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AIBU to be annoyed at friend?

(10 Posts)
internetismadeofcats Sat 01-Mar-14 11:31:38

I have been friends with someone for years and she recently spoke to my ex when she went to retrieve a DVD for me. While she was there, he told her something that she then passed onto me and when I mentioned asking him some questions about the thing she told me, she practically begged me not to mention anything to him about what she had told me because he would know that I found out from her.

Her and my ex were never friends, and only knew each other through me. When I was still with him and our relationship was going downhill, she was constantly telling me I should leave him and that he's horrible. Don't want to go into detail but things became unbearable between us.

So AIBU to think that she really shouldn't care that he knows she's being a loyal friend? And that she should either be loyal to me and not care that he knows or decide her loyalty lies with him and not tell me anything he says?

My ex honestly would probably expect that she would tell me that stuff anyway and he wouldn't care either. He definitely wouldn't confront her about it so there would be no consequences for her if he found out she told me something.

This friend is never the kind of person to stick up for me in front of anyone. If I am at odds with someone and she is there, she would just stand there and not say anything rather than give someone a reason to like her less. It just annoys me that she says all this horrible stuff to me about him and acts as if he's the worst person and yet still seems to want him to like her even though they are not friends and don't ever speak to each other.

WorraLiberty Sat 01-Mar-14 11:36:32

She sounds like she just doesn't want to get involved and I don't blame her.

She got your DVD for you as a favour, he said something to her that she felt uncomfortable about keeping to herself.

So she told you what was said and now, probably just wants to be kept out of it so YABU.

YouStayClassySanDiego Sat 01-Mar-14 11:40:37

He's your ex!

Whatever you want to know, leave it in the past. Asking your mate to grill him for information isn't on.

If you don't feel supported by her rethink the friendship.

KurriKurri Sat 01-Mar-14 12:31:46

She passed onthe info because she was uncomfortable keeping something from you that he had said. he shouldn't have said it, but he did. She did you a favour by telling you.

Now you want her to act as go-between - that's a job no-one wants frankly, and I think she is absolutely right to refuse to be played by the pair of you.

If you want to find out something from your ex, you ask him. If you don't want contact with him then let it lie - it doesn't matter what he thinks any more, he's an Ex.

Pumpkinpositive Sat 01-Mar-14 12:35:11

Why do you give a rats arse what your ex says/thinks about you? Presumably he's your ex for a reason?

Your friend did you a favour by going to collect the DVD for you.

Are you regularly "at odds" with people, OP?

Bogeyface Sat 01-Mar-14 12:43:38

Blimey, you sound like a PITA!

You expect her to stand up for you when you fall out with someone (and that has clearly happened often enough for it to be an issue), expect her to run around picking your stuff up and then get the snot on with her because she doesnt want you to mention something he said to you?

It sounds very playground tbh "If you are my friend then you cant be HIS friend!" You bang on about loyalty to you but you dont sound very loyal to her.

Andanotherthing123 Sat 01-Mar-14 12:47:31

I don't see why your friend should be expected to wade in when you are at odds with someone? They are your battles/opinions not hers. You sound a bit like you want her to demonstrate loyalty regardless of what she thinks. She's been a good friend to you as demonstrated by her retrieving the DVD and passing on a message from your ex. If that's not enough I'd suggest you leave her to find a friend who does appreciate her.

Oldraver Sat 01-Mar-14 14:49:47

People who tell tales also go down the line of "oh please please dont say it was me that told you" because they dont want to be seen telling tales. This sounds like what your friend has done rather than any genuine concern for you when your EX called you

Innogen Sat 01-Mar-14 14:51:24

Worra is spot on.

Leave your friend out of this.

Bumblebee333 Sat 01-Mar-14 15:41:03

Maybe she doesn't want you to find out what she has been saying about you from him?

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