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8 year old called my 3 year old a 'retard'. AIBU to not let the little shit ever darken my door again?

(131 Posts)
StressHeadSally Sun 09-Mar-14 20:43:26

DH's nephew. He is an absolute little shit. Treats his mother like a servant 'Give me a drink NOW'. Is a complete bully, in trouble at school and 'little shit' is NOT uncalled for. His parents do not discipline him and just sit on their arses while he does what he wants.

We see them every few months. They come for dinner today. I know what he's like as he bullies my other DS's (who are older than him but too polite to namecall or push back) and dread it.

DS3 loves visitors and follows him around. DS2 tells me that nephew called DS3 a retard, an idiot, stupid and that he hates him (this is after DS3 told him that he loves him sad). He also tripped him over. He did not tell me this until after they had gone but said he had told him off. DS3 came crying to me a few times but I thought it was because he was upset that he was not getting a turn playing the game they were on.

DH is too much of a wuss to tell his brother to keep his kid in control as he's afraid of him.

I have told him that that kid is never to darken my door again. AIBU?

StressHeadSally Sun 09-Mar-14 20:45:41

Oh and the dinner I presented to him got a response of 'I hate that. Urrggghhh'. No response from parents angry.

Pawprint Sun 09-Mar-14 20:45:42

Whilst he sounds horrid (and I DETEST the word "retard") I expect the parents need to be pulled up on raising a rude child.


isitsnowingyet Sun 09-Mar-14 20:45:48

Yes you are being unreasonable. The kid is 8 years old. Perhaps keep a closer eye on your 3 year old.

usualsuspect33 Sun 09-Mar-14 20:46:23

YABU a bit.

If his parents don't pull him up on using language like that, then how is he supposed to know it's wrong?

MammaTJ Sun 09-Mar-14 20:47:30

I was going to suggest that perhaos he has SN as my 8 year old DD often embarrasses me, but not to this extent!

He just sound un controlled.


StressHeadSally Sun 09-Mar-14 20:47:37

H will not say a damn thing. He was even defending him, saying 'he's just a kid, why you making an issue of it'. Thinks I am trying to put his family down!

Wishfulmakeupping Sun 09-Mar-14 20:48:21

If the parents knew and didn't discipline him then yanbu I wouldn't have that sort of behaviour around my DCs

Newyearchanger Sun 09-Mar-14 20:49:55

To call him names when you don't want him to be name calling
To not pay attention to how he is treating your 3 yr old if he is a terrible bully

bigwellylittlewelly Sun 09-Mar-14 20:50:15


I heard a senior colleague use the word and took him to task. My child is one of those with LD and heaven help anyone who uses that disgusting woek in front of her.

maddy68 Sun 09-Mar-14 20:50:44

Tbf he is a child calling another child names. You are an adult calling a child names.......

Just pick him up on it. Tell him how unpleasant it is to call anyone horrible names especially someone younger than him. Shame his parents

DomesticDisgrace Sun 09-Mar-14 20:50:49

You're VERY reasonable, I'd have fired the little bollocks out the door!

MyBodyIsAtemplate Sun 09-Mar-14 20:51:05

your problem is your dh. he is sticking up for his brother over the feelings of you and his children.

not good.

WorraLiberty Sun 09-Mar-14 20:52:28


Why is your DH a wuss for not telling his brother when you haven't told him either?

toobreathless Sun 09-Mar-14 20:54:15

I would not have a child in my house who I knew would be unkind to my children. I don't mean the odd squabble, all children do that but who had form for unpleasant behaviour on severeal occasions.

I wouldn't associate with an adult who behaved like is so why should my children put up with it?

morethanpotatoprints Sun 09-Mar-14 20:54:20


That is from somebody who grew up with this label. it is a vile word that annoys and saddens me every time I hear it.
But he is a child in need of education and discipline by the sounds of things.
I'm not sure what the answer is but it certainly isn't stooping to his level which you are doing by referring to him as a little shit.

formerbabe Sun 09-Mar-14 20:55:09

YANBU...his parents are creating a monster by not disciplining him.

YouTheCat Sun 09-Mar-14 20:55:25

If your dh won't say anything, then all you can do is say they aren't coming to yours again.

You'll just have to meet at a neutral venue and keep it short.

OpalQuartz Sun 09-Mar-14 20:55:41

Yanbu. I wouldn't want them over again either

AgentZigzag Sun 09-Mar-14 20:55:42

Why is your DH scared of his brother?

Is it because he's a bully too and he's teaching it to his lad?

If you know what he's like I'm surprised you brushed off what your DS crying about, why did you let them go off together?

shewhowines Sun 09-Mar-14 20:55:56

I would only meet outside your home and then keep a very close eye on ds's. Pull him up on rude behaviour. If the parents don't like it then they will choose to not meet up. Job done and you are not the villain grin

babyheaves Sun 09-Mar-14 20:56:05

What a nightmare.

I can't see how you can ban him from your house, as if your DH won't do anything then he'll keep inviting them. You CAN tell your kids that if anything like that happens, they're to come to you so you can deal with it as it happens.

And yes, he does sound like a little shit.

Viviennemary Sun 09-Mar-14 20:56:09

I'd blame the parents here. He sounds a brat but it sounds like nobody has taught him how to behave.

winterkills Sun 09-Mar-14 20:58:00

Anyone who describes a young child as a 'shit' is automatically BU.

If you don't want him in your house then don't have him but don't focus ill-feelings on him.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 09-Mar-14 20:58:39

Yanbu your house your rules. If your dh brother cannot discipline hs ds than they should nit come round. It is unacceptable for your dcs to be treated like that, especially in their own home. I am afraid your dh has to grow a pair, and tell his brother. His kudos should come before his brother!

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