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AIBU to stop cooking for my ungrateful H?

(147 Posts)
haggardolebat Sat 01-Mar-14 09:40:18

So my husband and I just moved into our own home, and I've started to cook now. RD and I eat what I cook but everytime I cook for him he'll come home and decline my meals. I feel really bad because I am trying to be a supportive wife as he works 6 days a week and he's supporting me by doing so (SAHM) But I don't what to do since he doesn't want to eat it. he'd look at it like it's poison and eat a few spoonfuls and then make his own dinner. We are from different cultures, I'm English and his family is Ghanaian. His mother has always been his cook, even after we got married, because we were living with her while saving for our place. And she'd always do the cooking for the family. I always helped her cook but the time taken to cook a meal is unrealistic for me to do everyday (She spends the whole day cooking and loves it but I have school pick ups etc and I'm 39 weeks pregnant too) not to mention, it takes a lot of practice and I don't want to experiment with dinner.

AIBU to stop cooking for him and just cook for DD and I? I know it'll cause fights between us which I really do not want, but I can't take the insults. The food I cook is loved by DD and she's a fussy eater so it's not like it's disgusting food.

What would you do?

Undertone Sat 01-Mar-14 09:41:53

Have you spoken to him about it?

CalamitouslyWrong Sat 01-Mar-14 09:42:22

Your husband is rude and you should stop making food for someone who insults you/it.

CoffeeTea103 Sat 01-Mar-14 09:42:42

Do you cook whatever you feel like or stuff that he likes as well?

pictish Sat 01-Mar-14 09:43:47

What does he have to say about this I wonder?

FrigginRexManningDay Sat 01-Mar-14 09:45:22

I in no way would cook or do anything to such an ungrateful person. If he wants his mothers cooking he can go home to his mothers.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep Sat 01-Mar-14 09:48:12

What's the difference between the food you are cooking and the food he is?

HAve you actaully talked to him about this?

Topaz25 Sat 01-Mar-14 09:48:59

He sounds very rude! My DH is a fussy eater but he always thanks me for making dinner. Does your DH show he appreciates you in other ways?

HandragsNGladbags Sat 01-Mar-14 09:52:11

But if my DH cooked hot curries every night I would never eat them because I really dislike them. Not because I am ungrateful.

Maybe try and find some meals that you both like?

CalamitouslyWrong Sat 01-Mar-14 09:54:45

It sounds very much like the issue is that the DH won't eat anything she prepared because it isn't the Ghanaian food his mother spends all day cooking (and which the OP has neither time nor the knowledge to cook). Why should anyone have to take over the role of their husband's mother?

Pinter Sat 01-Mar-14 09:56:01

DP & I have very different tastes in food

We eventually came up with a list of meals he was prepared to eat & I was prepared to cook. We plan the coming week's meals & it's working out better

Would something like that work?

haggardolebat Sat 01-Mar-14 10:00:58

I spoke to him last night before we fell asleep and he said that "You married me knowing I only eat Ghanaian food so who's fault is that?"
to which I responded "But you married me knowing I haven't eaten Ghanaian food and have been willing to try yet you won't even eat the food I cook"

We argued over it but I stopped the 'conversation' because I could feel my blood boiling over it

haggardolebat Sat 01-Mar-14 10:03:20

Calam that's exactly the point.

Pinter I always meal plan and leave it on the fridge for him to look at. He doesnt object until it's on his plate.

I made Roast dinner last night with gravy and he poked the potatoes and sighed

DarlingGrace Sat 01-Mar-14 10:03:36

Several threads over several boards at the moment about heavily pregnant women with African husbands who wont eat their dinner.

CalamitouslyWrong Sat 01-Mar-14 10:06:20

Honestly OP. He married you knowing you don't cook Ghanaian food, so more fool him!

haggardolebat Sat 01-Mar-14 10:06:27

Topaz I do most things in the house except putting the bins out. I make sure it's spotless before he gets home and dinner is always made. His clothes are always washed and ironed and DD is well looked after. I never complain about my SPD or pregnancy related pains (anymore) I just get on with it. He doesn't show much appreciation but he works long hours for us so I leave it at that

haggardolebat Sat 01-Mar-14 10:07:15

So AIBU in refusing to cook for him since he cooks his own dinner anyway?

haggardolebat Sat 01-Mar-14 10:08:28

Darlinggrace I'm not surprised. Not all African men are like this but I've seen some nasty ones

nkf Sat 01-Mar-14 10:11:40

It's a prize pain when your husband has different food tastes to you AND is fussy. Isn't there anything you both like? How come you are only just living together?

CailinDana Sat 01-Mar-14 10:11:45

My dh is a picky eater. I'll eat what he cooks, he won't eat what I cook. Therefore he cooks. Simple. If he refused to cook and then complained about what I cook there would be no discussion about it, I would just stop cooking for him.

CalamitouslyWrong Sat 01-Mar-14 10:13:25

That's odd, DarlingGrace.

In any case, the Ghanaian food/Ghanaian husband thing isn't really the issue. My DH is English but I would be equally unimpressed if he refused to eat my food/implied it was disgusting, and even more so if the reason was that it is different from what MIL cooks.

DH is a fussy bugger and I do try to accommodate his likes and dislikes, but I don't tolerate rudeness about food I've worked hard to prepare. In fact, I get very annoyed if he complains because our diets are so often based a round his likes and dislikes which means that I often make food I'm not all that keen on (macaroni cheese, which he loves and so do the kids) and never make a huge number of foods I do like because he won't eat them (unless DH is not there). And sometimes I do expect him to suck it up and eat something he's not entirely keen on, because (a) he doesn't cook and (b) otherwise he gets to dictate everyone's diets.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Sat 01-Mar-14 10:15:30

There's a thread running atm about a man from nigeria and almost this exact same thing. here

I'll say here what I said there

What a crock of crap.
my husband is kenyan and he eats whatever is put in front of him and is grateful for someone choosing to cook a meal for him!
Your husbands choice to be so rude has got sweet fa to do with his tastebuds or culture. There is nothing about any culture in the world that permits or excuses being a twat. Thats down to the individual.

furthermore, people have GOT to stop trying to ascribe shitty behaviour to Being African.

It's ridiculous.

This is your husband. The man. The individual. That's what you deal with.

haggardolebat Sat 01-Mar-14 10:15:38

nkf we've been living at his mother's house for a while to enable us to save.

BillyBanter Sat 01-Mar-14 10:15:47

Do you like Ghanaian food? Maybe you can a. get him to teach you how to cook Ghanaian food and b. only cook for you and DC on the nights you cook british food.

Does he never eat british food when out and about?

BillyBanter Sat 01-Mar-14 10:17:44

Also there are plenty of british people who only seem to eat british food at british caffs when on holiday. It's not an 'African' thing.

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