to not take spent pocket money out of their accounts?

[TerribleHumanBeing]

We pay money in every month, and it gets topped up by birthday/Christmas and by healthy injections from my wonderful in-laws.

Every now and then we encourage the dc to spend some of their pocket money on toys/treats they want. Dh has just realised that I don't actually then transfer money out of their accounts into ours.

We're at a bit of an impasse with this. He says we aren't teaching them the value of money.I say they have no idea how much they have (it's in the high hundreds so I'm not telling them) so the idea if spending their 'isn't cash is enough. Also, every so often they'll be given cash by grandparents or other relatives that just gets subsumed into the house spends (we are not terribly organised and if there's a fiver laying around someone will nab it to buy milk or bread etc) so I reckon it evens out.

Mainly though, I like to treat them.

What do you think? Aibu? Kids are 11, nearly 10 and 2. No access to their own savings, it all goes through me.

[TerribleHumanBeing]

Random 'isnt' there. Fucking kindle likes to invent sentences for me.

[BumpyGrindy]

Well why are you telling them that THEY are spending THEIR money and then just paying yourself?? Your DH is right!

You need to get them to draw the money out prior to having a trip out. YABU.

[TerribleHumanBeing]

Because it tends to go like this: can I have blah blah overpriced crap? No, but you can choose to spend your own money on it.

Weeks of deliberation later: I have decided it's worth/not worth spending my own money on.

Generally they only end up 'buying' the things they really want (I'm talking about the bigguns, not the toddler) and leaving the tat. Not always, but generally.

And they think they've paid, they have no idea they have decent savings really.

[TerribleHumanBeing]

Plus I want them to have a decent pot of cash when they're older. Ils are putting lots in lately and will continue to so they will have university or deposit fund .

I'd rather pay for stuff and leave their savings, but I like them thinking they are buying their own treats rather than becoming spoiled.

Does that make sense?

[MyNameIsKenAdams]

Tbh id have a "savings" account which they dont draw out of, and a "spends" account. At that age, you can get them to look at how much is in and work out that on a set day each month X goes in, and then when they draw money out, they see it disappearing.

[southeastastra]

just get them piggy banks

[ilovepowerhoop]

why cant you just give them the pocket money each week for them to save or spend as they wish. Seems a bit silly to put money in the account and then give them extras to spend on top of that.

My 2 get pocket money as cash and save it up and even club together to buy big things e.g. they bought a WiiU together.

How does it teach them the value of money if they buy things but their balance never reduces? - thats not real life

[TwittyMcTwitterson]

I see your kindle and raise you an iPad!!!

YANBU. See no problem here. They don't know the difference so they are spending as if their own and not frittering away just because it's yours. Is it your money or 'our' money?

[NearTheWindymill]

Savings and pocket money are different imo. Savings are not to be touched. Pocket money is theirs to do as they please with; save it, spend it; donate it.

I think it would be reasonable to give the older ones £10 a month each and let them spend it as they please and take charge of it.

[AgentZigzag]

I think it's good for them to have a bit of spending power and buy things you wouldn't necessarily get out of your own money. It's not just the process of handing the cash over but also the reckoning up in your head that you have to get to grips with, and letting them pretend (even though they don't know they are) is a valuable lesson.

I'm like you and pretty relaxed about the finances and would never account for everything down the last penny every week, and the DCs savings always have a bit of give/take balanced in their favour.

If you're skint he might have a point, but if you can afford it you'd only have to pay for their beer money driving lessons in the future anyway.

[Crowler]

Kids need to feel the "pain" of a drop in cash flow from spending. Your situation sounds similar to mine, I often tell them that I"m taking XX out of their account but I rarely get around to it.

My view is that if it's in the bank it should be earmarked for a long-term spending goal i.e. a laptop or similar, and normal, everyday expenditures should be funded from actual cash in their pockets or piggy banks.

[TerribleHumanBeing]

They don't see their balance. They both think about purchases more if it's their 'own' money but not in any kind of adding or subtracting way.

All family money is pooled, no issues though of dh thinking it's his money, just that we should keep it all proper and transparent.

I am famously profligate though, and dh famously sensible. Dammit.

[ilovepowerhoop]

can you not give them some 'cash in hand' each week and then they can physically see it building up and then the amount reducing as they spend it. You can still add to the bank balance each month if you wish.

[Timetofly]

Let them really spend their money - take it out and put it in their hands. If you want to save them a pot of money... instead of paying for their treats with your cash, put that into the account! It's only a paper exercise, but as your husband says, you need to teach them the value of money.

[LittleBearPad]

Put the savings in children's ISAs which they (and you) can't touch until their 18. I'm not sure how these work with child trust funds if the older ones have them. These can be the savings pots.
Then give them actual pocket money to spend as they want to. Pocket money in a bank account is a bit intangible and won't get them used to handling cash.
Tbh I'd have done what you've been doing too. I like to treat and wouldn't have been bothered to do the transfers.

[littleblackno]

I'm kind of the same as you on this. Kids don't have as much in their accounts but I put a bit in when I have some spare. If they get given cash for xmas I tend to 'look after it' and they can spend it if theres something they want. I figure at the moment it evens out, they don't think that I'm happy/ willing to buy them everything they want and they have a bit of money building up.

my plan is to move some into a savings accounts so they will have access to their own accounts when they are a bit older (im thinking secondary school). I rarely take money back out of their accounts although we are going on holiday soon and will probably take some out for their own spending money.

[AgentZigzag]

I don't think DD1 really got a sense of what money was until she went up to secondary, then she was walking about on her own/with mates and buying coffee chewing gum her own stuff a lot more.

[cornflakegirl]

I think what you're doing is valuable. Nothing wrong with treating your kids!

What I do for DS1 (8) is that he has two savings accounts, only one of which he knows about. So birthday and Christmas money goes into the account he sees, and he gets the statements for that. And if he makes a big purchase, I transfer the cash from his account.

Sizeable gifts and my regular savings for him go into the other account.

[TerribleHumanBeing]

God, you've just reminded me they both have those child trust funds. I must do something about those. I'd completely forgotten .

That was a weird idea, wasn't it? Ds1 got £500 because I was on a low income, dd got 250 and ds2 got fuck all because they scrapped it. Bizarre.

[littleblackno]

Also to add my kids already have isas that their dad jhas control over and pays regulsr money into for their future so any savings I make for them I'm thinking will be driving lessons 1st car, that sort of thing.

[TerribleHumanBeing]

I'm glad I'm not the only one doing this, I hadn't really given it much thought until dh made a goldfish face at me when we discussed it earlier...

[23balloons]

I don't see why a 10 & 11 year old do not know how much they have saved. How will they ever learn about money and spending if they never really handle it?

Ds2 is 11 and has visited the bank with me and known his balance since he was about 7, if he wanted to buy something we drew out the money and he saw the balance go down.

When ds1 turned 13 I put some of his money in a spending account, the bank encouraged him to be present for the transfer. He got a Debit card which he proceeded to put on play station and all his money was gone in 2 weeks. He got a massive shock when his first statement arrived and his money was gone. He learnt a valuable lesson and hasn't been on the play station since, he also vowed never to buy FIFA points again ( and he hasn't). I would rather my children learnt to handle money at this age than to wait until they turned 16/18? And then couldn't manage their money at all.