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Thinking about affording IVF - I've hopefully name changed for this

(152 Posts)
Whyohwhy2 Mon 10-Mar-14 19:00:49

As I know people will not agree and I can't cope with the stress at the moment.

I feel really sorry for this woman and her husband, but people are leaving it later and later - I'm sure financial will be one of the reasons, to start a family. I hate this compensation culture, but my real question is, if you can't afford another cycle of IVF, are you in a position to have a baby/babies since two embryos are usually implanted.

Now of course babies are cheap, breastfeeding can save costs, baby food make your own, but they soon stop being so cheap to bring up. School uniforms, nurseries fees if you go back to work, uniforms, activities, food, everything costs so much yet they can't afford the £5000 for an IVF cycle- I believe Tesco are now doing the drugs needed at a reduced cost.

Am I being horrible or do you find it difficult to believe- if two people are working full time and are 41, shouldn't they be able to afford it?

polarpercy Mon 10-Mar-14 19:04:45

But when you have a baby/babies you pay for things gradually. You don't have to buy 11 years worth of school uniform in one go. Whereas IVF is a large cost upfront, plenty of people could afford to run a car, for example, but couldn't afford £5000 immediately.

I also think their age and full-time status doesn't necessarily mean they can afford IVF. Minimum wage is not necessarily a living wage across the country.YABU

Whyohwhy2 Mon 10-Mar-14 19:05:11

And also, retreading the article, they're pursuing a civil case with Tesco- if they can afford to do this, but they can't afford the £3000 for another I've round? Seems odd to me with all these experts saying they highly doubt that her sickness would cause her to lose the embryos- so it doesn't sound like a no win no fee lawyers as the tend to stick to airtight clear cut cases.

Whyohwhy2 Mon 10-Mar-14 19:09:58

Sorry it's not £5000 it's £3000. Do you think the NHS should give more attempts then? Given her age? My point was that they don't already have kids, have had two free attempts on the NHS, I find it hard to believe that childless people at 41 don't have any savings?

Also, there are numerous clinics and hospitals who offer finance packages, so you don't have to pay all at once...

WooWooOwl Mon 10-Mar-14 19:13:16

People like her are ridiculous.

I have no idea what is true and what isn't in that article, but if they have at least got the basics right, then the woman is crazy to think she deserves to have Tesco pay for her IVF.

Going on the £3000 quoted for another round of IVF, I'd say that if they can't find that much spare cash within a year, then no, they probably can't afford a baby/babies.

polarpercy Mon 10-Mar-14 19:13:21

I was quoting your figure of £5000 and I find it hard to believe that childless people at 41 don't have any savings? wow, that is hugely judgemental. People without children have outgoings as well.

Chippednailvarnish Mon 10-Mar-14 19:14:25

I feel really sorry for this woman and her husband, but people are leaving it later and later

You have no idea how long people try for or for what reasons they haven't conceived before going down the IVF route. You posts are extremely insensitive and very judgemental.

drnoitall Mon 10-Mar-14 19:15:19

I don't think she stands a chance.
The first round of ivf also failed.
Hate the compensation culture.

polarpercy Mon 10-Mar-14 19:16:09

Sorry, reading your last post about raising money, you cannot be serious? In the current economic climate plenty of low-income families would struggle to raise £3000 and live hand-to-mouth. That doesn't mean they don't have the right to a family or help starting a family.

She is not ridiculous, she is desperate for a child. We have no idea how long she has tried for a child, we have no right to judge.

gordyslovesheep Mon 10-Mar-14 19:16:12

yabu - she had IVF in 2012 - when she was what 39? this is not OLD I had my last child at 38 and a half

You have NO IDEA why she was TTC at that age - she may not have met her husband until later an then TTC naturally, gone through tests etc until being advised to have IVF at 38 - one round failed - this was their second and final attempt

They don't have 3-5K spare - most people don't - yet manage to raise kids

have a bit of empathy

Kandypane Mon 10-Mar-14 19:16:26

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Kandypane Mon 10-Mar-14 19:17:01


x2boys Mon 10-Mar-14 19:18:55

what if people have tried for years and are thousands of pounds in debt because if it?

springtimedaffodils Mon 10-Mar-14 19:22:07

OP, the fact is that you can disagree with this woman and think her behaviour is silly, even foolish.

To use this example to state that women having IVF are doing so because of leaving it 'later and later' is unfair and untrue. Most women having IVF do so because they are desperate to be a mother and for whatever reason nature isn't working.

Some may leave it late not because of a glib attitude but because of not having met their life partner until later on: I am in this position and find it distressing to think anyone would begrudge me IVF I funded myself if it came to it in the future.

I imagine this woman's hormones are all over the place and in her eyes, she is lashing out at those responsible for causing her to lose her babies. I imagine she already thought of them as such and it must be very upsetting for her.

Your comments regarding people's finances are irrelevant: many people who 'can't afford a child' have one in the conventional route and people manage. Finding thousands of pounds when the clock is already an issue is another matter.

drnoitall Mon 10-Mar-14 19:23:16

I understood from a friend that the nhs gives 3 chances so long as the woman is under 40.
Can anyone confirm or refute this, I'm genuinely interested.
The fact that she is over 40 already and wasting time on a compo claim when she could be getting a loan or whatever seems a ridiculous waste of time.

Bue Mon 10-Mar-14 19:24:55

I'll be astounded is she wins this.

springtimedaffodils Mon 10-Mar-14 19:25:33

It's a post code lottery, dr.

x2boys Mon 10-Mar-14 19:26:27

what if you can afford children then something happens and you lose your job? what if you get pregnant in a far from ideal situation and need benefits for a while does this make a child any less precious?

Chippednailvarnish Mon 10-Mar-14 19:28:31

Lets face it OP, you have never changed because you know what you are saying is unpleasant and untrue.

YoureMyZombieWifeNowDave Mon 10-Mar-14 19:28:46

drnoitall it depends on where you live - my NHS trust don't fund IVF for anyone regardless of age

drnoitall Mon 10-Mar-14 19:30:20

I think you're missing something "spring"
Women ARE leaving it later and later to have children.
For whatever reason and age is often a factor in needing ivf.
How people spend THEIR money ie your own on ivf is your business. Whats to be "distressed" about, no grudge if it's your money. This woman is hoping tesco will pay, I don't think they should or will.

StickEmUpBigStyle Mon 10-Mar-14 19:30:22

What polar said.

expatinscotland Mon 10-Mar-14 19:30:40

Se is only 41? She looks far older.

HopefulHamster Mon 10-Mar-14 19:33:17

Regardless of this case OP you are completely incorrect about assuming women having IVF are doing so because they're leaving it later. Everyone I know who has done it (and I know lots) has spent years having investigations into fertility and so on before getting to IVF. You can spend two years just being referred from consultant to consultant after spending two years trying!

As others have said, plenty of people manage to bring up children well without having £5k spare upfront at any one time.

Try a bit of empathy, for god's sake.

HopefulHamster Mon 10-Mar-14 19:34:43

drnotitall - some women leave it until later, plenty just end up at 'later' once they've tried a bunch of different things. I started ttc at 26 and didn't manage to have my first until 30, now can't seem to have my second and I'm 34. Did I leave it too late? Before 26 I didn't have the money or stability to consider it.

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