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AIBU?

To make a complaint about a teaching assistant?

50 replies

daisydoo222 · 04/03/2014 10:14

There's a TA in my son's class who I find to be extremely rude, I'm thinking about making a complaint about her but not sure if I'd be wasting my time and energy?

She's only been at the school for around 6-8 weeks but already I've been 'told off' by her twice and I feel it was totally uncalled for and I'm not happy about my son seeing someone speak to his mother with such little respect.

The first occasion I got 'told off' was because my son (4) had sweets in his pocket and told the teachers that I had given them to him that morning. The truth was that he had been to his DSD's the day before who had let him take some sweets home, they went in his coat pocket and I didn't know anything about them. She made such a song and dance over it and when I told her why they were in his pocket she questioned me as though I was lying.

Yesterday I was 5 mins late picking him up, it is the first time I have EVER been late, it only happened because there was a fire and there were roads closed off which delayed me.
Well OMG she was sooo rude, I got "you do know its 10 past they finish don't you?!!!" well the official finish time is quarter past but they open the doors at 10 past because some parents have to collect other kids from the other side of the school.
She gave me such a filthy look and even after I explained about the fire she still went on to a rant about punctuality.

The thing that's annoyed me the most is the fact that she's spoke to me disrespectfully in front of my son, I wouldn't let my husband speak to me like that and I would never speak to anybody like that.

The school is such a happy place, all the other teaching staff I friendly, happy and kind to all the kids and parents, I really don't think she fits in with the school at all. I don't like the way she is with the kids either, she's a lot more negative than all the other staff.

I've asked to speak to the actual teacher tomorrow about several things, is it worth me complaining about the TA? Or is it just going to end up causing more tension?

OP posts:

Report

goodmum123 · 04/03/2014 10:18

Yes she sounds like a bully and perhaps needs a word. Even if you were late there is a correct way to speak to people. Yanbu

tethersend · 04/03/2014 10:18

I'd have a quiet word with the teacher at this stage. Not a formal complaint exactly, but make your feelings known.

The TA may just need a bit of guidance on how to deal with parents.

NeonMuffin · 04/03/2014 10:23

Definitely complain. I think she's sounds very rude.

CuppaSarah · 04/03/2014 10:28

If she's that bad I'd imagine the school are well are well aware and appropriate action will be taken. When I was TA if we got staff that 'didn't gel' staff would be asked keeps logs of incidents like that above and when there was enough evidence it would move to disciplinary action, or if they were still on probation they would be let go.

I would talk to the teacher at this point and see what she says to do. Yanbu

KateSpade · 04/03/2014 10:49

I am dreading DD going to a school because of reasons like that! I didn't let teachers speak to me like that at school & w

HuntingforBunting · 04/03/2014 10:52

Complain.... To the teacher first and then the head if it persists. But quietly and politely at all times if you want to be taken seriously

SaucyJack · 04/03/2014 10:53

Feel free to complain- but not to the teacher.

It's simply isn't his/her responsibility.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/03/2014 10:54

Definitely have a word with the HT that is totally unacceptable. She haven't been there that long and she probably will be on probation so tge HT would value your feedback.

daisydoo222 · 04/03/2014 10:56

Thanks, yes I'm going to have a word with the teacher tomorrow. She is lovely and we actually get on really well, I know she would never in a million years speak to me the way this TA does, funnily enough I've noticed the only times she's done it are when the teacher isn't there, typical bullying behaviour.

My son said she's kind but IMO she's not lovely like all the other staff.

OP posts:

soverylucky · 04/03/2014 10:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

daisydoo222 · 04/03/2014 10:58

The teacher is head of foundation years (or whatever they call nursery & reception) so would it not be her responsibility to have a word with the TA?

OP posts:

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 04/03/2014 11:01

have you already told her to not speak to you like that?

that would be the first thing I'd do. Point out that she is being rude and you will not accept it.

If she continues, then escalate it.

MyBodyIsAtemplate · 04/03/2014 11:07

hi op I am a TA. I am never rude although often driven to it

speak to the teacher first as she should be setting the time for the early years dept.

however it would have been perfectly acceptable for you to have firmly told her yourself that sweets in dss pocket are actual it none of her business and that you apologised for bring late and that's all you have to go. stand up for yourself op.

honeybunny14 · 04/03/2014 11:10

Complain.

gamerchick · 04/03/2014 11:15

no skip the teacher and go straight to the head.

I had to do this recently with my sons aggressive TA.. i'd put up with her rudeness since reception and was finding myself being equally as rude back to her and i dislike how being rude makes me feel for the rest of the day. I have a good relationship in general with the school as we have to have open lines of communication.

i explained that although i'm grateful for everything she does for my son (he's SN and she does most of his 1+1) i couldn't tolerate her aggressive manner anymore as I was being rude back and I didn't like that.

The TA has avoided me since.

I don't know who the hell some of them think they are tbh although I know some perfectly lovely ones.. it's affected my rapport with his teacher as I can't be bothered asking anything anymore due to this woman.

Go to the head.

justmatureenough2bdad · 04/03/2014 11:28

i think i would be tempted to point out to her that her role as TA gives her no authority to discuss these matters with me...

daisydoo222 · 04/03/2014 11:33

Thanks.

After the first time it happened I came away thinking 'if she speaks to me like that again I'm going to point out that I am in fact a 33 year old adult, not one of the 4 year olds, and that I'd like her to speak to me like that'.
But I suppose last night I knew I was in the wrong and I just apologised because I suppose I've been brought up to be polite and apologise when you're in the wrong.
Again, it was only when I walked away that i thought 'I can't believe she's just spoke to me like that'.
I do need to learn to stand up for myself more, I just worry it'll all come out wrong and I end up being just as rude and nasty as she is. I suppose I need to learn to assert myself in a polite way where i end up looking like the better person

OP posts:

daisydoo222 · 04/03/2014 11:36

I'm actually currently reading How to Win Friends and Influence People.
I'm sure there's a chapter on how to win arguments, I'll have to skip to that chapter tonight :)

OP posts:

Timetofly · 04/03/2014 11:37

Of course speak to the teacher. She line manages the TA and is responsible for what happens in her class. If things don't improve you might need to speak to the Head.

winterhat · 04/03/2014 11:39

YANBU. You're doing the right thing in contacting the teacher as first port of call.

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 04/03/2014 11:40

I think you are being precious.

You were wrong, on two counts. Not your fault, but still your responsibility.

It would have behoved you to apologise, and leave it there IMO.

Not going on about "being talked to disrespectfully in front of your 4 year old".

Topseyt · 04/03/2014 11:41

Most teaching assistants are fine, but I have known one or two who overstep the mark.

Speak to the teacher as planned. You may find you are not alone and others have been rubbed up the wrong way be this woman.

If she is rude to you again then be more direct with her. Tell her that you expect to be treated with respect, especially in front of your son, and if she cannot be more civil then you will take it further.

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MyBodyIsAtemplate · 04/03/2014 11:41

i don't know who the hell some if then think they are tbh

what a spectacularly rude and stupid comment. whatever the job there are rude unpleasant people. silly generalisation.

Viviennemary · 04/03/2014 11:43

I got told off a couple of times by a teaching assistant. But she was good at her job and the kids liked her so I just took it in and looked serious. She wasn't rude but a bit shall I say over enthusiastic. So it depends on the circumstances.

gamerchick · 04/03/2014 11:45

Well I dont.. what gives any support staff at the school pull you in the playground.. usually in front of your child and give you a ticking off in a snarly manner?

They don't have the right to do that and that was confirmed when I complained.

and I did say some of them well I meant to.

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