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AIBU?

To cancel Pancake Tuesday?

267 replies

nocontactforevermore · 04/03/2014 08:42

I posted on here the other day my dd's behaviour. She keeps waking me up really early in morn, bursts into my room at all hours. This morn she came in at 6. I sent her back to her room, so she stood outside it with a whistle instead.

I have tried everything (aside from buying her one of those special clocks) She always claims she just wants to know what time it is, what time I'm getting up. She has a room full of toys, just will not entertain herself. She is pretty much like that when she's awake as well. I was so frustrated this morn that i burst into tears. I've pleaded with her, begged even. I don't sleep well as it is.

I've told her she can't go to her activity and pancakes are off. I am guilty of not following through with what I say. Is this too harsh a punishment?

OP posts:

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LucyLasticBand · 04/03/2014 08:43

how old is she?
does she want to come into bed with you?

LucyLasticBand · 04/03/2014 08:44

and imo YABU

nocontactforevermore · 04/03/2014 08:44

She's 7

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HadABadDay2014 · 04/03/2014 08:45

How old is she.

LucyLasticBand · 04/03/2014 08:45

oh 7, gosh. i wasnt expecting that.

nocontactforevermore · 04/03/2014 08:45

She started imitating an alarm clock by 'bleeping loudly' through the cracks in my door. When that didn't work she went and got a whistle and blew that instead'

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LucyLasticBand · 04/03/2014 08:45

would you let her go downstairs on her own?

Clearlymisunderstood · 04/03/2014 08:46

What time does she go to bed? At 7 she should be able to amuse herself for a little while but if she hasn't got a clock it's hard for her to judge what time it is too.

LucyLasticBand · 04/03/2014 08:46

what time does she go to sleep at night?

Rumplestiltskinismyname · 04/03/2014 08:46

How old is your dd? Have you though about getting her a clock with large numbers so she can see that you get up at 7.00 and not to come up before then? What incentives has she got to stay in bed? Pleading is not enough!! Maybe a sticker for every morning she stays in bed until 7am and then a comic after 7 mornings with a sticker?

nocontactforevermore · 04/03/2014 08:47

Yeah I let her, she won't go. She also won't learn to turn the tv on herself, I've tried and she says she forgets. Hell she even has a DVD player in her room, won't learn to turn that on either.

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Rumplestiltskinismyname · 04/03/2014 08:47

Ah- see she's 7- maybe something more mature than a comic then!

HadABadDay2014 · 04/03/2014 08:47

I would still do the pancakes, but I would never use food as a threat or punishment.

starfishmummy · 04/03/2014 08:48

Possibly - but we all say things like that when we are tired and stressed.

Perhaps you could give her a chance to "earn" the pancakes back? Doing a small task? Even if it isn't done very well, as long as she has a go?

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 04/03/2014 08:52

I think you need to work on teaching her to play independently and so it will build up to the point where she does not need your constant attention. Perhaps rewards for blocks of time where she has entertained herself?

Can she tell the time? Get her a clock that she can understand and introduce sanctions for trying to wake you up before that time and rewards for waiting until that time.

Have you explained to her how disturbing your sleep makes you feel? Does she understand or care that you feel quite unwell if your sleep is disturbed? If she is unable to understand that other people deserve some consideration, that's another thing to work on.

At 7 she really needs to be understanding that you matter too and that she must be considerate. You are not simply her entertainment.

I know opinion is split on this, but what about a lock on your door? She cannot burst in if the door is locked. It's an option. It's got its positives and negatives of course, but I am just thinking of a temporary measure along with a number of other strategies to reinforce what you are trying to teach her that she cannot burst in at all hours, without any consideration.

Wineoclocksomewhere · 04/03/2014 08:53

I am sorry but I don't think you 'plead' with a seven year old. You are the grown up. You need to find a sanction that works and stick to it. It's your job to show her how the world works. Get her a clock, stick a photo of the clock showing 7am or whenever your get up time is next to it, and reinforce that she can't come and disturb you before then.

Don't make food a sanction generally, but pancake day is fun and it wouldn't kill her/ starve her to carry this through as a threat. Kids aren't daft and if they know you don't mean it then of course it won't work.

Wineoclocksomewhere · 04/03/2014 08:54

I can't believe she stands outside with a whistle!!

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 04/03/2014 08:54

don't turn on the tv or dvd player for her during the day.

If she wants any tv or dvd time at all, ever, then she has to turn it on and sort it out

i bet she will demonstrate very quickly that she does indeed know how to do it

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 04/03/2014 08:54

yeah, the whistle needs to go in the bin! today!

nocontactforevermore · 04/03/2014 08:57

This last an ongoing thing. She will stop it for 2 days then do it again. She used to literally 'burst in' shouting, so we had a really crappy way of being woken every noting but at least now she comes in more quietly. Not sure a whistle could be considered quiet though.

I know this probably sounds quite stubborn but I'm reluctant to go and buy her yet another expensive contraption to make her stay in bed. I kind of feel she should just 'do it'. All my friends children don't do what she does, and when we have sleepovers they can hardly believe how demanding she is in the mornings. Even when my dd has a friend to stay here she tries to pull me from the bed at 5am. I've not batted an eyelid at all this when she was tiny, but 7? Really?

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PandaFeet · 04/03/2014 08:58

I remember your previous post.

Her lack of respect for you really is an issue that you are going to have to deal with.

Don't do pancakes, you aren't using food as a punishment as I assume she will still have another meal, just not pancakes on pancake day. Stick with your punishment. See it through.

LucyLasticBand · 04/03/2014 08:58

could you put her to bed later?

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ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 04/03/2014 08:59

well, does she get what she wants?
do you get up?

nocontactforevermore · 04/03/2014 09:00

I actually thought about a lock- I am starting to feel so desperate. I just don't sleep well so everthing is clouded by that and I know that's not her fault. Sometimes it's 2 or 3am before I've nodded off and when she catapults into my room at 6, I just see it as a precious hour gone. I have a demanding job and I could just cry when I think of how my sleeping patterns are being made worse by a 7 year old. - not a 17month old!!!

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nocontactforevermore · 04/03/2014 09:01

That's the thing. I never get up! I don't know why she perseveres because I never fucking get up! Doesn't stop her trying though!

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