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To think that some people are extremely self absorbed?

(53 Posts)
baconfrazzles Sat 01-Mar-14 09:57:10

I call it the 'bubble of self' when people are like this, and it really irritates me.

I have a friend who is extremely self absorbed; she literally talks about herself and her problems constantly and never listens to a word anyone else says. I know she never listens as sometimes I'll tell her something, and she'll barely acknowledge it then she'll be surprised a few weeks later when I say I've done X or Y even though I have already told her. On the rare occasion that I have a problem she barely listens and never offers any advice and just says that I'm lucky I haven't got things as bad as she's got it. I've always been there for her and have been happy to listen, but in all honesty a lot of her problems are things she's taken out of proportion. She makes mountains out of molehills and turns them into huge issues.

I have a few other acquaintances that are like it; they just babble on constantly about themselves, and never ask anyone any questions or listen to anyone else's. Their facebook is all 'me me me', and they are the same in person. I actually had the misfortune of going on a night out a few months ago with about 5 people who were like this and who talked over each other all night about themselves. I ended up having a proper conversation where both parties talk and listen with just one other woman who was there, who felt the same way that I did.

Is it just the way of the world now that people are generally self absorbed? How on earth do people like that manage to keep hold of friends and partners?

bishbashboosh Sat 01-Mar-14 10:00:00

I can't stand this either and I have a friend who is extreme in turning it back on herself, when I accept she's like this it makes it easier

I hate it when people put pics of themself posing on FB it Instagram it shouts me me me me me!!!! Me me meeee me me.

It is getting more like that due to the nature of society now but I promise not everyone is like that

eeetheygrowupsofast Sat 01-Mar-14 10:00:14

I find a majority of people are like this to be honest!

My dh and I always joke about this after a social event like a wedding or dinner party. Whoever we've both been sat next to has rarely asked us a thing and we know their life stories! Maybe we are just amazing listeners wink.

I don't mind at social events as above but with people I see regularly I either interrupt them, walk off, put up with it because they are entertaining and fun, avoid them. Depending on who they are.

DescribeTheRuckus Sat 01-Mar-14 10:01:21

I've been struggling with this myself lately, OP, so I can empathise. Have a friend who is all about her...she's one of those competitive busy types...lists all the things she has to do, etc. Never asks about anyone else. I've managed to phase her out to a degree; her DH and mine are friends, and our DSs are also friends, so it's hard because we do spend time with her socially, but I just kind of smile and nod when we're together, and rely on the friends that DO actually have back and forth conversation.

To be fair, she doesn't have loads of close friends...she keeps herself to herself and spends most of her time with her DH and her parents.

eeetheygrowupsofast Sat 01-Mar-14 10:01:35

I deleted my Facebook account three years ago and have been in blissful ignorance of everybody's movements and thoughts ever since, bishbashboosh. Try it!

mrsjay Sat 01-Mar-14 10:02:17

Bubble of self is an amazing phrase grin

yes i know a woman like this she isn't selfish or nasty or anything she just doesn't realise there is any life outside her bubble although her self awareness is shockingly bad

baconfrazzles Sat 01-Mar-14 10:05:47

Sometimes I try to interrupt self absorbed people. I tried it several times on the night out. And it is something that is virtually impossible. They just talk louder and louder.

I think self absorbed people must have been totally spoilt as kids and given constant attention, and were probably never told to shut up when they'd been going on and on for ages grin

bishbashboosh Sat 01-Mar-14 14:00:09

It's so bizarre . These people probably don't even realise they're doing it, they can't.

I came off Facebook a year ago as it bothered me so much and I realised I was starting to come across as one of these people, ugh

Still on instGram as I genuinely believed it wasn't for pictures of those I was following in poses in front of the mirror, ugh

mrsjay Sun 02-Mar-14 12:38:54

the bubble woman I know by the sounds of it had a really rubbish childhood her dad didnt seem the best sadly, I wonder if it is a fight for attention thing rather than a spoiled thing , but these folk have no clue how absorbed they are

MissBetseyTrotwood Sun 02-Mar-14 12:52:25

Love the 'bubble of self'. Like previous poster I have also deleted fb account. Now gloriously free of a lot of this type of behaviour.

spritesoright Sun 02-Mar-14 13:09:36

My dsis is the queen of 'bubble of self'. She actually got diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder when she admitted herself to hospital. But did that help her reach some kind of self reflection? Not in the least.
You can call people on this but only if they're ready to listen. Otherwise you're just enabling it.

