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to feel a bit sad I'll never be a mum

(161 Posts)
childlesspeaceandquiet Thu 06-Mar-14 19:09:30

I'd have loved my own family but am 40 this year and am making my peace with a child-free life. More money and spoilt cats grin

But when I see cute world book day costumes (sob!) and at other times, I do feel so sad for the babies I won't hold.

I'm not being U, am I?

tripecity Thu 06-Mar-14 19:11:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MandatoryMongoose Thu 06-Mar-14 19:11:26

Of course you're not being unreasonable.

You could make the cats book day costumes grin .

Pontouf Thu 06-Mar-14 19:11:48

Not at all. I'm sorry.

formerbabe Thu 06-Mar-14 19:11:57

YANBU, but are you sure it's not too late? One of my friends had a baby at 42...that's not unusual nowadays.

justmyview Thu 06-Mar-14 19:12:27

No, not U to reflect on that. 40 isn't too late, but I agree time is running out. Who knows what the future may hold.

ImATotJeSuisUneTot Thu 06-Mar-14 19:12:58

Another who just wants to say, my friend had her first, alone, at 40, after feeling exactly the same. smile

childlesspeaceandquiet Thu 06-Mar-14 19:12:58

mandatory grin if I was to do that I would have to conclude I had slipped into the world of madness!

HectorVector Thu 06-Mar-14 19:13:15

YANBU... I'm sorry. sad

steff13 Thu 06-Mar-14 19:13:44

I don't think you're being unreasonable. But, if you want to be a mom, be a mom. There are lots of options available. If it's something you really want, don't give up on it just because it hasn't happened in the traditional way.

childlesspeaceandquiet Thu 06-Mar-14 19:13:45

Hmm very VERY unlikely as I am single - it's true "you never know" but all the same, "cutting it fine" to say the least!

Nocomet Thu 06-Mar-14 19:13:48

Not at all, my DDs are the most incredible blessing, but some of the most amazing women I have ever known never had DCs.

DD1 is named after one of them.

scottishmummy Thu 06-Mar-14 19:15:08

Not unreasonable to feel pain at unfulfilled wish

mustbetimefortea Thu 06-Mar-14 19:15:11

No YADNBU. Are you sure you can't have any children? 40 seems young to have written off your child bearing years (speaking as someone who had her first naturally at 45).

cake and wine

childlesspeaceandquiet Thu 06-Mar-14 19:15:29

Nocomet, I hope to be close to friends children, and if god forbid anything was to happen to one of them, then obviously I am an ideal choice.

I'd still love my own, but ah well. Curse the cuteness of Gruffalo outfits! grin

londonrach Thu 06-Mar-14 19:15:42

No, im 38 so hoping when i start trying (next month or so, not all of us are lucky re finding someone until later) im lucky. 40 is the new 30. If its something you want. X

londonrach Thu 06-Mar-14 19:16:27

Really mustof. Thanks xxxxxx

hoppingElephant Thu 06-Mar-14 19:16:35


You could try IVF on your own or adopt. IVF is expensive but I did it, worth a thought.

Good luck whatever you decide :-)

MyNameIsKenAdams Thu 06-Mar-14 19:17:25

But you can

Sleep in the middle of the day of the mood takes you
Go on holidays without having to think of all the extras
Walk out of the door as soon as the mood takes you
Pee alone
Have a boozy lunch
Go out in the evenings without having to rope someone in to watch the little one
Read a whole book
Tidy your home and it stay that way
Watch whatever you want on tv whenever you want
Put as many hours in at work as you want without having to consider anyone
Eat just cheese for tea and not have to give a shit that it doesnt include a veg
Use swear words

And many more.

Im sorry, just smack bang in the middle of flu with a toddler and wish wish wish I could permanently retreat to my bed for the next few days.

childlesspeaceandquiet Thu 06-Mar-14 19:17:39

Goodness must! Impressive!

I do think its very unlikely though. Not completely impossible, but unlikely enough for me to have pretty much accepted it won't happen. I find February (valentines and romance) followed by Mothers Day tough going, and so many events are calendarad around children it obviously can't be avoided but still.

ebwy Thu 06-Mar-14 19:17:58

don't need to be in a relationship to have a baby...

don't even need to meet the father tbh.

if you want it, go for it (I'm 39, youngest is 1...)

mustbetimefortea Thu 06-Mar-14 19:18:02

and who was happily single at 40, all happened for me within a few months very unexpectedly.

scottishmummy Thu 06-Mar-14 19:19:11

Adopt and or Ivf aren't easy options financially or emotionally
And with no partner it's a sole responsibility too
I think it's trotted out too glibly

formerbabe Thu 06-Mar-14 19:19:20

Whilst I think you have every right to feel a bit sad..let me say I have always thought motherhood was vastly overrated. It is expensive, exhausting and thankless. Whilst I adore my children endlessly, I am envious of those who can go out whenever they want, take any job offered to them, have a clean house etc...grass is always greener I guess.

childlesspeaceandquiet Thu 06-Mar-14 19:19:47

Hope you feel better soon, Ken - I do have to point out though (nicely!) that you wouldn't swap your children: your feelings are temporary! When you are childless, you're stuck with it.

Thanks for advice but I am single - I have considered using donated sperm but it doesn't sit too easily with me and as such I need to conclude it just isn't going to happen. A choice, of sorts, but a painful one just the same.

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