AIBU to want to ditch the memory foam mattress DP loves because I hate it?

[bohoec]

ILs bought DP a memory foam mattress for his birthday. He didn't think to run this by me - he just thought I'd love it. I went with it, because they'd already bought it, and I didn't want to be ungrateful.

DP will sleep anywhere and never has a problem getting to sleep. He loves the mattress - says it's the best nights sleep he ever had, he finds it really comfortable, loves how warm it is etc.
I really can't bear it. I've had a bad back on occasion over the years. Nothing terrible, but enough to make me feel a but creaky in the mornings (made worse by carrying DD around!). The memory foam is too hot (I hate being too hot), the feel of it sets me on edge, and the worst thing is that it's made my back feel dreadful. I can't get to sleep and I wake up tired, stiff and feeling hot and sweaty (boak).

How long do I have to give it a try for before I can reasonably demand it's either the mattress or me?!

[MyNameIsKenAdams]

I hate them too. Id be cutting it lengthways.

[bohoec]

I'm lying here feeling hot and uncomfortable listening to his sleepy breathing. Argh!

[LtEveDallas]

Oh now I have a 'certified' bad back and my memory foam mattress has been a godsend. Without it I cannot spend more than 4 hours laid down, with it I can go 6.

I do find it hot, but pure cotton sheets and a lighter quilt has rectified that.

It took me about 2 weeks to get used to it, and now I wouldn't be without it. When we go on holidays my back is atrocious within a couple of days, so I definitely attribute the memory foam to my improvement.

Sorry, not helpful for you I know.

[roadwalker]

I have never wanted one but slept last weekend on one in a hotel, best night sleep ever, I am sold
I do worry about being too hot though
Do they differ in quality?

[bohoec]

That's ok. It's a little helpful - perhaps if I stick with it I might get used to it. We use cotton sheets already, and I'm going to look in to the mattress protector Flick mentioned to see if that helps but I just really don't like bit atm.

I also hate the thought of all the chemicals that make up the squishy thing. Across the rest of the house I go easy on chemicals - in cleaning products, toiletries, make-up etc. so it doesn't really fit my ethical values either.

I just feel bad because DP thinks it's great and is so happy with it.

[Kahlua4me]

We had ours for only 9 months before we advertised it on freecycle and bought a new one.

Couldn't stand the bloody thing! Far too hot for either of us. It was ok to start with as during the winter but then when spring came we cooked every night.

[mumteedum]

Blimey think ils kind of over stepping boundary a bit! I'd be v hacked off. It's your bed, marital bed. Something you and husband decide not his parents. Oh dear. Maybe they thought he'd run it by you? I wouldn't like mem foam either :(

[50ShadesofGreyMatter]

If you do get rid of it, whatever you do don't replace it with a "pillow top". They are also very hot. I had to get rid of my brand new one after a few months, I just couldn't stand it.

Just get a regular good quality mattress and if you need a "soft or squishy" top on it you can buy an underlay.

[bohoec]

Mumteedum I'm not even letting myself think about that side of it too much. IMO it's outrageous to buy someone else something so personal, but they've got one and are so delighted to have 'treated' us to one I know they just mean well. I'm letting them off the hook, but that's probably just because I'm so knackered because I can't sleep

[PorkPieandPickle]

If they wanted to buy you a mattress they should take you mattress shopping not choose one for you- and even that is a bit weird. Everyone should choose their own mattress!

[Hoppinggreen]

We test drove a few at John Lewis and I didn't like them but DH did.
The salesman said they do get hot and sweaty and are better if you are bigger.
We eventually got an ikea mattress which has a memory foam topper on, it's lovely

[TheCrackFox]

YANBU

Just stayed at my mum and dad's who have thoughtfully bought one for the spare bedroom and I have never slept so badly in my entire life. Too hot and uncomfy.

[MardyPants]

I hated mine, it made my back wretched, but I didn't realise this at the time, I just thought it was due to having a reasonably physical job. The ex absolutely loved it.

Glad I threw them both out, fucking wastes of space.

[perplexedpirate]

We got a mattress with a memory foam topper. SO hot and sweaty!
It's gross. Won't be having another.

[RandomMess]

Dh is a very hot person and he has a thick pure cotton mattress protector folded in half on his side. I would definately try this.

Ours is just an ikea memory foam mattress topper and it's improved my back problems immensley.

[ouryve]

I hate the thought of a full memory foam mattress, but I have an orthopaedic mattress with a memory foam topper and it's been the best thing for my back and hips. I slept on an ordinary mattress, a couple of weeks ago, and could barely walk, in the morning.

[chimchar]

We bought one a few months ago.

Dh slept like a dream. I barely slept, and a few days in woke up with the pain in my back.

I persevered for a few more weeks and now, about 8 weeks after getting it, it's great. Really comfy, and I sleep well on it.

The paperwork that came with it said it would soften a little after two weeks or so, and ours really has.

Hope yours gets better for you.

[bohoec]

If he had a bad back and this sweaty thing was helping then I'd stick with it, but he sleeps anytime, anywhere, no problem and it's me with the sleep issues now that we DO have one.

You're all making me feel less mean. I just find the whole thing problematic - from the ILs buying it, it being so sweaty and hot, to me lying here while he slumbers away, and then me waking up in the morning with a bad back.

So, I don't think I am BU to ask in the morning if we can get rid.

[IamInvisible]

We had one. At first I loved it. I have severe back and pelvic problems and DH has a dodgy disc in his lower back. But after a few months my pain levels increased a lot. I kept getting stuck in the same position and could not initiate a turn in bed, so I had to wake DH to ask him to turn me over.

We were both knackered so I asked both my pelvic specialist and my spinal surgeon about memory foam mattresses and they both said there is evidence that they can make back problems worse. I wish I had know that before we spent over £1000 on the bloody thing!

DS2 has it now and loves it, we have an Silentnight no roll together orthopaedic one which is so much better.

[bohoec]

Oh no, chimchar, you're making me think again...

[BillyBanter]

I can understand how your in laws would be evangelical about them. I'm sure it was 100% a well-meaning gift where they genuinely thought they were giving you the best present anyone could give anyone ever. They are not for everyone though and having slept on several that are not my own there is definitely a difference in quality between them. A couple that I've slept on have been bloody awful.

If there is s 28 day returns policy maybe you can swap for a combi sprung/memory foam topper mattress? I think that might resolve the heat problem, or maybe you will get used to it.

[MuddlingMackem]

DH hated ours, he lasted four days before insisting on getting shot. I was gutted, I loved it - found it so comfortable.

[Trying2bMindful]

We spent a fortune on ours and now our 22 month old son has it!!!! It did not help my back/neck/shoulder problems and DH HATED it with a passion. I loved it because I was toasty warm but he likened it to sleeping on the coals of hell.
Now I only use it when DS wakes in the night and I go join him. However in the morning my back is sore on those mornings after.
I would only give it a month and then send it to the spare room.... life is too short to sleep badly.
TBH I am shocked your DP and ILs bought you a new mattress without your involvement.... v odd behaviour indeed. v controlling are they?

[NationMcKinley]

Adding to Iam's post, my MIL has spinal stenosis which she's had (failed) surgery for and osteoarthritis in other joints. DH and I talked about clubbing together with my SILs to get her a memory foam mattress. When she discussed this with her physio the overwhelming reaction was nooooooo!!! Apparently, because they mould to your shape they don't actually give you any proper support: if you have orthopaedic or joint issues then they can exacerbate the problem. DH and I have a couple of memory foam pillows which are v comfy but bloody hot!