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to ask how you'd deal with my dd being so awkward and argumentative?

(16 Posts)
terrificallytremendous Sun 02-Mar-14 08:41:39

Dd is 6 and I know this is probably typical age related behaviour and just a phase but it's so infuriating.

She goes through phases of a few hours where she disagrees with everything. For example:

Me: its a nice sunny day today isn't it dd?
Dd: no it isn't
(while shielding her eyes from the bloody sun!)

Me: your dinner is on the table dd
Dd: no it isn't
(while looking at it)

Usually I just stop the conversation rather than argue back or say 'let me know when you'd like to talk without argui'arguing' but it means every conversation is cut short.

She has always been quite headstrong and awkward but increasingly is just ignoring things to do things her own way. For example, last night she was sitting in the hallway with her legs outstretched. Toddler dd2 asked to get past and was ignored. Dd2 tried to climb over her legs and dd1 raised her knees so she couldn't. Dd2 tried to go under her legs and she put them back down. I asked her to please let her past but she continued being awkward until dd2 cried. When I said her behaviour was unkind she said she was just 'doing stretches' hmm

There are many instances like this per day and I tend to tell her why her behaviour is unfair then walk away so she isn't getting more attention but still it continues so aibu in what I'm doing and what would you do?

Mumof3xx Sun 02-Mar-14 08:44:34

I would ignore the silly comments

If she is being repeatedly unkind to her sister then remove privileges or time out

CSIJanner Sun 02-Mar-14 08:46:04

Am watching this thread with interest!

flowers OP - it gets quite draining.

DarlingGrace Sun 02-Mar-14 08:46:48

It's attention seeking. Any attention is good attention, even negative. Does she feel pushed out by the toddler?

softlysoftly Sun 02-Mar-14 08:46:55

Ignore silliness but you need to stop it if it affects others send her out of the way or 1 warning then she loses something.

When she is in a good mood could you have a cuddle and ask her why she does it?

nennypops Sun 02-Mar-14 09:21:34

I'd say you ignore the arguing, but don't ignore the deliberate obstruction of her sister. She needs to know that it's unacceptable to be deliberately mean, unacceptable to disobey you when you ask her to stop, and unacceptable to lie afterwards about what she was doing, and that you take all of that seriously, otherwise she's going to think she can get away with bullying.

Shockers Sun 02-Mar-14 09:35:06

DD is 15, but functions at the level of a 6-7 yr old. She does this sort of thing a lot! I tend to tell her to go to her room, listen to some music, read a book, but don't come back down until you're prepared to behave reasonably. She will take 2 minutes to an hour to decide, depending on how unreasonable she's feeling that day ( or how much she feels like dancing to 1D in her room grin). She always apologises afterwards though.

DD might be a slightly different case though, because of her learning difficulties/hormones!

Good luck.

FunkyBoldRibena Sun 02-Mar-14 10:39:26

'If it's not the sun why are you shielding your eyes then?
'If this isn't your dinner then who does it belong to? I will have to put it in the fridge/oven until they are ready for it won't I?
'Let your sister through, stop being mean'. 'If you want to do stretches wait until your sister is not trying to get past you, you wouldn't like it if I wouldn't let you get past because I was doing stretches would you?'

RandomMess Sun 02-Mar-14 10:42:52

My dds are sent away until they can be reasonable. "You must be tired to have such a poor attitude, early night tonight" - that often works well!

The not letting sister past I would have intervened sooner quite probably with a time out. I don't tolerate unkindness like that especially with such a large age gap.

Charly3 Sun 02-Mar-14 10:49:25

Sounds quite familiar. I use time out and [confiscating] favourite toys but my 7 year old daughter responds much better to a Reward chart. I use the one from Phoenix cards (product RBS45) because it has lines on which you write in as to what the behaviour is you are expecting. For example, her latest one has 'tidy pyjamas away in morning' on one line and 'be kind and polite to my family' on the next (obviously I am more concerned about that!!). I use one for a couple of weeks, then I find her behaviour is great for a few weeks, over time it then gradually deteriorates, e.g. towards the end of a school term when she gets tired, so we have another chart. The easy-going 4 year old also has a Reward sheet so that it looks 'fair' but they can be rewards for different things. They can slip up a few times in the week and still get their second choice reward. My rewards are things like a Mars Bar (for the second choice), maybe a cake mix for the full complement of ticks/stickers during a week i.e. treats and not too expensive. They negotiate with me about what the rewards will be, therefore they are things they REALLY want and otherwise won't get.

TheVictorian Sun 02-Mar-14 10:58:07

In terms of the points about her arguing: The sun might be shining but its in her eyes hence that could be why she says its not nice and your dinners on the table could be that shes being literal in the sense that its not on the table, her dinner is on a plate on the table.

StarGazeyPond Sun 02-Mar-14 11:45:34

Me: your dinner is on the table dd
Dd: no it isn't
(while looking at it)

Well, I'd have taken it away there and then!

chocolatemademefat Sun 02-Mar-14 12:37:01

Ignore ignore ignore! Choose your battles - ones you know you can win! And give her a taste of her own medicine - when she wants something ignore her and walk away. Karma!

ivanapoo Sun 02-Mar-14 13:13:58

I think I'd probably laugh & ignore at the disagreement and then after DD1 started being obstructive "reward" DD2 by picking her up over DD1's legs yourself.

Sounds like attention seeking - do you get to spend much 1 on 1 time with her?

terrificallytremendous Sun 02-Mar-14 22:15:32

Yes we get one on one time and she's better then. Generally she's brilliant with her sister, the awkwardness tends to be more with me. I think she's just testing her boundaries and is weirdly comforted that mine are consistent. Sometimes if she's being awkward with dd2 - I.e. Tonight dd2 wanted to look at her favourite small toy - she works it out better if left alone. So tonight she hid it up her sleeve briefly, dd protested but then moved away then dd1 took it out to show her. If I'd intervened after she first hid it she'd have got ten times more awkward: 'i didn't hide it, it slipped up my sleeve', 'its trapped, I can't get it out to show her' etc etc. It is very tiring but ignoring does seem to work most of the time

steppemum Sun 02-Mar-14 22:24:55

When mine were little I remember asking a more experienced parent about something and she said:

They go through cycles, every 6-12 months we go through a patch were they test all the boundaries to check they are still there. Things that they have known and been sorted for ages will suddenly become an issue again. I just put the boundary in, as I always do, and it soon dies down.

I have often remembered that and think it is very true.
I do think though that at times the attention seeking bad behaviour, reminds us that they need attention. Putting aside good one on one time can make the bad stuff lessen.

It is bloody hard work though isn't it?

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