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To feel really hurt and irritated by this?

(29 Posts)
listsandbudgets Sun 09-Mar-14 19:45:47

I spoke to my friend this morning and asked if she wanted to bring her DCs over to play. She said she couldnt' but would love to meet up later at the arts centre for lunch. We agreed to that and I got the children ready and out on the bus. Arts centre about 20 minutes away.

When we got there there was no sign of her. I tried her mobile and got no response. We waited half an hour and I tried again and still nothing. We waited another 20 mintues that gave up and went and got ourselves a picnic as the weather was so lovely.

I tried at 4pm and left a message saying I hope she was alright as we were really worried about her and hoped everything was ok. I just got a text saying "oh sorry went to a bbq at sisters instead and forgot to let you know"

AIBU to feel really hurt and very irritated that she couldn't be bothered to let me know and put us to all the inconvenience of getting there for no reason. We still had a lovely time once we made up our minds they weren't coming but wasted nearly an hour waiting (she's often at least half an hour late at the best of times).

formerbabe Sun 09-Mar-14 19:47:00

That is lousy. I'd be really upset too... A cutting off offence in my book.

ImperialBlether Sun 09-Mar-14 19:47:19

She sounds really rude. How could she forget when you only arranged it this morning?

She's clearly rude at other times, too, as she's usually late. Does she have other good qualities?

Earlybird Sun 09-Mar-14 19:47:59

YANBU. You don't need friends like that - especially if she is chronically inconsiderate.

A friend doesn't treat another friend like that. Move on and find someone who will value you, and treat you with consideration and respect.

wowfudge Sun 09-Mar-14 19:48:21

That's really crap of her given that she only spoke to you this morning. Glad you made the best of the day.

HadABadDay2014 Sun 09-Mar-14 19:49:10

Why are you friends with her, I couldn't be friends with someone who is always late and then fail to turn up at all when plans are made.

MyNameIsKenAdams Sun 09-Mar-14 19:50:26

Yep, id give up arranging stuff with her ever again.

How hard would it have been for her to just text and say"im so sorry somethings come up"

SoleSource Sun 09-Mar-14 19:51:09

I agree with formerbabe. How disappointing for you and your children. Selfish git.

listsandbudgets Sun 09-Mar-14 19:51:21

In many ways she's a fantastic friend. If I NEED her she will drop everything and come to help me. She once came at 3 in the morning to look after dd while I took DS to hospital. She ended up taking dd to school for me in the morning. In an emergency she's amazing.

Day to day though she's flaky. I don't know why. I'm used to the time keeping issue as she uses public transport a lot but today was something else.

fluffyraggies Sun 09-Mar-14 19:52:16

Dumpable offence IMO

ENormaSnob Sun 09-Mar-14 19:53:03

Yanbu

I fucking loathe flaky fuckers

fluffyraggies Sun 09-Mar-14 19:53:29

X posts OP.

Perhaps arrange an emergency lunch next time grin

flowers

WooAGhostCat Sun 09-Mar-14 19:54:08

I'm late all the time, can't help it, but I'd never just not show up and then admit it was because I got abetter offer!
She sounds a cow.

iamsoannoyed Sun 09-Mar-14 19:55:16

YANBU

She made an arrangement with you, then made alternative arrangements but didn't let you know! That is very rude and shows compete lack of thought on her part.

Even if it did just slip her mind to let you know about her change of plan (although as you'd only made the arrangement earlier that day, that seems unlikely) you'd have thought she'd have been very apologetic when you managed to contact her. I would have expected a sincere apology.

I don't think she's a very good friend to a) change plans on you at such short notice; b) to let you know re said change of plan; and c) not apologising when she'd realised she'd let you down.

If it's a one off, I'd let her know how hurt you are. If it's just another thing in a litany of thoughtlessness/rudeness, then I might be reconsidering my friendship with her.

joanofarchitrave Sun 09-Mar-14 19:56:00

I'm at this level of flaky. I am sure she didn't mean to hurt you but I do know that it's unforgivable to be this inconsiderate. I have lost friends, quite understandably, for similar things - though I would have been absolutely horrified and a lot more apologetic to realise what I'd done.

If you can bear to, keep her as a facebook friend/occasionally invite her to things you are doing with other people (i.e. don't rely on her for social stuff), and know that she is someone you can ask for emergency help. But I can see that you might not want to know her any more.

ImperialBlether Sun 09-Mar-14 19:56:48

WooAGhostCat, hate to tell you, but you CAN help being late! Just think about it before you arrange a time, that's all.

Fathertedfan Sun 09-Mar-14 19:59:45

I'd not see her again if I were you. It's not good for my blood pressure to have people like this in my life.

isitsnowingyet Sun 09-Mar-14 19:59:55

She may help in an emergency but perhaps she doesn't consider as 'top priority' on an every day common courtesy level. I have a 'friend' like this too - great on a dire emergency, but once forgot to pick me up as we were all meeting at another friend's house on the other side of town. In the end - made my own way there. She'd picked up someone else but had totally forgotten about me, despite having made the arrangement that day hmm

I just leave her alone these days - you just have to figure 'oh well her loss' and move on to others who can be bothered to give you simple courtesy

SuburbanSpaceperson Sun 09-Mar-14 20:03:43

I think the thing to do with people like this is to say what you are doing and tell them to call you when they are on their way and you'll tell them where you are. Then plan your time as though they probably won't turn up and it'll be a nice surprise if they do. The key point is that you won't be waiting around for them, it will be for them to catch up with you, which is pretty easy if you both have mobiles.

The friends that I have who are like this with time keeping are generally great fun when we do meet, so it's worth my while adjusting my expectations to stay friends with them. It works well so long as my plans for the day are flexible and don't require them to be somewhere at a particular time.

Earlybird Sun 09-Mar-14 20:05:56

Hallmark of flaky people: they say they 'can't help it' and act as if they are somehow not responsible because it is 'just how I am'. And if you dare call them on it, they are offended and want to know why you are so grumpy, rigid and demanding (or words to that effect).

<not taking a shot at anyone here, but this logic/justification gets old to those of us who are subjected to repeated flakiness>

OldBagWantsNewBag Sun 09-Mar-14 20:08:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

firstchoice Sun 09-Mar-14 20:10:01

I can be a bit flaky in terms of being late.
But I would not go somewhere else and not call - that IS rude.

However, a friend who will come out to help you at 3am is a friend indeed.

I wouldn't necessarily cut her off given super support in past but do let her know how hurt / irritated you were.

eddielizzard Sun 09-Mar-14 20:10:39

'so you got a better offer and i got to wait for you for an hour. cheers.'

flaky friends are flaky because they get away with it with a breezy fucking reply so that you look unreasonable if you get upset. fuck that.

SanityClause Sun 09-Mar-14 20:11:42

Okay, so she's flaky on a day to day basis, but she's there when you really need her?

Yes, be irritated, by all means. But get over it.

There isn't a "friend in need" on every corner.

CombineBananaFister Sun 09-Mar-14 20:17:03

YANBU - Agree with Surburban, if she has form for it then just don't rely on her in that way when you make social arrangements.
Plan your own things that you would do without her anyway and let her know (if you want to) then if she comes, that's upto her. It's a bit sad but at least you won't end up being messed about

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