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to never want to invite more than 2 or 3 children for a birthday?

(34 Posts)
NoraRobertsismyguiltypleasure Sun 02-Mar-14 11:53:33

Having read numerous threads about parties for children I have decided to make it the law in my house that there is a maximum invite of 3 - my dd is 15 months, so not even an issue yet!
We will never go to a soft play, hire a hall or any sort of pay-for-each-child venture. Would that cut down on most of the issues?
Honestly, I'm scared about the whole etiquette once she goes to school.

Iddi9 Sun 02-Mar-14 12:00:28

Lots of parents do small parties even those who accept invites from those who do big parties. Not a problem each to their own and makes it easier sometimes as you don't have to worry about costs, replies,etc. of course your child may find it difficult to narrow down the ones to invite!

MrsDavidBowie Sun 02-Mar-14 12:11:52

Much nicer.
And cheaper.
And you invite who you actually know.

DarlingGrace Sun 02-Mar-14 12:14:11

I would never have a house party.

2 0r 3 for a birthday, indoors is just a 'play date' with cake, not a party.

You do a whole class thing until Y3 when there is a natural gender/friendship divide - then you do bowling parties or similar, max of 8, and anyone having a party post primary just needs their head examining.

Asheth Sun 02-Mar-14 12:24:32

Yanbu but your dd may have other ideas! I've never done whole class parties and don't know many people who do have them. 10 - 12 children at soft play, bowling etc. are fine and I've never had any problems.

Nanny0gg Sun 02-Mar-14 12:26:17

You do a whole class thing until Y3 when there is a natural gender/friendship divide - then you do bowling parties or similar, max of 8, and anyone having a party post primary just needs their head examining.

Is there a Law?

As far as I'm concerned you do what suits your family/your children/your finances/your interests.

In fact, you don't ever have to have any kind of gathering at all.

You most certainly don't do it in reciprocation. Your DCs get invited to a party. They go with a card and/or present. And that's it.

ThisSummerBetterBeDarnGood Sun 02-Mar-14 12:39:34

We have only had small parties, as could not afford larger ones, but I do feel a tiny bit guilty because when they are young its so lovely when your own dc gets invited to the larger parties, for the pre school - reception years it so great for them to have a whirl wind social life.

ThisSummerBetterBeDarnGood Sun 02-Mar-14 12:40:27

BTW even if you do large parties so many drop out,cant come or get back to you i struggle to see how siblings are an issue

Birdsgottafly Sun 02-Mar-14 12:42:36

I'm in Liverpool, I don't know anyone who did/does whole class parties.

OP, I did house parties combined with going the pictures/bowling sometimes. My DD's invited good friends only, we had no child relatives.

There were usually around 7-10 children, so three may be a little unrealistic, but go with what your child wants, not to attract friends for you, or to be popular, that never works anyway.

My youngest is 16, I'm glad in over all this.

crazykat Sun 02-Mar-14 12:59:06

My eldest two are the only ones old enough for parties and have a joint party as there's two weeks between their birthdays. They've had two parties and had 3-4 friends each which was more than enough. The parties one of my DCs have been invites to are similar to ours, we've not had any whole class party invites.

I have never and will never do full class parties. It's way over the top and no way would they be able to go to all the parties they'd be invited to is everyone in their class did them, it would be 30 parties per year for each of them - 90 parties in total!

I'd rather have a smaller party with their friends at soft play or similar (so I don't have to clean up) rather than how off and invite the whole class which would cost £200+ for each of them. IMO it ridiculous spending (for us) almost a weeks wage in a 4th/5th/6th birthday party.

lazyhound444 Sun 02-Mar-14 14:25:26

I never did a whole class party as both DCs had around 30 in their class and every time they attended a whole class party they both said they never enjoyed them. Most I ever had was around 15 for bowling. I have to say my own DCs parties always went well, we never had any issues but I used to stress disproportionately before them about who would turn up and crap like that. Looking back, none of it was worth worrying about but we all do it unfortunately! smile

derektheladyhamster Sun 02-Mar-14 14:28:03

I've only done small parties, apart from reception when we had about 15. Now ds2 is about to hit 11, we're doing 11 at the local lazer quest place - it costs a fortune to do larger parties [shock}

likeneverbefore Sun 02-Mar-14 14:30:49

I think that's fine as long as you have the brass neck to never reciprocate to most of the parties you go to, or you're happy to prevent her going at all.

Personally I'd rather have the pain of one party a year and let my DD enjoy going, and know that I was able to reciprocate.

Cringechilli Sun 02-Mar-14 14:34:03

Yanbu to want that but it may be harder than you think to put into practice!

BalloonSlayer Sun 02-Mar-14 14:41:17

Great idea until your DC gets invited to 12 parties in reception, then you are faced with your DC being the one who "didn't invite back people who had her to their party" if you only have a small party.

This makes people think your DD doesn't like their DC. And then your DD won't get invited to their party next year. And that's when she will really be starting to notice invitations being handed round and her not getting one.

