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I abu and petty and having a sulk (gift related).

(27 Posts)
MandatoryMongoose Mon 03-Mar-14 13:57:23

I know I'm being a bit unreasonable and petty - maybe even a bit entitled? but I'm still having a bit of a sulk.

It's my 30th this week. Dh asked ages ago what I wanted and I told I'd like jewellery a ring or bracelet, something I'd be able to keep forever as a memory. For his 30th a few years back I bought him a posh watch and had it engraved, I saved up for it and he loves it and wears it every day.

Dh hasn't bought me anything yet, I know he's not bothered saving anything and normally cost of gifts wouldn't matter - something cheap but thoughtful is much better than expensive but impersonal.

However, DH has gone off on holiday today with his friends (he'll be back for my birthday). I'm at home with the children. It's a one off for Dh, not something he does regularly and I'm happy for him to go and have fun.

I'm sulking a bit though because between flights / hotels / spending money he'll have spent around £500 on himself this week and because of that will maybe be left with £50 for a birthday present.

So, how unreasonable am I being? I'm a bit hurt that he didn't think about saving and in an illogical way feel like he values himself 10* more than me. There's no scope in the foreseeable future for me to spend an equivalent amount on myself.

formerbabe Mon 03-Mar-14 13:59:52

At least wait to see what he's got you or what happens on the actual day before you have a strop!

Only1scoop Mon 03-Mar-14 14:02:01

Maybe he has sorted something and its a suprise?

Of course YABU - it's not your birthday yet and how do you know he hasn't got you this amazing present. And even if he hasn't.........well it's just so not worth having a paddy over.

kotinka Mon 03-Mar-14 14:03:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

popcornpaws Mon 03-Mar-14 14:03:20


Davsmum Mon 03-Mar-14 14:04:09

Sulking is a waste of time and very manipulative.

Just tell him how you feel - Actually you should have told him that before he went away!

NoMoreMarbles Mon 03-Mar-14 14:05:16

TBH i think YANBU at all!

My DH asked me what i would like for my 30th - i said a family break away/holiday so we could all enjoy some time together. He asked me about 6 months before andf spent ages making out as if there was a surprise on the cards and then he bought me a food mixer thing i had said was good in Curry's sale and said he couldnt find a decent holiday! he barely looked as our access to the internet is on my laptop and he rarely even picked it uphmm

i usually see birthdays as just another day but milestone birthdays are important IMO

Your DH may yet have bought you something nice so an update in a few weeks would be good smile

Crowler Mon 03-Mar-14 14:05:44

If you've established the practice of making a fuss over birthdays AND your birthday passes without a fuss, then YANBU.

Until then, YABU.

Longdistance Mon 03-Mar-14 14:06:22

Where has he gone to? Maybe diamonds and jewellery are cheaper there?

MandatoryMongoose Mon 03-Mar-14 14:09:13

I'm only sulking to myself, he's not even here! So not manipulative I promise.

I wouldn't dream of saying anything to him other than 'have a fantastic holiday' and will be genuinely grateful for any present.

If he has a surprise planned I would be beyond shocked - I suspect a straw donkey is more likely I shall call him George

Only1scoop Mon 03-Mar-14 14:10:08

If he doesn't get you a nice gift or plan anything yanbu at all

RiverTam Mon 03-Mar-14 14:13:57

unless you check his finances all the time, how on earth do you know if he's saved up? And what does it matter anyway - the right thing for £50 is better than the wrong thing for £500.

Strawberryteddybear Mon 03-Mar-14 14:17:45

YABU. You don't know what he has bought you yet? At least wait for that!

MandatoryMongoose Mon 03-Mar-14 14:25:07

I deal with our finances generally so I have a fair idea of how much money he has, I don't check up regularly.

As I said, the value of a gift doesn't normally matter to me and I'd much rather have something thoughtful than expensive.

It's the difference between his budget for things for him just because he wants them and his budget for things for me for my special (to me) birthday that makes me feel a bit put out.

Sparklymommy Mon 03-Mar-14 14:29:19

It is my 30th next week. I keep telling dh.

At Christmas he asked what I wanted (a new coat, and a decent purse). I got neither. Therefore my birthday list is the same. (Although I did add a crepe maker to it!). Nothing major.

