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To think some people don't have a CLUE!?

(94 Posts)
BumpyGrindy Sat 08-Mar-14 22:48:02

DH and I don't earn a lot. I can't drive and I am sick of people saying "Oh you need to get driving lessons..."

No shit Sherlock!

DO these people have no idea how much they cost! I can't even afford the frigging licence!

I wouldn't mind a one off remark...but really....there are certain people saying it weekly to me and I want to say "Oh you're right! Yes...well once ALL OUR MONEY HAS GONE ON LIVING then how about you pay for them?"

Are people really this ignorant about how much others have to live on?

CynicalandSmug Mon 10-Mar-14 12:04:35

Not only can I not afford to pay for lessons, purchase and run a car but honestly I do not want to turn into one of those lazy lardy arses that drives everywhere. Walking and carrying heavy purchases are an addition to my regular exercise. My motorist friends (except for colleagues who have to be reasonably fit) actually seem tired when walking more than a mile which amazes me. They drive to gyms but I can't see that they do much when they are there!

When people do go on the attack about driving I am quick to point out health and weight are important to me (I am slim) and having a car would impact on that. I also ask if they would like to pay for my lessons? Or pay my bills. Grrrrrrrrrrr I bloody hate people!

MidniteScribbler Mon 10-Mar-14 11:55:56

But in the garden analogy above, Saying you'd love a new deck but can't afford it is one thing, but if your constantly complaining about the state of your garden and won't go out and remove weeds, sweep the patio and trim the shrubs then I'll have no sympathy. Same with non drivers - just get on with things and I don't care, but if you constantly whine and expect everyone to always come to you, or provide lifts everywhere then people will get annoyed with you.

EduCated Mon 10-Mar-14 10:47:33

And anyway, why shouldn't non-drivers be allowed the occasional moan about walking/public transport/general non-drivingness?

Drivers get to moan about commutes, traffic jams and the like without being told to get public transport or walk all the time, or maybe they do. I dunno. But I don't see why not driving means you have to put up and shut up when there's no immediate solution.*

*Any responses of 'but you could learn to drive' and you will be told to RTFT.

catsmother Sun 09-Mar-14 21:04:11

I do drive - an ancient car - but know full well that if I had to start from scratch right now - lessons, car, new driver insurance and so on - there's no way I could afford to do so. My insurance now is minimal due to years of experience and a cheap crap car but when my car dies I won't be able to replace it. And if I could, and it was even slightly "better" than what I have now - which wouldn't be difficult - then I wouldn't be able to afford the increase in insurance.

I think a great many people are incredibly tactless when it comes to "you should (do whatever)" type of remarks - and particularly so right now when more and more people are struggling to meet basic bills. It doesn't apply to everyone in this position of course but unfortunately, a significant number of people I know who do have disposable income to spend on wants rather than needs really do seem to have no idea how hard life is for others less fortunate and are very dismissive when told that you're skint, broke etc. My MIL - who travels abroad several times a year, has a cleaner, gardener, shops in John Lewis as a matter of course, changes her car every 3 years like clockwork etc (basically, she's very comfortable) - is forever telling us, after she's come back from yet another exotic location .... that we should "make the effort" to go to (for example) - Japan, South Africa, Norway - as we'd "love it" (no shit Sherlock) ..... regardless of the fact we've not had a holiday of any description for 7 years. I find her remarks incredibly rude and offensive and but for the fact DP thinks his mother can do no wrong and I don't want to start WW3 I would have told her to do one years ago ... instead, I just ignore her and don't respond to such tactlessness.

NuggetofPurestGreen Sun 09-Mar-14 19:41:59

Yeah it'd be great not to have to buy your own car. I'd love to have learned at 17 but was never an option for me til now and now its costing me a fortune!

Yama Sun 09-Mar-14 19:40:35

CandyappleCore - you'd be surprised. I passed my test a few years ago, drove a few times and then stopped. I never bring up driving - ever. I have been asked many, many, many times to explain why I don't drive. Or asked when I am going to drive.

It gets very annoying as it tends to be the same people. Like they have a repeat button for when they see my cheery coupon.

HadABadDay2014 Sun 09-Mar-14 19:33:06

My parents haven't had their own car for about 15ish years, my dad has a company van which in his contract he can use on the weekend.

I met DH around 2 months before passing my test so drove his car instead.

I have never owned my own car, alway just been on DH insurance.

firawla Sun 09-Mar-14 19:30:42

yanbu.. I can understand your situation, it's not always so easy to just do a few lessons and pass the test anyway. I have been learning on and off for about 2 years now, and 6 tests, and still not passed and so much money is going down the drain with it. It is really really frustrating the amount of money that has been spent, and I don't know how much more will be until I pass - its not very reasonably priced at all

DomesticDisgrace Sun 09-Mar-14 19:21:28

YANBU I just sold my car and I'm delighted!

