I genuinely don't know what is the right thing to do here. This is the background. I have a male friend who I have known since I was a teenager; we were great drinking buddies and he was good to me when I had a hard time at university. We lost touch after that but ten years on, the power of facebook reintroduced us. we met up a couple of times and it was clear that he hadn't really matured much since university (still drinking like a teenager; relationships with much younger women; tonnes of debt).
A few months after getting back in touch, he did something incredibly stupid and ended up in jail. He knows that it was stupid and completely deserved the sentence he received. The sentence ended a relationship and lost him a lot of friends. I in no way excuse what he did but I did stay in touch while he was inside as I felt that this is what you do for friends. E-mails between us started to suggest that he felt increasingly hard done by and was coming to the conclusion that his situation was not entirely his fault (it really really was). I didn't moralise to him but I didn't engage with that sort of conversation.
He has now been released and is settling back into life on the outside. I have caught up with him a few times just via email and chat and, honestly, I just don't like him very much any more. He's needy (which I guess is entirely understandable), boring and in some ways becoming a little unpleasant. My DH can't stand him but understands that he is a long standing friend.
On the one hand, it sounds like a no-brainer, but he's bound to have been affected by prison isn't he? And if people don't give him a second chance, he's just going to do something else stupid isn't he?
I'm not his only friend but I'm getting the impression that I'm one of the few who is a reasonably mature, level-headed influence. I realise I'm not his mum but I do feel I owe him a bit for university.
Seriously, I have no idea. Should I gently disengage? Be honest and tell him he's becoming unpleasant? Be a good friend regardless? Other people have walked away which has clearly hurt him terribly.
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To dump a long standing friend?
13 replies
ChampagneTastes · 03/03/2014 17:13
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