Tis a minefield!

RiverTam Sun 02-Mar-14 14:46:01

can't bear big parties - the ones we've been to DD (4) doesn't seem to even know the child very well, and has struggled if none of 'her' friends are there. Birthday child hasn't interacted with DD at all. I wouldn't go at all only DD sees the invite and wants to go.

Small house parties have all been much better as then at least you know the birthday child has asked the children they really play with a lot!

DD will just be having small parties - maybe 5/6 children from her class, plus cousin and a couple of non-nursery friends. They are lovely (and affordable).

I think you might struggle to keep it as small as 2/3, but I don't buy into this 'having' to do a whole class party - says who?!

Aeroflotgirl Sun 02-Mar-14 14:53:20

Yanbu at all. DarlingG totally wrong. Not everyone can afford or likes whole class parties what a nightmare. Play date what tosh, tge best parties are at home. Cake, food a few games, that's a party IMHO. Just because you don't hire a flashy big venue, does nit make it any less. Same stuff happens but away from home.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 02-Mar-14 14:55:11

Balloon parents have to do the best they can and what tgey are able to do within their budget and room constraints.

thegreylady Sun 02-Mar-14 15:02:02

My dgs just had his 5th birthday party. He invited all 15 Reception dc plus some family and friends from out of school so 22 dc in all. It was in a village hall, they had a magician and a birthday tea. There was an outdoor playground and a treasure hunt. The whole thing lasted two and a half hours and was a great success. The magician made balloon animals so party bags were just bubbles, sweets and cake. My dd says never again...the other parents [all stayed] thought it was great. I hid in the kitchen with the jelly smile

Dancergirl Sun 02-Mar-14 15:07:20

balllonslayer no it's not! You're making too much of it. Who on earth would remember months later who was or wasn't invited to whose party??

Small parties are nice. People are under the illusion that people get upset if their dc aren't invited to ALL parties but in reality they're relieved at one less present to buy and one less day of ferrying around.

OneMoreThenNoMore Sun 02-Mar-14 15:17:15

My dd is almost 4 and for various reasons we've decided not to have a big party. She's been to several of her pre-school friends' parties; I don't feel guilty about not throwing a party "to reciprocate", as when she's invited to someone else's she always takes a card and a gift.

We'll hopefully be in a position to do a big soft-play party or similar next year, when she'll be in reception.

This year she'll be having grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins round for food and fun. She'll love it smile

Coveredinweetabix Sun 02-Mar-14 15:20:56

DD is 4 and had four friends to her last party. It was fab. We did it at home. She knew them all, played with them all, there was no wasted food and only four presents, all of which were suited to them as the guests were proper friends & therefore knew DD. In the sixth months since then, I've realised it's the norm at her pre-school to have whole class parties as she has been invited to 20 odd (including from children I've never heard of) and been to about 15. What dictates whether we go is whether we're free or not when we receive the invite. It did occur to me the other day that perhaps it's rude to accept these invites when we won't reciprocate (the children will all be at different schools next year) but we turn up with a nice - if ubiquitous present - and it is the parent's choice to invite the whole class. I find it interesting that, of the four who came to DD's party, only one of those has had a whole class party. The others have, to an extent, taken my lead with two inviting 12 or so of which only 6 were from nursery and one inviting 8.
As DD's birthday is quite early in the school year, I think next year we will have a whole class party as it will be too early in the year for her to know who her friends are going to be.

Supercosy Sun 02-Mar-14 15:26:08

Ummmmm...you do what you like and what suits you and your child. I totally understand. We've done one massive party with a friend and Dd hated it and so did we. We felt pressurised to do it because we had teamed up but Dd was very shy at the time and it was horrible.

Other than that we've had a few with about 5 or 6 children and the rest of the time we've just had 2 or 3 and taken them out for a treat. Some of Dd's friends have never had a party, either because they don't want one or due to the expense. I don't think it's necessary to have massive parties all the time I really don't. Some kids don't enjoy that anyway and it is a HUGE expense.

Supercosy Sun 02-Mar-14 15:29:44

I don't agree with that at all likeneverbefore. Both of DD's best friends have never had a party. Both are from families who are pretty hard up. It doesn't make any difference to how I feel about them, they do lots of lovely things together throughout the year and come over to play. On their birthdays they do something nice with their family, they accept that and I don't think any of the other parents would even consider never inviting them because they don't have a party themselves.

RiverTam Sun 02-Mar-14 15:31:07

I worry that it's rude, too, but DD knows an invitation when she sees one and she'd be disappointed not to go - and also, it's really not my concern that some parents are happy to spend £££ on a 4-year-old's party (many pretty, or relatively, affluent families at DD's nursery). It's hard buying a present for a child you, and your DC, don't seem to know:

Me: I'm going to get X their present today, what do they like?
DD: I don't know.
Me: do you play with X at all?
DD: no

hmm

(though apparently this child specifically asked for DD to come, so I guess they must play together more than DD realises!)

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