Caitlin17 Sun 02-Mar-14 13:36:36

I left a smallish dinner party last night after an hour because of such a person.

A group of 7 friends spent the afternoon together visiting a cultural attraction we'd been talking about for a while but had never got round to. At no point was it necessary to the conversation for anyone to talk about themselves.

One person who had been swithering about coming, didn't attend but turned up at the after event drinks and meal. She spent an hour talking loudly and exclusively about herself, how exhausting her work is (we all work) how exciting and interesting her life is etc etc. It was very boring and spoilt the day.

WorraLiberty Sun 02-Mar-14 13:40:10

My DS2's friend's Mum is like this

Even if you manage to get a couple of words in, she nods furiously and says "Mmmm...mmm...mmm"

But she's not listening, she just finds someone talking back to her an inconvenience because it stops her from talking about herself for a few seconds.

Anatana Sun 02-Mar-14 13:57:47

I like people like this so long as they are amusing with it. Saves me having to come up with conversation. I'm terrible at conversation/small talk.

Chottie Sun 02-Mar-14 14:02:08

I've edited several people like this out of my life smile Life is just toooo short. These people are emotionally draining.

Undertone Sun 02-Mar-14 14:06:25

I think I might be one of those people sad

I notice myself doing it then get very self conscious and feel rubbish. So I make the effort to get others talking about themselves, but it seems rude to just KEEP asking questions. I feel like I'm interrogating them, but they just say one thing and seem to stop.

Tbh I'm happier when not talking but I can't bear silence in a social situation, so I tend to babble and over share. I'm quite a boring, staid person but the stuff I come out with males people think I'm totally uninhibited! Then I also make up mad opinions to try and stimulate a debate, so I end up regretting what I've said later on, too. But explaining that you try and be a cultural relativist and honestly can't get worked up about the tube strikes isn't really conducive to banter. It's just easier to fake an ego and opinions.

Odd much? Me? Nah...

Pigsmummy Sun 02-Mar-14 14:21:11

Empathy doesn't come easily to some people. Could you subtlety try to help by asking how she thinks others might be feeling? or ditch the bitch as others said.

MissBetseyTrotwood Sun 02-Mar-14 14:22:39

But possibly creepier are the people who ask lots of questions and divulge nothing of themselves? I've come away from nights out realising I've been questioned at length by certain of these and felt guilty and weird. Did I talk too much? Why don't I know anything about them when I did the reciprocal conversation thing?

chocoluvva Sun 02-Mar-14 14:36:05

Oh Undertone! Were you separated from your identical twin at birth? I'm EXACTLY the same get very self-conscious and feel rubbish.....can't bear silence....babble and overshare...a boring, staid person....stimulate a debate...regretting what I've try and be a cultural relativist.. shock

But you're very articulate - I bet you're very good company. It sounds like you have a sense of humour - OP is probably thinking of people who make no attempt to find out about other people and probably do a mix of bragging and complaining. You sound like a people pleaser. At least your heart is in the right place.

tethersend Sun 02-Mar-14 14:39:55

I'm struggling to see how any of this affects me, TBH.

hardbeingme Sun 02-Mar-14 14:42:30

on an entirely unrelated note mil is visiting today. can't think why this thread made me think of her... grin

lazyhound444 Sun 02-Mar-14 14:54:47

I've managed to phase all these types out of my life although I didn't have many actual "friends" like this, mostly just school gate acquaintances and work colleagues. I always think it's amazing that I could list almost everything about these people's lives down to how many cornflakes they had in their breakfast bowl where they would struggle to even remember my name.

Adeleh Sun 02-Mar-14 15:00:32

Undertone - if you worry about being such a person and take steps not o be, you almost certainly aren't. smile

jonicomelately Sun 02-Mar-14 15:02:37

I know several people like this. DP has had a major and very serious operation recently. They'll ask about him but nanoseconds later they'll turn it into a conversation about themselves.

AnnaLegovah Sun 02-Mar-14 15:02:43


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