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to think my dd is not 'freaky' for being mature?

(73 Posts)
MamaSmurf99 Wed 05-Mar-14 13:08:32

My dd is almost 6. She has always been mature and we are great friends as well as mother and daughter. My friend has a daughter who's a few months older than mine, and my dd and hers are good friends. There's been a few instances recently where our dds have reacted completely differently, and it's led to my dd being criticised by my friend.

For example:

1. Our dds attend a dance class together that they both love. We arrived there last week to find it'd been unexpectedly cancelled. My dd shrugged and started planning what to do instead, her friend was banging on the door, crying saying she wanted to dance and it took 15 mins for her mum to get her away, still crying and being rude saying it was her mum's fault.

2. They were going on a school trip and both packed a small bag but when it came to leaving, the teacher said no bags allowed. Dd left it at school but her friend was holding onto hers and crying most of the way there.

3. If I say no to something, dd accepts it. Friend and her dd have daily battles.

Friend said my dd is 'freaky' for being 'too mature' and that she must have been taught to 'repress her feelings.' aibu to think kids are just different, that my dd isn't freaky and to be offended by her saying I've made her repress herffeelings?

Joules68 Wed 05-Mar-14 13:11:19

Take a lesson from your dd and just shrug it off and move on?

Erm, your DD isn't freaky, her DD is over indulged.

YANBU!

Scholes34 Wed 05-Mar-14 13:11:35

Your DD sounds perfect.

FuckyNell Wed 05-Mar-14 13:12:33

What a perfect daughter you have grin

Gileswithachainsaw Wed 05-Mar-14 13:13:42

What betty said

KiwiBanana Wed 05-Mar-14 13:13:49

I think you are freaky for stealth boasting grin
Course there's nothing wrong with her!

Dogonabeanbag Wed 05-Mar-14 13:14:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tulip26 Wed 05-Mar-14 13:15:25

Is the other kid an only child?

Wantsunshine Wed 05-Mar-14 13:15:35

I don't think mature would be the right work to use. Neither childs reactions are freaky. It just sounds like yours is not that fussed when things change or wasn't too bothered about what she had in her bag.

shakinstevenslovechild Wed 05-Mar-14 13:16:44

Were you stealth boasting to your friendjust before she said your daughter was 'freaky for being too mature' by any chance? grin

Retropear Wed 05-Mar-14 13:17:26

Maybe you had an air of smugness and said mother was retaliating.

Kids mature at different rates,you may find later on the other child puts yours to shame.

AMumInScotland Wed 05-Mar-14 13:17:40

What your friend means is "Your child cannot be naturally better than mine at dealing with things, therefore you have obviously forced her to suppress her natural desire to throw tantrums when she doesn't get her way. My child expresses herself. ^Yours is repressed."

Don't worry about it. Parents don't like to think others have skills theirs lack.

MamaSmurf99 Wed 05-Mar-14 13:18:36

It's not boasting - I admit I've wondered about my dd before because she just is never that emotional like her friends seem to be so that's why this comment has hit a nerve.

MamaSmurf99 Wed 05-Mar-14 13:20:43

No the friend has an older sister too.

Comeatmefam Wed 05-Mar-14 13:20:59

Yes you are boasting.

And I don't actually believe your friend said this to you!

steppemum Wed 05-Mar-14 13:24:09

I disagree that this is only about parenting. It may be but it may also just be very different personalities.

You can have 2 kids in the same family who react very differently in the same circumstances. Some kids really, really struggle with change, whether that is an event cancelled or just a change of expectation (like the bag).

Others take it in their stride. It sounds as if your dds are opposite ends of the spectrum in this.

notso Wed 05-Mar-14 13:25:45

It's just different characters. My older two were like your DD, my third DC is more like the friend not sure about DC4 yet.

mymiraclebubba Wed 05-Mar-14 13:27:33

Why is it boasting???

mamasmurf I work with kids a little older than your dd's and trust me their is a wealth of difference between how any two kids will react. You have clearly taught your daughter well that unfortunately some things alter and that throwing a tantrum about it won't change matters or she is just naturally a chilled out kid. Either way enjoy it and don't let your friend and her jealous attitude wind you up!!

My dsd is like yours and takes it all in her stride (age 8) where as dss (10) will throw a complete hiss fit and have an utter melt down.

MrsCakesPremonition Wed 05-Mar-14 13:28:20

Well I know which child I prefer to deal with when it comes to changing plans - and I've got one of each.

usernameunknown Wed 05-Mar-14 13:28:25

"always been mature". What a strange thing to say about a 5 year old! I can't see how not getting upset = maturity.

Does your DD ever get upset?

The other parent was wrong to call your DD freaky, though perhaps she was just embarrassed at her DD's own reaction to the situations.

bonkersLFDT20 Wed 05-Mar-14 13:33:32

I have 2 sons. My older son is like the 'mature' girl, my younger is like the other one. They have been pretty much raised in the same way - same parents, same house, same nursery, same school, same family influences.

Their natures are completely different. DS1 is easy going, takes everything in his stride, doesn't mind being different, does his own thing. He's wonderful company. He's also quite closed and you wonder what's going on in his head.

DS2 is very passionate and emotional, prone to drama and tantrums and can sulk for a very long time. Used in a positive way his passion and emotion are fabulous - he's SO enthusiastic and funny.

Kids are very different. I've had to learn how to handle DS2. It saddens me to read here that people see that behaviour as the result of being spoilt or over-indulged. I don't tolerate rudeness but he still comes out with it. I admit that I am quite thankful he's my second as I'm sure people would judge if he was my only.

blueberryupsidedown Wed 05-Mar-14 13:34:04

Agree with notso. Children respond differently and it's not always down to parenting. DS1 never had a tantrum, he is 8 years old going on 28, he is rational, balanced, accepting. DS2 had tantrums at drop of a hat. I always tried not to 'show off' how good and composed DS1 was, but I am sure that I was a little smug about it and when DS2 arrived I surely paid up for having such a calm first child. I think you are a little immature about it frankly, and yabu. Maybe if she is your friend you could be supportive about it and not judgmental? Don't worry too much about what she thinks about you, and maybe look at yourself and see just how smug you might act when your daughter is acting perfectly?

Balaboosta Wed 05-Mar-14 13:42:15

If this is a stealth boast I'd hate to see a blatant one. YABU to get "offended" OP, your friend is probably mortified by the difference in behaviour between your two DDs. Enjoy your DD, she sounds wonderfully easy-going.

DeWe Wed 05-Mar-14 13:46:17

I don't think that either girl is unusual, nor is it a sign of maturity/immaturity.

All of mine would have shrugged off any of the senarios you give, might have had a sad face in the car on the way home, but even ds, who is immature for his age and also is aged 6yo would not be worried.

Also the reaction to both could depend on the situation. eg. Your dd isn't too bothered about her dance lesson; her dd it's the highlight of the week.
Your dd loves going on the school trip; her dd finds situations going into the unknown scary and the bag was more of a comfort item which helped her feel in control.

And for my dc, dd1 doesn't do emotion. She buttons it all up. Doesn't mean she is less upset than my dd2 who lets it all out. With dd1 everything is "that's fine"/"alright". Dd2 we have constant "best/worst day of my life", that's personality, nothing to do with parenting or maturity.

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