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Aibu or how could I be more supportive?

(12 Posts)
CeliaFate Mon 10-Mar-14 20:12:02

Dh is going through shitty time at work. 12 hour days, working on weekends, dealing with complex stuff (he's the boss).
So I'm keeping the home fire burning -dealing with kids, housework, working part time, saying nothing when he works late and I have to cook twice.
Fine, I have no problem with that.
Yesterday he starts being cold, distant and avoiding eye contact. Monosyllabic, grumpy and unwilling to converse.
I put it down to stress. Ask him what's wrong. He says "nothing".
Tonight I cook twice again, put tea on the table and ask him what I've done to offend him. He says "you could be more supportive." When I ask how, he just says, "You don't get it. I'm really stressed and you don't understand."
I did get annoyed, but AIBU? Is it ok for your dh to give you the cold shoulder when he's stressed at work? Is it me?!

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Mon 10-Mar-14 20:16:30

No, it's not you.

If he feels there is something he would like you to do, he has a responsibility to tell you what it is.

If he cannot or will not, what can you assume but that he can't actually identify anything and he is using you as a stress ball and just having a go at you because he is stressed.

I can't be doing with these "nothing nothing nothing oh you terrible person you can't read my mind if you loved me you'd just KNOW " mardy arse twerps.

FunkyBoldRibena Mon 10-Mar-14 20:18:33

Well, you aren't a mind reader so he is going to have to suck it up until he can deem to tell you how exactly you can be a bit more supportive.

minibmw2010 Mon 10-Mar-14 20:18:57

He's behaving like a petulant child. He can be as stressed as he wants at work, that doesn't give him the right to be rude to you, especially when you aren't giving him a hard time about everything you are doing and you are supporting him. Tell him, he will lost likely be embarrassed but he needs to know or this could carry on and on.

CeliaFate Mon 10-Mar-14 20:21:38

He's said he doesn't feel he's allowed to be stressed. I pointed out he's not allowed to treat me like dirt just because he's stressed, it's two different things. Now he's got his arse in his hand because he didn't want to talk about it and he won't be able to have a relaxing evening because we've argued.
Boo fucking hoo. Express yourself like an adult and communicate effectively and we wouldn't be in this situation.

formerbabe Mon 10-Mar-14 20:25:46

Neither of you are bu. You need to talk to each other.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Mon 10-Mar-14 20:26:13

So he wanted to be allowed to treat you like shit because he's stressed.

oh poor diddums.

how unreasonable you are to expect to be treated with courtesy and respect.

harriet247 Mon 10-Mar-14 20:26:18

He sounds knackered and lacking reason and common sense. Tbh i would leave him to it and let him sulk. Im sure he will realise hes beig a nob head soon enough.

cees Mon 10-Mar-14 20:26:33

YANBU

Don't baby him, he will get worse.

unlucky83 Mon 10-Mar-14 20:28:44

YANBU
tbh I wouldn't be cooking twice ...he can either have something warmed up from earlier or sort himself out...
If he was single he would be working and looking after himself - which would include feeding himself ....
Tell him you doing everything including looking HIS children so he can work is being supportive...what more does he want?

mymiraclebubba Mon 10-Mar-14 20:36:11

yanbu OP!!!

however, as someone who suffers badly with stress then he perhaps feels like he is failing and is lashing out as you are the closest person to him. It is easy to lash out at the ones we know will forgive us...it is by no means right but i can understand

however, stop cooking twice! cook once and plate up a meal for him that can be reheated when he gets home

PunkrockerGirl Mon 10-Mar-14 21:21:00

YANBU. Leave him to it until he has the courtesy to tell you exactly what he expects you to do. In the meantime tell him to cook his own fecking tea.

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