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to not give a birthday present?

(96 Posts)
Miren Sat 01-Mar-14 14:19:52

If my DC have been unable to attend the party?

A few weeks ago DS2 missed a party due to illness. I let the Mum know on the morning that DS was unable to make it.

After overhearing a conversation it seems there was an expectation that I would bring a present into school for the Birthday child. I haven't, and I never do.

AIBU?

DarlingGrace Sat 01-Mar-14 14:21:57

Well, I would have given a present. It's a bit mean to accept, decline at the last moment then keep the present you presumably bought.

momb Sat 01-Mar-14 14:23:02

If I'd declined the invitation then I wouldn't give a gift, but if we'd accepted and then my child couldn't make it at the last minute, I'd still give the present we'd bought.

Bowlersarm Sat 01-Mar-14 14:24:27

I'd still give the present if it was our fault our child didn't go through illness or whatever.

nkf Sat 01-Mar-14 14:24:30

What Momb says. I'd do that too.

Only1scoop Sat 01-Mar-14 14:25:54

If you had accepted....I think you should give the gift....

Cleartheclutter Sat 01-Mar-14 14:26:22

I would give the gift

Only1scoop Sat 01-Mar-14 14:26:40

What conversation did you overhear re 'expectation' because that sounds a bit off regardless

Miren Sat 01-Mar-14 14:26:44

I'd not bought a present - I've a cupboard full with unisex cards and wrap. I'd not wrapped one or written a card though as I always leave everything to the last minute!

Miren Sat 01-Mar-14 14:27:42

It was a whole class party, if that makes a difference? 30 kids at least.

Floggingmolly Sat 01-Mar-14 14:37:22

He was ill on the morning of the party and you hadn't yet bought the present?? Or you knew for a while he was ill but only informed the party mum on the day of the party? The second scenario is seriously bad form.
Yes, you should have handed over a present regardless; it's what most people would do.
I generally even buy a (smaller than usual) present for parties we know from the off we won't be around for, as a sort of thanks for the thought, but I realise that's probably a little more extreme.

Miren Sat 01-Mar-14 14:38:10

Only1 - I don't want to be too specific as it might out me. It was a conversation between Mum of birthday child and another Mum. They didn't know I was there.

Floggingmolly Sat 01-Mar-14 14:39:21

A whole class party makes no difference at all; you'd be whining loudly enough if your child had been the only one not invited to a whole class party, wouldn't you?

Miren Sat 01-Mar-14 14:39:23

Flogging - two posts up hmm

hippo123 Sat 01-Mar-14 14:39:57

I would have given the present, she may of lost money by you not being able to go at the last minute.

nennypops Sat 01-Mar-14 14:40:44

I must say, it's never occurred to me that children who haven't been able to come to my kids' parties - even if they originally accepted - should still give them presents. They haven't had any hospitality from us, and it really makes no difference to my child to get, say, 19 presents instead of 20.

Fluffalump Sat 01-Mar-14 14:42:21

I think either is fine, it's nice if you give the gift but I wouldn't think bad of you if you didnt.

Miren Sat 01-Mar-14 14:42:31

What the actual fuck flogging?!

Nenny - that was my 'justification'.

Miren Sat 01-Mar-14 14:44:18

Hippo - it was a village hall type affair. Whenever I've held one I always bank on a few no shows. Plus - the (not invited) siblings usually even the numbers out!

manicinsomniac Sat 01-Mar-14 14:45:16

wouldn't occur to me to get a present from children who hadn't been to my child's party or to give a present to a party my child hadn't attended.

If I had already wrapped a present and written a card I might give it (not sure, never actually happened to me) but, in your situation with the cupboard (nice idea btw!), no I probably wouldn't think of it.

How long ago was it? I might be embarrassed enough now, having heard the conversation, to produce a present! Unless party was over a week ago then it's too obvious.

Bowlersarm Sat 01-Mar-14 14:45:29

I suppose most people (well definitely me) would have bought a present, wrapped it, and stuck a written card addressed to the birthday child to the present, by the morning of the party. If cancelling on the morning, it's just as easy to give it to the birthday child the next school day as to throw the card away and regift the present.

Especially if some expense had gone towards the child's place at the party that was now wasted.

Miren Sat 01-Mar-14 14:48:43

Twas a few weeks manic smile. I have three sociable DC's and a memory like a sieve so I always stock up in the sales so I don't get caught short.

It's never occurred to me before to produce a gift if we haven't attended the party for whatever reason.

Aeroflotgirl Sat 01-Mar-14 14:49:23

Yabvvu did you not buy a birthday present for the child! You cancelled that morning, not a couple of weeks before. Don't be mean get the child a present and give it to them at school.

rookiemater Sat 01-Mar-14 14:51:18

Gosh, I wouldn't mind at all if someone didn't come to the party due to sickness and didn't give DS a present, I don't think it would even register on my consciousness.

Miren Sat 01-Mar-14 14:51:28

Oh ffs, this is going to happen a lot, isn't it?

A RTFT to you, Aero, and to anyone else that is going to say the same thing!

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