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My partner told friends that she has had 110 partners last night

(527 Posts)
Plutorover Sun 02-Mar-14 09:47:56

My partner of 7 years who is 40 told some friends that she had slept with approximately 110 men in the past. I did know this, but feel angry that she decided to tell others. It was at a school reunion do that I was not at. The question was specifically asked in a finding out game. I don't understand why she didn't tell them to mind their own business or lie.

She has hinted at it before to my brother too. May have actually told him but I'm unsure.

Why would she do this? Am I wrong to feel aggrieved about this?
Confused and angry bloke

LadyStark Sun 02-Mar-14 09:49:32

Why should she lie to her friends?

She's not don't anything wrong or to be ashamed of.

Wuxiapian Sun 02-Mar-14 09:49:52

She's an attention-seeker with low self-esteem, is my guess.

ikeaismylocal Sun 02-Mar-14 09:50:25

Yabu it is her history and she can tell whoever she likes!

It doesn't change her as a person, if you are embarrassed or ashamed that is your issue not hers.

BlackDaisies Sun 02-Mar-14 09:50:47

If you want her to lie about the person she is/ her past, then it sounds like she is not the person for you. How do YOU feel about her past - that's more important than anyone else's opinion anyway. Why are you worried about other people knowing - surely their opinion doesn't really matter?

SanityClause Sun 02-Mar-14 09:52:56

Why should she be ashamed?

More to the point, why should you?

What if a man had said the same thing? How would you think about that?

Your underlying prejudices are a bit ugly, frankly.

HellomynameisIcklePickle Sun 02-Mar-14 09:53:04


Hassled Sun 02-Mar-14 09:53:20

Which bit are you aggrieved about - the fact the number is high, or the fact she's happy enough to tell people, or the fact that your number is presumably lower than hers?

You're assuming that people will hear that 110 number and judge her (or judge you for being with her?) but the reality is most people will think "so what?". I certainly would.

Or is your problem that she feels the need to tell people - that it's a sort of boasting? What's her self-esteem like generally?

Nancy66 Sun 02-Mar-14 09:54:01

Her eagerness to tell people makes me think she probably does have self esteem issues. And like Wuxiapian says is an attention seeker.

1) she's probably lying
2) it's her past and you knew about it so does it really matter?

WitchOfEndor Sun 02-Mar-14 09:55:02

If you already knew how many people she had slept with, and you were ok with it (which the length of your relationship suggests) then what does it matter what anyone else thinks? Do you feel that it reflects badly on you?

Only1scoop Sun 02-Mar-14 09:56:09

Ah bless her she's obviously quite proud of the fact blush

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Sun 02-Mar-14 09:56:31

why should she lie?
Do you feel it is shameful that she has had an active and varied sex life?

what is it anyway? about 17 years potentially? (assuming from 16, and minus the 7 years you have been together)

so that's about 6 men a year.

Or maybe a few years of lots of short flings, as many people do.

It's not really a big deal.

The number of partners, I mean.

The telling people about it is a bit childish. Not because it's shameful but because at 40 it's rather tragic to be playing truth or dare type games.

shakinstevenslovechild Sun 02-Mar-14 09:57:46

It is possible that she has self esteem issues I suppose, however I think it's more likely that the op has self esteem issues because he thinks his partner should lie about something she is perfectly happy to share to protect his ego.

KeinBock Sun 02-Mar-14 09:58:18

Does it bother you because you think the high number suggests she isn't especially discriminating, making you less "special"? Or because you think less of people who sleep around & are ashamed of her?

Whatever the reason, YABU & rather odd. I would go so far as to suggest this is absolutely none of your business, anyway.

WeAreDetective Sun 02-Mar-14 10:00:41

If you weren't there, how did you find out she told them?

LadyStark Sun 02-Mar-14 10:00:51

The OP said that she was asked the question and answered it, think it's a little unfair to cast her as attention seeking, low self-esteem, lying etc.

She's not printed it on a t-shirt.

littlemrssleepy Sun 02-Mar-14 10:01:59

Presuming you are the only one in the last 7 years I'd take it as a compliment. 109 others weren't good enough for her!

KatieScarlett2833 Sun 02-Mar-14 10:02:34

So what?

meditrina Sun 02-Mar-14 10:02:59

"I don't understand why she didn't tell them to mind their own business or lie."

How do you know she didn't lie?

BillyBanter Sun 02-Mar-14 10:03:12

Why would/should she lie?

WelshMaenad Sun 02-Mar-14 10:03:32

She was asked the question, she didn't use it as part of her getting to know you chat. Why is it a problem for you that people know? What do YOU feel this says about her to others? And why do you care?

WilsonFrickett Sun 02-Mar-14 10:04:26

My total would probably be around that. And so what if it is? I am a faithful and loving partner and have been completey monogamous since I met DH. It means nothing, it's about as important as the number of times I've been to London or worn opaque tights - one of a set of random and meaningless numbers that make up my history.

That said, I don't share the number because I know people will judge. Just like you. And DH doesn't know - he asked once right at the beginning and I told him it was none of his business so it never came up again (although I was happy to discuss the steps I'd taken to protect my sexual health, which were significantly more stringent than him, even though he'd had far fewer partners).

The only thing I think you are not bring U about is who she told where - I suspect it was showing off and that is a pain. She may also be exaggerating for effect....

Feminine Sun 02-Mar-14 10:04:50

It is worrying that she has kept tabs.

Sparklyboots Sun 02-Mar-14 10:07:19

What am I missing? Please explain why you have an issue with this OP?

LadyBeagleEyes Sun 02-Mar-14 10:07:43

Does she keep notches on the bedposts? I've slept with a lot of men during my long life, but I've never kept count. 110 is such a random figure.
However I agree with the others, why does it bother you? You knew alerady, what she did before you got together is in the past, assuming none of the 110 encroached into your relationship.

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