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To be feeling a bit fed up with this

(31 Posts)
winterlace Thu 06-Mar-14 16:08:57

My MIL, whom I normally get on well with, has taken issue with our second child's name , if she is a girl (due later this month.)

She doesn't like the spelling of it, but we are planning to use it as a shortened form of a different name and therefore wouldn't make sense the way MIL 'wants' it. Plus I just don't like it 'her way'! We've explained this but she's so insistent and to be fair it's so unlike her that DH asked me if I'd reconsider.

I love the name so am upset but on the other hand I don't know, a name doesn't seem to be worth genuinely upsetting someone ... Thoughts?

Anonymai Thu 06-Mar-14 16:09:59

Is it your baby or hers? There's your answer.

ohfourfoxache Thu 06-Mar-14 16:10:40

Your child, your call. If you like the name that's all that matters.

Could there be something else happening with MIL that you don't know about that is perhaps upsetting her?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack Thu 06-Mar-14 16:10:49

on the other hand I don't know, a name doesn't seem to be worth genuinely upsetting someone ... Thoughts?


You do it your way, let her do it her way. The way you do it is going to be the official way so just ignore what she is saying - really not worth the head space.

YellowDinosaur Thu 06-Mar-14 16:11:18

Tough shit mil I say. If she can't give you a better reason than your own (which sound perfectly good to me, given that it is a name for your own child and all that) then she needs to wind her neck in. Imho.

pianodoodle Thu 06-Mar-14 16:14:28

She has no business being insistent you name your baby however you want to.

Your husband is being a bit unreasonable in wanting to reconsider because of pressure from his mother...

EatDessertFirst Thu 06-Mar-14 16:16:50

I gave my DD a first name my DM hated for this exact reason mwahahahahaha!. She was convinced we were going to call her something she suggested and went on and on about it from the second scan till when DD was born.

Congratulations on your bubba in advance thanks! You should call him/her whatever YOU and DH want.

deelite72 Thu 06-Mar-14 16:20:29

Oh dear... exactly what anonymai said. God I hope I don't 'grow up' to be like this when my kids have their own. We had a similar situation. My daughter has two middle names: both grandmothers' names: my mum is Elizabeth but my nutty MIL with whom we have nothing to do with for LOTS of reasons (very sad, but very true) insisted we give our daughter her maiden name as one of the middle names. Lots of pressure, lots of guilt from husband. In a rational place, we never would have agreed. But we were bullied into it. And now, there it is, this lousy name on my DD's birth cert. I regret it BIG TIME. It's not even a nice, meaningful surname belonging to a nice, meaningful person. I sound harsh, but if you knew the history...
Anyway, don't make MIL happy. It's so not about her. Sorry to sound harsh but it's not her baby, not her identity to live with throughout HER life. It's your child's.

Eatriskier Thu 06-Mar-14 16:21:36

Call your DD whatever you want and spell it however you want. My DPs gave me a name with an odd spelling, that was their choice and their prerogative. I chose to use the classical spellings for my DCs names though I picked slightly odd names. DM wasn't too keen on the names for my DCs but kept her mouth closed (mainly) as I had previously pointed out I never liked the silly way she spelt my name. Your MIL got to name her DC, now its your turn.

winterlace Thu 06-Mar-14 16:21:55

I think this is the thing; if she was a strange and difficult woman we could ignore it but she seems so genuinely unhappy!

She's happy with the name but not the spelling! confused

picnicbasketcase Thu 06-Mar-14 16:26:48

What is the name?

YouTheCat Thu 06-Mar-14 16:27:46

Is she prone to being a pedant? I know I am. grin

Like if someone chose to call their child Jon/John I'd have no problem with that but if they decided to spell it Jhohnnn then I'd judge them like crazy (because I am a pedant).

It is your choice and she should respect that though.

dancemom Thu 06-Mar-14 16:29:15

Why would someone be so deeply unhappy about spelling??

winterlace Thu 06-Mar-14 16:30:55

I don't know, dance!

It's nothing like 'jhojnnn' don't worry. It's an accepted spelling of the name, just the less common one, a little like Elisabeth/Elizabeth. It isn't Elisabeth, though.

YouTheCat Thu 06-Mar-14 16:33:42

Go with what you originally decided and be prepared for years of eyerolling at misspelled birthday/Christmas cards.

Dd's gm still spells her name wrong and she's 19.

BlessedAssurance Thu 06-Mar-14 16:34:50

Lets put it this way OP. She had kids of her own, named them what she wanted. You are having the baby so now is your chance to name your baby whateveryou like. It is that simple. Why even discuss it with her? Tell her fine but when you register the name choose the spelling you are happy with. She will get over it, hopefully. MIL told my DH that she hated the name Jay. We are not calling our son that but we call him JJ for now. Tough because we are going to call him a J name and his NN will be JJ and she can not do anything about it. We like it and that is all that matters.

BlessedAssurance Thu 06-Mar-14 16:39:21

Oh and OP, at times you have no choice as to how your name is going to be spelt. In Norway the name Christy is spelt in so many ways. Kristy,Kristi,Christi. A simple enough name but spelt differently.

GandalfsBeard Thu 06-Mar-14 16:39:33

Even if she is genuinely unhappy, it's still none of her business what the name is, or how you decide to spell it. It's your baby, not hers, so she'll just have to suck it up! (IMO anyway!).

If you gave in and used the spelling she wants, you may really regret it in the future. Why should you be unhappy about the spelling of your child's name?

Use the spelling you and your Dh want, your mil will get over it!

OnlyLovers Thu 06-Mar-14 16:40:04

Tell her to get a life. Call your baby what you want. Jesus wept. What is WRONG with some people?

NB by that I mean MIL, not you! grin

winterlace Thu 06-Mar-14 16:41:36

We wouldn't use the spelling she wants as neither of us like the name spelled that way - we'd have to choose a different name.

I don't want it causing trouble and really it is so unlike her! She obviously hates it which is making me in turn question it! grin

Hopefully baby will be a boy as she loved that name!

hugoagogo Thu 06-Mar-14 16:44:02

I would call her what you want and spell it how you want.

Avoid the question, tell her she is stressing you out and make sure you register her name in case dh wavers at the last minute.

She will soon forget about it when your baby is here.

SarahAndFuck Thu 06-Mar-14 16:46:32

If you don't use the name you love, will you regret it?

People do have preferences for spelling (says the woman who did use Elisabeth to try and avoid a shortening to Liz grin ) but she will get used to it. Plenty of people prefer Catherine to Katherine or Claire to Clare or Sara to Sarah etc.

If she's happy with the name she will get used to the spelling. She may still get it wrong, and if she doesn't plenty of other people still will because they always do, even the most simple names get spelled wrong now and again, but you will be happy and you will have given your DD the name you love with the spelling you love.

You are not being unreasonable to want to do that. MIL will eventually get used to the spelling you have chosen but if you change it and regret it then you never will, you'll always be sorry you changed your mind.

hugoagogo Thu 06-Mar-14 16:48:42

Oh I thought you knew you were having a girl, well that makes it easy.
Just say you are going to wait and see which it is and decide then.

Too late now of course-but I do think that talking about names with other people is a bad idea; we presented both of ours complete with names and no discussion.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Thu 06-Mar-14 16:50:49

This is why you never ever ever discuss baby names before the birth.

Go with the name you like. Always - I know a few people who've been talked out of names they liked by family and lived to regret it.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Thu 06-Mar-14 16:51:56

OP please tell us the name grin

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