Thanks for all your replies. Thought I would add a bit of background to my post and bear with please ...
my first husband, and the father of my DD and DS was an abusive person towards me and unfortunately he was strong enough (I had been the subject of his bullying for ten years by that time) and got joint custody and said he would have them for 5 days per week and that I could have them from Friday evening until Sunday evening each week and for half-terms and summer holidays. DD was 8 and DS and 2. I agreed to this as in my submissive state I had met a man at work and who I ran to after an affair when I honestly contemplated suicide. I was very frightened of him.
My new chap was very kind to me, although I am not sure he was in love with me, but felt responsible for taking advantage of my vulnerablility when going forward with the affair. I suppose I was looking for affection? I just didn't go home from work one evening and only had the clothes I stood up in - I just knew I couldn't go home that night from work as DD had phoned me and said he was looking forward to having a good talk with me that evening which I knew meant a battering. He had broken my arm and perforated my eardrum in the past. I moved into his flat with him.
I had my DD and DS every Friday to Saturday, Bank Holidays, half-terms and summer holidays until they were in their teens and never missed a "turn". I missed them dreadfully but I must say their father took care of them very well along with his new partner who loves them very very much. My DD hated my new DD from day one and made his life a misery always snarking at him which he just ignored and was always nice with her as he felt he was responsible for her aggressive moods. We took them out every Saturday and showered them with gifts (guilt) and my DD paid my daughter's university fees. We always had holidays abroad each year. I discussed with my daughter about having a baby with DD but she cried so much and said I would be with the baby all week and only her and DD every weekend that I felt she was right and decided not to go ahead with a child and DD was very disappointed.
My second husband having no family here and being offered a wonderful job in the Far East decided to leave. My DD and DS were 14 and 11 at the time and I could not contemplate leaving them although I loved DH very much.
DH had already told me that he loved me like a sister and we had not had sex for a year or so and encouraged me to find another life but if I didn't want to I could stay in the house and my DD could stay in the flat rent free and bills paid. I lived in the house and my DD lived in the flat.
It was in Cuba where I met my third husband (this does make me sound like Zza Zaa Gabor!) who was on holiday from Quebec. We hit it off immediately and kept in touch. My DD came to the UK in 2002 and we got married in 2003. My DH was fully aware of him being with me and continued to pay the mortgage when DH was there until the flat was sold. My second husband also gave me £120,000 to pay off the mortgage for the flat and let me keep the money when I sold it (£130,000).
My new DH and I bought a flat together and he resumed his teaching and taught in many rough schools which he had never been used to as he was a university teacher in Quebec. My DS was still living with his father.
I think my DD really resented my DH at the very start of our relationship. I asked her to swap the flat for the house (rent free) as I did not want to live with DH in the house where my second DH had grown up. DD said I was throwing her out but the house was very nicely decorated and carpeted and she was able to get a flatmate and charge her rent. My DD and her DH still live in the house and only pay a very nominal rate to my second DH who has said they can buy it for a discounted rate. You must remember she made my second DD's life a misery for many years. My second DD are still on very good terms and correspond by email from time to time - he has now married a Thai lady and they have two children and move between Taiwan and Hong Kog where they own properties and have an extremely good lifestyle and I am totally pleased for him. My DD has resented my DH from day one ... ringing us up at 1 in the morning saying I was just a cock lover (he is 14 years younger than me) - I was 45 when we met. My DH and I get on very well and love each other so much and it was always my DD that caused arguments between us because I had always let her boss me as I always felt so guilty that I wasn't with her 24/7. We always spoke on the phone every evening.
DD is rude to DH and always referred to him when we were talking as the Canadian cunt or some such. She would boss me in front of him and he just didn't like it and would eventually leave the room when she visited rather than cause a row although they did have one or two. My DH stayed here in the UK for 12 years but decided to go back to Quebec for good (we have a small house there) after I just couldn't make my mind up about going with him or staying for my kids (33 and 27 at the time he went).
DH was very good and we had my Mum living with us for four years after my brother died and her dementia became much worse. We never went out or had visitors in all that time. DH supported me financially while I cared for Mum 24/7.
As in my original post I have now decided to go be with DH in Quebec. I feel so guilty about going but really want a life with DH and be able to be as much as a Nan as possible. Its all so hard.
Many apologies for my novelle but sometimes when I read a thread I would really appreciate knowing the background of it.
So there it is - flippin' heck feel purged!