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"Gentlemans family" rage

(81 Posts)
Snowfedup Wed 05-Mar-14 19:34:48

2 friends have had a second dc of the opposite sex and the constant comments of them being so lucky and so bessed to have the perfect family give me the rage !

Wish I had a decent response (I am from a family of 2 girls and have 2 boys myself) they just don't seem to get how insulting it is !

Cranky01 Wed 05-Mar-14 19:39:57

Yanbu, I find the 'it's so nice to have a dd, I'm so looking forward to doing girly things with her, oh yeah you don't have that do you.' Comment, As thy eye my two ds's

Cranky01 Wed 05-Mar-14 19:40:30


RhondaJean Wed 05-Mar-14 19:40:53

I thought a gentlemans family was two boys followed by two girls?

PenguinsEatSpinach Wed 05-Mar-14 19:41:50

After many years of research, I have come to the conclusion that people say stupid things about families. Ages, spacing, sex. Anything is fair game for idiotic comments. I find ignoring to be the best policy - and I speak as someone who has two of the same sex and expecting no. 3, so believe me I've had some ignoring to do recently!

PenguinsEatSpinach Wed 05-Mar-14 19:43:09

I've always heard gentleman's family as meaning a boy and then a girl. You know, boy to carry on the name and then a girl to complete the set. Utter tosh.

RandomMess Wed 05-Mar-14 19:43:37

I have 4 dds, whenver people commented about perceived disappointment I just said the truth "it's not like having 4 dc the same!"

I also said I was relieved that I never had to go through a Thomas the Tank Engine phase - which is also very true for me.

QueenofKelsingra Wed 05-Mar-14 19:43:44

I have 'an heir and a spare' plus a DD - perfect surely? I still get 'oh you didn't need to have the third did you?' (DS2) You cant win whatever you have!

ikeaismylocal Wed 05-Mar-14 19:44:36

I think maybe they just see it as the perfect family set up because it is their setup.

I can see lots of positives about having 2 same sex children, my personal preference would be for 2 sons (already ave 1 son) and if the baby in my tummy is a boy I will probably say things like it feels so perfect having 2 boys so close in age, they can be buddies as they grow up and they are more likely to be into the same sports/hobbies and they can share a room for longer than a boy/girl. That doesn't mean that I think 2 girl or boy/girl families are unlucky or that my family is better just that I would be happy with 2 boys smile

BringBackBod Wed 05-Mar-14 19:44:55

I'd just ignore it. People talk crap.

softlysoftly Wed 05-Mar-14 19:45:55

I'm pg with dd3 and can't stand the feeling everyone thought we were going for a boy angry

galwaygirl Wed 05-Mar-14 19:46:15

I got those comments a lot when pregnant with DS and they gave me the rage too as I would have been equally delighted with another DD so your friends might be just as hacked off with it. It's a pretty stupid thing to say but I think most people say it for the sake of saying something.
I also got a lot of comments about how great it would be for DH to have another male in the house.

elfycat Wed 05-Mar-14 19:48:53

I always gush about how I hoped to have 2 the same as there's an outside chance they'll go to the same clubs and I won't have to be quite such a taxi, while smiling smugly at them.

And it's true. I didn't care what sex DD1 was, but I hoped for a girl the second time not that I'd have minded if it had been otherwise and DD2 has so far joined the same 2 activities as her sister. grin

kerala Wed 05-Mar-14 19:48:59

Relax you will get snarky ness whatever combination. With my 2 dds I get the odd "every man wants a son" nonsense ignore!

namechangesforthehardstuff Wed 05-Mar-14 19:50:26

I hate it because it's just sexist wank. Girls love shopping and boys like cars and rough stuff. Well only because you bring them up so fucking unimaginitively you cock.

Lambzig Wed 05-Mar-14 19:50:35

YANBU, I had a DS after a DD and got totally fed up with people telling me how pleased I must be to have a "pigeon pair/the set/one of each", and telling me now I don't have to try for a third. Also, how happy DH must be to have a boy now as if DD must have been a disappointment to him. Totally bizarre, I would have been happy to have two DD.

MerryWinterfel Wed 05-Mar-14 19:52:50

I have the opposite problem, people say to me 'you have the perfect family as you have one of each' when I ws just happy they both made it into the world safely and couldn't give two hoots what their gender is! Why do people think like that?

ProfondoRosso Wed 05-Mar-14 19:55:54

I have never, ever heard the expression 'gentleman's family' before now and I'm disgusted. Jesus, the miserable obsession with class/status/correctness in Britain. Fuck the fucking fuck off.

Not you, OP. YANBU. Some people are just cocks.

Calloh Wed 05-Mar-14 20:02:54

I'd have thought a gentleman's family would be 2 and then 2 as isn't a 2:2 a gentleman's degree?

Either way I get so furious with people expressing their crazy shit on this kind of stuff - but ignore and be safe and smug in the knowledge that saying anything unasked for on sex/age gap/names makes them a mega twat whose opinions should be automatically discounted.

TheGonnagle Wed 05-Mar-14 20:06:59

Try just having one!
Lonely only, spoilt, overindulged, socially inept and shit at sharing/caring. All comments I've had about what I'm foisting on dd as I am challenged in the fertility department. Sometimes people are thoughtless, sometimes they're just spiteful cunts. Smile and ignore, smile and ignore (or stick a fork in their hand, up to you wink )

AdoraBell Wed 05-Mar-14 20:10:44

According to MIL being "surrounded by women", as in me and two daughters, is a problem for DH. Presumably the best thing I could do for him is to leave and refuse contact, but I stubbornly continue to ignore MILgrin

I suggest you do the same OP.

ProfondoRosso Wed 05-Mar-14 20:14:28

My Dad used to say he couldn't stand living in a house with 3 women (me, DSis and DM), Adora, and that he was off to join the foreign legion grin

But he loves us really.

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos Wed 05-Mar-14 20:15:23

I get silly comments because I have 4 DCs, girl boy girl boy. If I'm in a good mood, I respond gamely with "I planned it well, didn't I?!". Problem is, I actually have five children but my eldest was SB, so they're talking such rubbish but don't realise it.

Mintyy Wed 05-Mar-14 20:17:46

Never heard this phrase before! Is it a northern thing?

You have plenty of company in feeling the rage though op - tis one of the most frequently posted rants on Mumsnet.

MidniteScribbler Wed 05-Mar-14 20:19:36

I think there will always be someone who talks crap to you, regardless of your family set up. I'm the last of my family, and I had DS as a single parent, and I kept getting "Oh how nice that you're having a boy to carry on the family name".

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