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to think reporting the mother of your child for benefit fraud makes you a dick?

(68 Posts)
terrificallytremendous Sat 01-Mar-14 21:42:36

My best friend called in tears tonight. She has to go for an interview at the job centre next week because 'there may be a change in her circumstances they haven't been informed of' aka someone has reported her. Her ex, with whom she has a 7 year old ds has made it blatantly clear it was him.

His reason for reporting is that he apparently believes she's committing fraud because she has an 18 month dd with her ex, they split 6 months ago. Her ex lives and works close to her and is on call after work so he visits their dd two or three nights per week for an hour at her home while she spends time with her ds. On his days off he takes their dd out for an afternoon one day then stays to do bath and bed and then on the second day has her for the afternoon and overnight. They're trying to work at their dds pace regarding contact and it seems to be working well. Her ex has a car he doesn't need for work but does need at weekends to see his other children so she uses his car while he works, paying for her own petrol.

Aibu to think this is not benefit fraud, and that even if she were committing it, reporting the mother of your child makes you a dick as the only impact on your child will be negative?

usualsuspect33 Sat 01-Mar-14 21:44:21

Yes it makes him a dick.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Sat 01-Mar-14 21:46:14

well he sounds spitefull but if he genuinely believed it was fraud then i have seen many women on MN being encouraged to report their exes and fathers of their children for benefit fraud. is EX1 paying child support?

SarahAndFuck Sat 01-Mar-14 21:46:35

Are there two ex-partners?

One the father of the DS and the other the father of the DD?

BusinessUnusual Sat 01-Mar-14 21:47:57

What is the fraud supposed to be?

WorraLiberty Sat 01-Mar-14 21:49:15

I can't see how she's committed fraud from what you've said?

Or why she's in tears about it?

songlark Sat 01-Mar-14 21:49:19

What an idiot, does he not realise the massive hardship he's going to cause to his daughter. The trouble is they often just stop the money just off a phone all. Life's bloody well hard enough but to do this on the mother of your child is unbelievable. What a total utter prick.

terrificallytremendous Sat 01-Mar-14 21:49:54

Yes two exes. He believes she's still with the ex, I think. Reporting the parent they live with is different though I think, silly billy.

terrificallytremendous Sat 01-Mar-14 21:52:03

She's worried they could've built a case up because the car is often there because they share it, whether if she admits they share it that counts as a sign of a relationship, because he's in and out of her house often etc.

donnie Sat 01-Mar-14 21:54:06

Yes he is a spiteful vindictive fuckwit

BusinessUnusual Sat 01-Mar-14 21:54:56

It seems clear they are not a couple and hopefully the interview will conclude that quickly.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Sat 01-Mar-14 21:57:35

"Reporting the parent they live with is different though I think, silly billy."

not if there is actually fraud occuring because if she was (i know she isn't) living with DD's dad then there is his income coming in as well as her benefits so there wouldn't be hardship in the event of benefits being stopped. i dont agree with one rule for some and a different one for others when it comes to benefit fraud. if she had DC's living with her and committed benefit fraud then she would have created the situation.

Lweji Sat 01-Mar-14 21:57:55

If he has a proper registered address, full of his stuff, pays his bills and nothing in her house, and she pays all the bills, I don't think she'll be in trouble.
Even if they were now again in a relationship, just as long as they were not living together it should be fine.

midnightagents Sat 01-Mar-14 21:58:03

Yanbu. Total dick.

VodkaRevelation Sat 01-Mar-14 22:00:36

I think if he truly believed she was committing fraud then reporting was the right thing to do and as she isn't (from what you've said) she doesn't have anything to worry about; thus he is being a dick!

Worra- can you really not see why she would be in tears. People react to situations in different ways. She has been reported for fraud which will be a stressful experience. It might not be something you would get upset by but not everyone will deal with things in the same way you would.

Sirzy Sat 01-Mar-14 22:03:46

If he believed she was committing benefit fraud what should he have done then? Sit back and ignore it?

If she is doing nothing wrong then there shouldn't be an issue as long as she is honest

terrificallytremendous Sat 01-Mar-14 22:10:37

He knows her ex has his own address and interrogates his ds about everything so knows ex doesn't have meals/do washing/buy shopping/stay over. He is doing it to cause my friend stress and hassle.

WorraLiberty Sat 01-Mar-14 22:11:57

She's worried they could've built a case up because the car is often there because they share it, whether if she admits they share it that counts as a sign of a relationship, because he's in and out of her house often etc.

She's allowed to have a relationship with anyone she pleases and to drive their car.

She's just not allowed to live with him without declaring it.

If he's not living there or getting bank statements/bills etc sent there, then there's nothing to prove.

bochead Sat 01-Mar-14 22:12:24

Spiteful man. Her money is likely to be cut off while they investigate - she should ask the ex to feed his child while they do so as my gut is telling me he doesn't pay maintenance.

She should go into the interview room and tell the truth. She is using the car so she can get do the shopping, look for work etc is probably something they will not object to. If she keeps a contact diary for a week or two before the interview it will help make her point as ex number one has no legal reason to be involved in the contact arrangements for the 18 month old.

If using the car is against the law they can tell her so in the interview and she can agree to be housebound so she doesn't break the law, likewise if the contact agreement breaks any benefits rules she can ask how to organise them so that they don't iyswim.

It might be helpful if she takes along copies of the utility bills in her sole name and any documents from the father of the 18 month old that show he's not living with her - eg his utilities, tenancy agreement, letter from his Mum if that's where he is staying etc.

Any documentary evidence that ex no 1 is a prick might help too eg if he doesn't pay maintenance get a letter from the CSA to reflect that, any court orders, past police reports etc too. This will help flag up the call as spiteful and unfounded when he does it again in a few months time.

MrsDeVere Sat 01-Mar-14 22:13:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bochead Sat 01-Mar-14 22:21:59

Not suprised she's stressed either - any normal person of a non-criminal bent would be upset at the thought of a formal interview under caution for a criminal offence ffs! Face it, ordinary Mums don't expect to experience that, and she's still at the tender stage after becoming a single parent for the second time.

The only type of person who wouldn't be upset at all that I can think of is either a sociopath, or the sort of scumbag that earns their real money not through benefits but through drug sales etc.

It's also not nice to think that someone you once created a child with would be happy to see that child in care and yourself behind bars. I agree with MrsDeVere, he didn't do it out of lurve and concern, just couldn't resist an opportunity to kick her when she's down.

Some posters here have a total empathy deficit.

terrificallytremendous Sat 01-Mar-14 22:27:05

She was on benefits briefly after they initially split and he reported her then too which she hopes the interviewer will have a record of. Ex2 pays CSA but nothing else and has no belongings or bills registered at hers but they have been on a recent day out together which again makes her worry it's a sign of family life

WorraLiberty Sat 01-Mar-14 22:28:50

<< Bangs head >>

Please tell her to stop worrying OP

She's allowed a family life!

They're just not allowed to live together without declaring it

They're not living together so she has nothing to worry about.

beautyfades Sat 01-Mar-14 22:30:53


hashtagwhatever Sat 01-Mar-14 22:31:17

If her ex is paying rent/utility's elsewhere that there is a proof he is elsewhere.

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