He has made such a fuss about how greedy I am I actually don't want a birthday now sad

He bought me the crepe maker yesterday (with a "it's your birthday present" comment. He has gone halves with my mum on a coat (I know because I had to try it on. It cost £40). My mother just gave me her old purse so I said not to worry about a purse.

He says he has ordered me something else. I just feel like I'm not important. I know we have four children and they come first, but I just keep being told that I'm not getting much. It hurts.

tobiasfunke Mon 03-Mar-14 14:30:27

DH bought me a set of brakes for my bike (that I didn't use) for my 30th. I had dropped large hints about a weekend away. I was not impressed and we don't really make much of a fuss for birthdays.
See if your DH can top that for a shit 30th birthday present. DH made even less effort for my 40th. If he doesn't manage something better for my 50th he is well and truly dumped.

MandatoryMongoose Mon 03-Mar-14 14:48:04

Ah Sparkly I feel your pain, I spent 2 Christmases and Birthdays asking for a new coat, I got nothing, cutlery, nothing and a T-shirt 2 sizes too small before eventually getting a lovely coat this Christmas.

Sorry Tobias but that did make me smile - at least he was thinking about your safety with the new brakes?

PixelAteMyFace Mon 03-Mar-14 14:50:17

I got nothing for my 50th, not even a cake.

DH cooked steaks and opened a bottle of champagne we'd had in the cupboard for a couple of years, and that was it.
I kept expecting him to produce a gift of some kind, even if it was only a box of chocolates, but no, nothing at all. Zilch.

I was very hurt, as I had saved up for months to get him a special gift for his fiftieth, and have always made an effort for his birthdays.

To top it all, when I brought this up during an argument some months later, he said I was ungrateful because he'd cooked me a nice meal!

oldgrandmama Mon 03-Mar-14 14:51:49

A relative of mine got a plastic washing up set for an important birthday - bowl, brush, thing for holding cutlery while it drains, scourer shock

She said if it hadn't been for her religion frowning of divorce, she'd have left him!

Inglori0us Mon 03-Mar-14 14:52:37

YANBU if he's not bothered, but YAB a bit U as it's not happened yet.
It's the thought that counts apparently. Butv
I'm 36 on Saturday and I'm not expecting much. I have an Amazon wishlist of little things (nice bath stuff, DVDs, stuff I actually want) and it's all still on there. I shall probably get something I don't want and have no use for instead.

bellablot Mon 03-Mar-14 14:55:09

You should probably wait to see what he gets you on your actual birthday, try and be as jolly as you can until then.

If he has got you £50 fake diamanté ring from Argos after having spent £500 on a lads holiday then you are entitled to go apeshit, that would be bang out of order and I wouldn't leg it slip.

I got nothing from my DH for my 30th, however we don't buy each other anything for these occasions so I wasn't fussed.

Only1scoop Mon 03-Mar-14 14:55:20

My 40th last year I received a national trust membership and free gardening gloves hmm

Not very bling

He used to pick out the most amazing gifts and cards hmm

I hope he has a suprise for you....and not a quick bottle of perfume from Duty free!

Graciescotland Mon 03-Mar-14 14:55:57

Is it awful that I buy what I want for christmas/ birthdays and declare it from DH/ children. Am fussy/ like a bargain/ never get what I want otherwise.

I think you need to wait till post birthday to have a sulk and if all else fails buy yourself a milestone gift.

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat Mon 03-Mar-14 15:02:44

Those of you who expect things like coats, purses and jewellry as gifts, does the giver actually choose the item? Do you like it?

I don't see the point of most of the charade of gift giving between adults. If I want a coat or purse, I want to choose my own and I will just buy it when I want to buy it.

I don't want to choose something and then say to DP or whoever, 'buy me this for my birthday'. Don't you have your own money?

If your DP can afford a £500 holiday, surely you can afford £500 of jewellry etc, assuming you both get the same amount of 'fun' money. If you don't there are bigger issues in your relationship than present giving.

If people want to buy me presents, I would like fizzy wine, gin, posh chocs or meals out. i don't want clothing that might not fit, or I might not like it.

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