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AIBU?

little boy with autism

114 replies

x2boys · 04/03/2014 18:32

my three your old was diagnosed with autism and some learning difficulties at xmas at the moment life is awful both myself and my husband work opposite shifts to work around childcare I,m a nurse in a very stressful job work have not been at all supportive of my circumstances would I be being unreasonable to give up work for a bit to care for my son he is quite demanding with a terrible sleep pattern . we would have to claim some benefits we are currently awaiting a decision on dla . I would have to claim child tax credits housing benefit carers allowance but we would have a quality of life and there are all sorts of support groups and discounted days out that we can never go to and we could actually be a family I,m a trained nurse I wouldn't want to give up work for ever maybe a couple of years until my son is more settled what are peoples thoughts?

OP posts:

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YouTheCat · 04/03/2014 18:35

If it will make all your lives easier, do it. And much luck to you.

UnicornCrisps · 04/03/2014 18:38

YANBU, do whatever is best for your family.

orangepudding · 04/03/2014 18:39

Sounds like giving up work is the right thing for you to do at the moment.

longtallsally2 · 04/03/2014 18:40

Hope that the dla decision goes your way as it sounds as if that would make a difference. Shift work is stressful at the best of times, so no, YANBU at all.

You should be able to do some bank shifts as well if you do give your job up to keep your skills and CV up to date, shouldn't you?

Frusso · 04/03/2014 18:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

everlong · 04/03/2014 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

x2boys · 04/03/2014 18:46

thanks everyone that brought a tear to my eye I have always worked but life is so hard at the moment

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IamRechargingthankYou · 04/03/2014 18:47

YANBU at all. Well done for rationally considering your situation during an emotionally difficult time. The position you currently find yourself in is familiar to many on this site and you'll find them over on the SEN Chat and Children boards, full of sympathy and advice. If work are not helpful they/it have no place in your life right now and you can always re-enter at a pace to suit your family's situation. Good luck to all of you.

Rumours · 04/03/2014 18:49

Yes do it, it sounds like the best decision for you and your family. Ive done it too, I have two with autism and while its very hard work, they both benefit from having me home supporting them.

Nanny0gg · 04/03/2014 18:50

Don't even hesitate. This is what the system is actually there to do - help families like yours.

Wishing you all lots of luck!

x2boys · 04/03/2014 18:51

oh everyone thankyou its helped put things in perspective lovely comments

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MissMilbanke · 04/03/2014 18:52

I think it's a perfectly reasonable thing to be doing.

In your position as a nurse I would imagine its quite easy to get back into the Job market - just make sure you keep up to date with anything you need to.

Your little boy needs you at the moment,and I'm guessing from your post that you need a little time to accept everything that is happening and make sense of it.

It will all work out ok I promise.

UnicornCrisps · 04/03/2014 18:54

Best of luck to you

Ledare · 04/03/2014 18:55

I know of a very highly trained specialist nurse who took a career break following dx.

My own DS was diagnosed before three and it took a lot of coming to terms with. All the very best x

x2boys · 04/03/2014 18:55

yes I am struggling a bit with the diagnosis just accepting it really and helping my older son understand why his brother is a little bit different he lovely with him and he is only seven.

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gamerchick · 04/03/2014 18:56

Wait until you have the dla.. It makes life easier.

I do jobs around my son's needs while the husband works full time but it means I'm on call during the day while he's at school and around when he's off.

It makes life a lot easier.

OneStepForwardTwoBack · 04/03/2014 19:00

You might find life settles down a bit when he's older too so may feel able to go back to work at a later date. My son was diagnosed when he was 5 but life was very difficult from age 3. He's nearly 7 now and settled in his special school and work could be a possibility again. I was already a SAHM when he was diagnosed, just had to be one a bit longer than I intended. My older son is 3.5 years older too and a great asset to him, and me! :-)

CocktailQueen · 04/03/2014 19:02

YANBU at all. Sounds like things are really tough at the moment, and you need to be there for your ds. You could do some bank shifts, couldn't you, to earn some money and keep your skills up to date?

x2boys · 04/03/2014 19:03

yes I could still do bank or agency would have to do a bit to keep my oin active.

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apermanentheadache · 04/03/2014 19:04

Absolutely you are not been u to want to give up. It must be so hard for you at the moment. Grrrr to your work.

I am so sorry if this soundd negative but... please get some advice on your likely benefits income if you do give up work. There are all sorts of rules about claiming having voluntarily given up work. They may well not apply in yiur situation but it would be good to check so that when you do hand your notice in you know you will be able to manage financially.

eggsandwich · 04/03/2014 19:05

Hi, I have a DS who in now 14 years old and he too was diagnosed with ASD and severe learning difficulties when he was three and I can tell you for us the early years were really tough, luckily I was a SAHM while my DH worked but I can't imagine what it would of been like if I also worked, I know it helped with one of us being at home but I also needed a breather from time to time just to get some time for me. I would certainly say take a career break for a while and see how things go that way you can keep your options open for later, but 11 years down the line our DS has changed and achieved so much more than we had ever hoped it would of help so much to of seen how well he would progress way back then.

WooWooOwl · 04/03/2014 19:09

Couldn't you try and find part time work or just another job that would fit in with your parenting responsibilities better?

Tbh, I think giving up work entirely is only the right thing in rare circumstances or if your child's disability is severe.

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apermanentheadache · 04/03/2014 19:10

Why woowooowl? Wrong thing in what respect?

x2boys · 04/03/2014 19:12

I have spoken to carers advice they did say if I was just giving up work just to go on jsa for no good reason obviously I would not have a leg to stand but due to the circumstances they don't think its unreasonable.

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AgaPanthers · 04/03/2014 19:13

How much do you and your husband earn currently?

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