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To be disgusted at how men speak to me!

(70 Posts)
DomesticDisgrace Tue 04-Mar-14 22:20:31

I've been single since last summer when I ended a long term relationship with DD's dad.
It's as if I'm only really feeling "available" lately and in a place to be friendly/open to the possibility of something, in hindsight I've probably been stomping around with a face on me for the past couple of months but the reality of the men I've encountered has left me bewildered!

Just a few examples, my car window was smashed the other day and a neighbour was over chatting about it and we were joking that it could be someone with a vendetta, he then went onto say how he bets there's a queue of blokes dying to jump into my bed. It sounds like no big deal, I suppose it's not but I had never even spoken to him before.
I was chatting to another guy from my management company and we were really getting on and having a laugh and little mild bit of a flirt, I was saying I had a painter coming this week and how awkward I feel having someone in the house and I'd rather just go out and he said "I'll bet he'll be in your laundry basket sniffing your knickers" shock Ugh again, I barely know him.
Lastly, just last night I got talking to an old old colleague over at the shops who has lost loads of weight. I complimented him and was asking about exercise, gyms etc and he offered to bring me. I said Ah I'd think about it then he texted me saying he didn't want to say in front of my daughter but he thought I had a "rocking" body already, we were texting a bit and it basically resulted in him asking to come over for sex blush

I'm not a bit flattered by the way, I'm really offended actually that things have changed so much since I've last been single or that these men think so little of me that they think it's OK to talk about my knickers being sniffed (vomit) or blatantly asking to come over for sex!

I don't believe I'm giving off any vibe to invite this sort of stuff aside from being friendly, I feel like I've walked into this new world and suddenly I'm the massive prude!

scarffiend Tue 04-Mar-14 22:22:04

Or you've just met massive twats lately. Who talks to women like that????

rabbitlady Tue 04-Mar-14 22:30:07

it happens when a relationship ends. in fact, it happens when a relationship starts. and when you get married. there's some kind of 'group' thing about men. they think if you'll go with one of them, you'll go with them all. they're wrong, in most cases, but they keep on trying. as my (male) counsellor (who was trying it on) put it, "we men try a hundred times, and we might get lucky only once".

and as for who talks to women like that, its usually, but not always, uneducated men.

GreenMouse Tue 04-Mar-14 22:30:41

Sadly it's probably because they think that as a single mum, you must be desperate for a shag by any man... Don't take it personally. Just be ready with a few biting put-downs, and get even!

FoxesRevenge Tue 04-Mar-14 22:31:18

I'm single and experience what the OP has on a regular basis. It makes you lose your faith in men, it really does. When I was younger and single it never happened like this.

GreenMouse Tue 04-Mar-14 22:34:03

Sorry, I meant, dont' take it personally, it's not you, it's them. They are massive knobheads.

KinderBoris Tue 04-Mar-14 22:37:14

Green I think you are right. I have a recently divorced friend with a young dd and some of the approaches she has had have been shock.

It's as if they think she should be grateful for any kind of attention at all. This is a woman who men would have walked over hot coals for before she got married!

monstermissy Tue 04-Mar-14 22:40:09

I'm single and was talking about this with a friend the other day. Maybe it's the sort of man I meet but i had a issue with a man at work recently making unwelcome physical advances. (Educated men who ought to know better in a professional environment) The incident got back to the boss and he made it an official warning. I get so fed up with men thinking it's ok to talk to me in this way. Men who seem to confuse someone who is generally happy, friendly and smiley as a wantant flirt. Like I should be grateful for the fuss! It bothers me more and more as the years go on. It's sad but I'm trying hard to keep the faith that there are good men out there.

Silverfoxballs Tue 04-Mar-14 22:41:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker Tue 04-Mar-14 22:46:55


GreenMouse Tue 04-Mar-14 22:48:55

Yes Boris that's it, they think you should be grateful that they deign bestowing any attention on you.

Silverfox yes it is horrible, especially when you see men you knew before as friends (or so you thought) coming out with stuff like that.

DomesticDisgrace Tue 04-Mar-14 22:50:40

Also, this should probably be another thread but the amount of old acquaintances, boyfriends etc in serious relationships that have gotten in touch blatantly trying to cheat on their partners, two of which have shattered my faith in men altogether as they appear to be so in love, one planning to propose soon.

God I'm probably sounding as if I'm trying to make myself sound fabulous looking but that's not it at all. I honestly think my friendliness is being construed as desperation or something which is very worrying!

rabbitlady Tue 04-Mar-14 22:53:05

i don't think its as mean as thinking you ought to be grateful. i just think they're desperate for shags. any shags. whether they're getting them at home or not.

extremepie Tue 04-Mar-14 23:08:33

I have found this recently too, I'm on a dating website as its pretty much the only way I can meet new people and so many of them start off by showing me pics of their cocks, asking me for photos or just blatantly asking for sex!

I didn't think blokes did that in real life! Last time I was single was 8years ago so not that long - what's wrong with these people!

DomesticDisgrace Tue 04-Mar-14 23:15:22

It's unbelievable isn't it extreme! Or the topless selfies of themselves in the mirror hmm

I was at a college open day on Saturday all the men, tutors etc looked so normal, nice and respectful but I was thinking ew I bet you're secretly all the same!

ColdTeaAgain Tue 04-Mar-14 23:23:21

Sounds like you've been unlucky lately. Some men see an attractive single mum and just think easy target. Must be needy and desperate. How wrong they are! Hope you meet someone nice one day, they ARE out there smile

DomesticDisgrace Tue 04-Mar-14 23:26:58

Aw thank you coldtea thanks

LessMissAbs Tue 04-Mar-14 23:30:51

You know, I'm beginning to wonder if these men are closet gay. They surely cannot expect to attract a woman with these attempts, but it does seem the sort of chat that might appeal to a few gay men. Perhaps. I'm clutching at straws. You would think basic social skills would enable a man to chat up a woman. Or maybe they have been rebuffed so many times, they are afraid of refusal so don't make much of an effort so as to have a reason for rejection.

LineRunner Tue 04-Mar-14 23:38:14

At least they are showing their true colours early on so you can tell them they revolt you. (And why not tell them the truth?)

It can be trickier to spot the 'smooth operators'. Hence the very good MN advice frequently given, not to rush anything!

I have a very nice OH btw whom I met accidentally and he talks to me just fine. He hates men like the knobbers you described.

AnyFucker Tue 04-Mar-14 23:39:18

Some of these men are closet homosexuals, IMO

the type of men who go to strip clubs and watch each other get turned on under the cover of "enjoying" the women grin

rabbitlady Wed 05-Mar-14 07:04:05

my grandma informed me that you can't even afford to be civil with men. politeness is taken as a come-on. i have found that to be the case.

Melonbreath Wed 05-Mar-14 07:12:47

I love your grandma rabbitlady, my great aunt told me never to go out with a man unless armed with a hat pin.
She was mad.

at least these guys are saving you the bother of getting to know them before you find out they're twats.

CinnabarRed Wed 05-Mar-14 08:45:49

The converse is also true - there is a section of the male population to whom I become invisible when they discover I am in a committed, monogamous relationship.

I suspect there is significant overlap between the leachers and the invisiblers!

But I do also believe that this isn't true for the majority of men, who are decent and kind.

formerbabe Wed 05-Mar-14 09:57:45

Rabbitladys grandma was do take civility as a come on! There are a lot of frogs wankers out there!

Crowler Wed 05-Mar-14 10:08:55

I think you've had a bit of bad luck. Most men are not vile.

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