The bottom line is, he just doesn't seem to like her very much :(.
She's 11 and like most kids her age she can be a bit gobby and a bit lazy. She is getting quite into her appearance and spends more time than either of us would like on the PC/her phone. But generally she behaves well, works hard at school and is a good kid. I find her good company - DH just seems to find her an irritation.
He's not an openly affectionate person - well he is quite cuddly and touchy with me - but he never hugs her or shows her any genuine sign of affection. At night she just says 'see you in the morning' and if she's lucky he might give her a pat on the head . The other day her tooth was coming out and it was quite painful - I am a bit squeamish about teeth so asked him to help her out but he was so unsympathetic and did nothing to make her feel better.
He rarely praises her or shows interest in what she's doing and is often quite negative about her friends or interests. I can be a bit like this too but do my best to balance it with more positive stuff.
He is conscientious about things like driving her to classes or taking her to appointments and if I am away he looks after her well. But he doesn't do anything above what's necessary - I am the one who helps with homework, sorts out school stuff, reads to her, makes time to play with her and worries about her - we both have the same amount of free time but he cow;don't even find and download some antivirus software for her PC the other day, I had to do it. He would rarely think to suggest doing an activity with her but moans about what she does spend her time on.
He was a bit better when she was younger but now she's older they have very little in common and I know he feels a bit awkward around her as she's physically changing as well as not being very tolerant of her growing personality. TBH I feel as though he's jealous of her and how close we are. Our relationship (him and me) is a bit up and down and I'm sure he blames her for this in part - in turn I would feel a lot warmer to him if he was ever affectionate to our DD. She's our only child and in 10 years time will probably have left home. He doesn't seem to realise how precious this family time is - not in a sickly way, just that I feel we should make the most of it.
She and I are pretty close and I come from a close openly affectionate family so it's hard to be objective about this - maybe my way is over the top and DH is like most Dads? Maybe many Dads have a hard time finding common ground as their daughters grow up? But in my experience most Dads think the world of their daughters and would do anything for them. I'm not sure if DH does feel this but finds it hard to show - if I raise it he just says she's too cheeky, too lazy or whatever :(.
Really grateful for any advice or just to hear what sort of relationships other girls this age have with their Dads and whether I am expecting too much.
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AIBU?
About my DH's attitude and behaviour to our DD?
16 replies
MixedUpMuddledUp · 03/03/2014 13:15
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