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to be really shocked by that kind of reaction for someone being in pain

(9 Posts)
Oliverthetrain Mon 10-Mar-14 09:25:29

My SIs is suffering a lot of pain
She'd been diagnosed with very painful sciatica

She would have better days but most of the time the pain can be exaggerating
she broke up in tears last time while visiting our house confessing that her "Dh" is shouting at her whenever she'd suffer with pain

My DSis told me that whenever she would say a word or cry because of pain he would start shout at my SIS "you f***g psycho, crazy etc

I was absolutely shocked by her words
Her "Dh" for outside world is the most charming helpful and carrying person

I'd promised her I'd try to talk to him to at least explain his cruel reaction towards someone being in pain but I'm really disgusted by it
I frankly don't have clue how could anybody treat a suffering W this way

Dear MNeters did you ever come across situation like this?
Any idea what I should do to help my DSis ?

BertieBotts Mon 10-Mar-14 09:33:43

Holy shit sad That is one of the worst things I have ever heard. I would just want to pull her out of there as soon as possible. Do you have room? Your parents? Anyone?? Don't talk to him, you're likely to make it worse. Unless you have a big butch male relative, but even then that's really not going to solve the underlying problem which is his attitude.

Abusive twats often seem charming, helpful and caring to the outside world, it's how they keep their victims isolated because they feel they can't complain about them or that nobody would believe them.

A lot of abusive men are also disgusted by illness because they see it as weakness, and they hate having to actually do any work or care or looking after for the people that they control. In his mind, she's supposed to exist for him, to serve whatever purpose he has deigned (sex, housework, childbearing, general ego-stroking, etc) so how dare she be ill and require his help?

You need to support her to get out of there ASAP.

Oliverthetrain Mon 10-Mar-14 11:14:42

Thank for your answer Bertie it really did shock me I didn't fully realize what her "dh" is doing to his wife till now

Obviously I'd do my best to get my sister out of this situation
I'd spent all weekend thinking how can you possibly treat this way your DW

Topaz25 Mon 10-Mar-14 11:20:36

He sounds abusive. His reaction is not normal at all. It's good that your sister can confide in you, let her know she doesn't have to put up with this behaviour and you are here for her.

My best friend has chronic health issues and grew up with her dad and sister always belittling her and getting angry at her and saying she was making it up. She still struggles with thinking she will get into trouble if she is ill and doesn't expect people to be sympathetic sad

maras2 Mon 10-Mar-14 12:16:01

If my son in law treated my daughter like that , I'd knock his effing block off ( metaphorically speaking ) What a pig .

pointythings Mon 10-Mar-14 12:21:48

Don't talk to him, just work to get her out of there. If he's doing this, what else is he doing to her? sad

Forgettable Mon 10-Mar-14 12:31:19

Please don't talk to him about what she has disclosed, it might make it worse for her if he's alerted

She needs an escape plan

dammitsue Mon 10-Mar-14 13:17:01

Perhaps he needs to really empathize, by way of having his knees broken and made to carry out all the housework while being shouted at. joking, in a wishful thinking way

brighteyedbusytailed Mon 10-Mar-14 13:22:37

A lot of abusive men are also disgusted by illness because they see it as weakness, and they hate having to actually do any work or care or looking after for the people that they control. In his mind, she's supposed to exist for him, to serve whatever purpose he has deigned (sex, housework, childbearing, general ego-stroking, etc) so how dare she be ill and require his help?

^^ Thats very poignant , and rang very true to a situation I can relate to.

Can she stay with you for a bit OP? i think she needs to just be taken out.

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