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To be so sad for DD

(6 Posts)
phoebeflangey Mon 10-Mar-14 23:17:54


Ex asked to leave by me 18 months ago, following very messed up and emotionally abusive marriage, and 15yr relationship. Since he left, he continues to lie compulsively to his family and to his gf (who he "met" three months after our split). He has moved in with her and her two DC's, and is in and out of work all the time (jobs just don't pay enough for him he says) and his communication/relationship with our dd is horrible.
This year for example, he has seen dd(12) for 1 hour - he lives ten minutes away - and asked her to get money from me so that he could see her again. He has this knack of only communicating with dd when he knows we are doing something nice, like when we are on holiday or our weekly trip to a friends - he goes weeks without texting her, rarely sees or speaks to her, but this wkend he wanted her to ring him as he had no credit?!!! He informed dd that he had a new job but has refused to tell dd this weekend where his new job is, as he said she was getting the information for mummy. He said to Dd "you need to realise that i am not with mummy anymore" - Umm I asked you to leave I understand? Try being a father for once you muppet.

I just feel so bad for DD, and don't know how to handle it, I get so bloody angry with him, even though I don't see/talk/text him?

FreudiansSlipper Mon 10-Mar-14 23:24:52

how awful sad

let her express how she feels even if her expectations are high she will come to terms with who her father is in her own time

just keep telling her what a wonderful person she is how much you love her and how lucky you are to have her as your dd

you can not explain why he does the things he does and rant on here or with friends

Sars123 Mon 10-Mar-14 23:36:41

Since when does it cost money to see you kid. If he lives 10 mins away he could take her to the park or something that's free. I dont blame you for getting annoyed. Sounds to me as though see gets plenty of love from you though, try not to let your frustrations show! Tbh I think that's all you can do. Defo sounds to me as though you need a good rant though, get it all off your chest.

phoebeflangey Tue 11-Mar-14 10:17:22

I just feel so mixed up, I still miss the person I fell in love with and the man I thought he was, and it seems that just when I'm having a better week he surfaces to remind me he will always be in my life.
He blamed me only last week for his drug habit and for trapping him to become a father? He spends time (money doesn't even matter anymore) with her dc and takes no concern over our dd at all? He didn't even know the names of her pets (which we bought two years before he left) and had to check on dd's age on her birthday?!!!!

BlackholesAndRevelations Tue 11-Mar-14 10:56:24

Substitute alcohol for drugs and you have my waste of space "father" right there, op sad your dd is better off without him flowers

BlackholesAndRevelations Tue 11-Mar-14 10:57:29

Oh and also my mum didn't pine for the man he used to be, either. You're both well shot of him! Don't let him infiltrate and spoil your new life xx

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