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To have cancelled dds birthday party (feel guilty)

(52 Posts)
moldingsunbeams Fri 28-Feb-14 20:50:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProfessorSkullyMental Fri 28-Feb-14 20:54:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoffeeTea103 Fri 28-Feb-14 20:54:30

No need to feel guilty. It's about priorities. Your mums surgery is a priority, it's a moment for your dd to learn that sometimes other things are more important. Maybe you could explain that your mums surgery is a difficult time now but you could do something more low key.
Speak to the other mum and explain the situation.

candycoatedwaterdrops Fri 28-Feb-14 20:55:12

How old is she? If the surgery is on the same day, then it's understandable but if it's not then YABU.

GimmeDaBoobehz Fri 28-Feb-14 20:55:56

How old is DD? Old enough to understand that it's because Granny needs an operation? If so I would explain to her.

If not just tell her you will do something equally fun just not that day. She'll be upset now but will get over it fairly soon.

Phone up kind Mum and explain something family related has come up and you are really sorry and perhaps offer to reimburse the cost or part of it.

Hope your Mum does well and your ddaughter has a fabulous day smile

Fantissue Fri 28-Feb-14 20:57:46

Don't feel guilty at all! If someone is having surgery and needs your support then it's a one off thing - the party can be rescheduled.

moldingsunbeams Fri 28-Feb-14 20:59:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littledrummergirl Fri 28-Feb-14 21:03:58

On Ds2s 4th birthday we had arranged a meal out with loads of friends.

1 hr before dh collapsed with chest pains. My brother drove my dcs in our car, dpil hosted and I followed the ambulance to hospital.

Dh recovered and ds2 always remembers the excitement of an ambulance coming on his birthday, not the worry.

Unless it is the same day I wouldnt cancel.

eightandthreequarters Fri 28-Feb-14 21:06:08

We're missing a lot of crucial information: is the operation the same day? Before? After?

Do you live near your mum?

How old is DD?

Assuming the op is not the same day, is there someone else who can stay with your mum for the day?

Northernlurker Fri 28-Feb-14 21:07:45

I can see why dd is upset tbh. I'm assuming you're talking a teen/pre teen? Oh dear - this trip out is a BIG thing for her.
Will your mum really require all day attention? Has she no friends or other relatives who can pitch in? Failing that have you a sil or cousin or something who could take dd and friends?

NatashaBee Fri 28-Feb-14 21:09:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

anothernumberone Fri 28-Feb-14 21:10:42

Tbh cancelling would be my absolute last option as you have co opted another mum in as a favour and she may have bought tickets. That said if it is the only option then there is nothing you can do. It is a very hard lesson but life sometimes gets in the way.

Unless my mother was in surgery that day and needed me there, I wouldn't cancel. At the very most I would postpone or move it forward. This means a huge amount to your daughter. Of course she sees it as a punishment - she knows you are angry about inviting more guests and that you didn't really want to go anymore. She will think your mother'a illness is an excuse and she won't be the only one.

JumpingJackSprat Fri 28-Feb-14 21:16:14

I'd have cancelled it after she started inviting other kids.

moldingsunbeams Fri 28-Feb-14 21:28:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floggingmolly Fri 28-Feb-14 21:35:35

Why not reshedule the trip for her actual birthday instead of the other stuff? It's sad if she thinks it's a punishment.

100PercentDiscocunt Fri 28-Feb-14 21:37:10

God this all sounds such hard work.

Why on earth would the other children's parents think their kids were invited without speaking to you? I would never think one of mine was invited to ANYTHING on just the child's say so, Kidd can be horrors for this and the normal and accepted reaction from you should have been 'sorry, dd got carried away with the invites'.

And cancelling her party because grandma is in hospital is really shitty, sorry.

That kind of thing will stay with your dd forever, believe me.

HarderToKidnap Fri 28-Feb-14 21:38:56

I'm not sure why you can't still go. Drop mum at hosp at 7, be at theme park by 930. Leave park at 4, be at hospital by 6 and pick mum up if she's coming home, visit her if she's staying. She'll be in theatre all day, you won't be able to see her until she is out of recovery anyway. I think it would be massively letting DD down. It sounds like you haven't got much support and have a lot on your shoulders, but no need to hang around near a hospital for the day!

thenamestheyareachanging Fri 28-Feb-14 21:41:42

I wouldn't cancel it. I know my mum wouldn't want her grandchild's birthday outing cancelled because of her operation. The hospital shouldn't discharge her if she can't be left alone and there's no-one at home. And can't you move the trip to another day, even if it's a couple of weeks before or after her birthday if you're really not prepared to go that day. IMO, children's needs have to be put first and your dd will have been so excited for ages. I think it's an awful thing to do to a child.

Abbierhodes Fri 28-Feb-14 21:42:26

I think you're being very unfair on the other kids who are looking forward to it.

hippo123 Fri 28-Feb-14 21:42:38

I would have cancelled it after she invited other kids as well. Yanbu.

manicinsomniac Fri 28-Feb-14 21:44:19

You've already done it then.

Doesn't matter what people think now. Un-cancelling would cause even more hassle.

AgentProvocateur Fri 28-Feb-14 21:46:02

Your poor DD. Please rearrange the theme park for an earlier date. Imagine her having to go and "uninvite" all her friends. It's a really big deal at that age, and with a wee bit of reorganisation, you could go ahead with it.

SaucyJack Fri 28-Feb-14 21:47:07

I'd rather do a half-day at the theme park tbh if it was one of mine.

pinkbear82 Fri 28-Feb-14 21:54:02

For what it's worth, my dad is currently in hospital after heart surgery on Tuesday. There is no way he could come home and look after himself.
If your dd is old enough to invite others, and understand she shouldn't have, she's old enough to understand that ops MUM needs her daughter to help her.

Op if you want any heads up on what might be expected for your mum, please feel free to pm me. May be nothing similar, but happy to talk it thru thanks

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