can do it on down time.

sykadelic Tue 11-Mar-14 23:19:27

"...worded her email improperly..."

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