VelvetSpoon Sun 09-Mar-14 19:00:55

It's not just the financial aspect (though I entirely agree people have no idea of the actual cost of learning to drive - lessons are £30 an hour round here!) It's the bloody-minded assumption that a) being able to drive is a universal panacea to any problem and b) that everyone can drive.

I am very, very clever (and shockingly modest grin). I took 3 tests as a 17yo. I failed them all. I was great in lessons, awful in tests.

With L plates on (and friends with me) I have driven round massive roundabouts, and distances of up to 60 miles. But I am crap at tests, and I don't think I have much chance of passing the theory, let alone the practical. But doesn't stop everyone telling me how I should waste money on have lessons!

OatcakeCravings Sun 09-Mar-14 18:59:37

It's £30 a lesson where I live. I passed my test a few months ago, I had around 100 lessons so it cost me £3k to learn to drive. I bought a new car which cost £10k, but I got it on 0% fiance and am paying it up over 4 years. Luckily I am old so my insurance is only about £200 for the year. Explain to people these are the costs you are facing and they might get it! I am lucky to be able to afford it, I couldn't have a few years ago. And after all that I still absolutely hate driving, with a passion!! It has improved my life in some ways but it stresses me out so much that I'm not sure it's worth it!

NuggetofPurestGreen Sun 09-Mar-14 18:48:46

Yeah that's the ideal way to do it HadaBad - did you have use of your parents' car? I'd love to have done it that way but wasn't an option.

It's hard finding time to do it also and I don't have kids so can't imagine how difficult it is if you do.

HadABadDay2014 Sun 09-Mar-14 18:43:51

I passed 10 years ago. I think it was £10-£15 a lesson.

I am glad I did it before meeting DP and having DC. I was living at home earning £1000 per month and only paying my parents £200 per month for everything ( food and utilities)

No way would I be able to afford it now.

LightastheBreeze Sun 09-Mar-14 17:27:19

It is very expensive, DS must have spent about £1500 before he passed, but did it from Birthday and Xmas money and working a lot of hours in his part time job whilst doing A levels. He can't afford a car but a least he has his licence for when he finishes Uni. We wanted DS to do this whilst he had no other commitments.

In the old days when I took mine I had a few lessons and drove our car with DH in passenger seat all the while to practice, also no theory test, just a few questions at the end about hand signals iIr ( shows how old I am).

LimitedEditionLady Sun 09-Mar-14 17:19:07

Tbh I dont really mind not having a car,I dont NEED a car.I can walk.

LimitedEditionLady Sun 09-Mar-14 17:17:36

Lol nugget its even more annoying when you think well you wouldnt pass your bloody test if you did it again now!!!!!

NuggetofPurestGreen Sun 09-Mar-14 17:10:57

Fair enough but do they not realise the OP has heard of cars/driving lessons etc and would learn if she wanted to/could afford it?

Limited yep I get that all the time. I'm sorry I ever told anyone I was learning. I keep saying 'I'll do my test in my own time' but that doesn't stop them going on.

quirrelquarrel Sun 09-Mar-14 17:08:23

Bit aggressive innit. They're just a) making small talk, finding something to say or b) trying to be helpful.

LimitedEditionLady Sun 09-Mar-14 17:00:55

Did anyone get the constant asking of when are you doing your test?Pretty annoyibg when the people eho ask you didnt have to do the theory test,hazard perception and the lengthy exam when they did it.Erm not as easy as you think!!!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Sun 09-Mar-14 16:50:26

OP,I find the people who say things like this learned to drive years ago when lessons were cheap and the test was 15 mins long. They haven't a clue how expensive it is now!

EduCated Sun 09-Mar-14 16:13:24

People say it to me when I'm off to get the bus, or mention that I walk to work, or plan my journey somewhere and tell people why time my train gets in. Not moaning about these things, just mentioning them. It's like some people can't comprehend that it's possible to live without driving anywhere.

georgesdino Sun 09-Mar-14 15:13:17

You could learn if you want as you could move in the flat

LollipopViolet Sun 09-Mar-14 14:53:34

I get it a lot too. Only one tiny problem.

I. Am. Not. Allowed.

I can't pass the numberplate eyesight test so can't even have lessons. Always winds me up on here that driving is seen as this huge thing and if you can't, for whatever reason, you're looked down on (by some).

Viviennemary Sun 09-Mar-14 14:49:17

I can't see what's wrong with saying we just can't afford driving lessons at the moment. It's no shame. Everyone knows learning to drive usually costs a fortune.

Thurlow Sun 09-Mar-14 14:47:05

YANBU. I get this a lot, though there about two times a year I might mention that getting somewhere is a bit difficult due to not driving.

I don't mind it from strangers but from friends and colleagues (who I don't ask for lifts from) it drives me bonkers. They know that I have no time, between my f/t job, my DP's shiftwork, and a young DC to have 3 hours lessons a week!

candy people do just mention it in the vaguest of situations. It's very irritating. You mention that you haven't gone somewhere because there's no nearby train, something that's not even complaining, just a passing comment, and they'll start on the whole driving malarkey!

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