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To feel this way?

(15 Posts)
uptodate Mon 03-Mar-14 18:07:10

I have NC'd.

I am step mum to a teenager who lives with us FT, I love her and I do everything for her that I would do for my own DC. But, I don't love her quite as much as my own DC. I love both girls dearly.

I'm feeling so, so guilty about this. It's eating away at me, my SD is brilliant, she's a lovely girl and she means a lot to me. I fought for her and would do so again in a heartbeat.

Am I a complete mean bitch for not loving them the same amount?

AIBU to love my own DC more than my SD?

formerbabe Mon 03-Mar-14 18:09:57

YANBU...as long as she doesn't feel like she is treated differently.
From what age has she been in you life from?

YouTheCat Mon 03-Mar-14 18:11:39

The fact that it bothers you says it all.

I'm sure she feels just as loved.

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 03-Mar-14 18:11:55

I think that is fairly normal?

susiedaisy Mon 03-Mar-14 18:12:09

Yanbu

Only1scoop Mon 03-Mar-14 18:13:28

It's normal surely

Onesleeptillwembley Mon 03-Mar-14 18:17:37

Of course it's normal. Why would you love another child as much as your own?

spottysocksandshoes Mon 03-Mar-14 18:19:05

I can feel the love from your post. HTH smile

uptodate Mon 03-Mar-14 18:46:58

I've known her for about 5 years, but been in a mum role, about a 18 months. Definitely don't treat her any lesser.

thanks Feel a bit better about it now, thanks.

bebopanddoowop Mon 03-Mar-14 18:49:43

Please don't worry - it's bound to be a different kind of love. You clearly still do love and care for her so I'd say it sounds like you're doing great.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Mon 03-Mar-14 18:54:26

YANBU. Love isn't an exchange, or an equation, or a accounting. It's an ocean in which we swim.

Casmama Mon 03-Mar-14 19:00:29

Your love for your children is biological so in some ways if you love her anywhere near as much it is a compliment because you love her for who she is. (Don't mean to imply that you wouldn't love your children but it is more of a given)

myroomisatip Mon 03-Mar-14 19:01:53

Aww Disgrace what a lovely way to put it smile

OP I think the fact that you are worrying about this is very telling. I do not think it is reasonable to expect to feel the same about your DSD as you do your own DD, but you do obviously care about her, even love her, maybe just a bit differently.

I do not know of the circumstances surrounding your DSD and her relationship with her own mum. I am sure she loves you too, but maybe not as much as her mum?

The fact that you have a good relationship is amazing in itself.

MammaTJ Mon 03-Mar-14 19:02:01

As long as you love her enough to treat her as your own there is no problem.

formerbabe Mon 03-Mar-14 19:02:27

The fact that you were thinking about it shows what a good step mum you are.

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