To hope my boss gets depression?

[ziggiestardust]

I'm seething.

Poor bloke at work (I'm in charge of a small team) has been going through a tough time lately. I was aware of it, but wasn't aware of how much it had clearly affected him. The boss pulled him in, dressed him down over a very minor incident. Fair enough, even though I felt it was a bit harsh on him and an overreaction by the boss. But it turned out that it was the straw that broke the camel's back for him I guess. He came back to the office and just burst into tears. He was in bits. He's never like this; usually the life and soul.

I took him into a quiet room and he told me that a lot had been going on for him, and he had just reached breaking point. I listened to him talk, then took him home and told him to report to the doctor first thing this morning (we are military).

Anyway, he reported to the doc and got signed off. He went back into the office to tell the boss he'd been signed off with some tablets. He got pretty upset in there as he felt ashamed of himself, and the boss implied that he thought he'd just got himself signed off to get out of work and for some free time off, and told that there would be no let up in pressure when he got back and that he needed to 'pull it together'. He was in absolute bits. He was almost hyperventilating by the time I saw him, he was crying so hard. He wasn't faking it.

I'm beyond angry; I've suffered depression in the past and what is needed is compassion and understanding, not someone telling you to pull yourself together ffs. AIBU to wish depression on him, just so he can feel the depths of despair you reach so he can realise a bit of bloody compassion?

[UnicornCrisps]

He sounds like an utter emotionless fuckbasket.

[ziggiestardust]

unicorn he fucking is. He is a cunt.

I just sat in the loo and had a little sob for my colleague. I've texted him to check he's alright, and I will take over a cookie basket on Sunday or something to let him and his family know they are in my thoughts.

[puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE]

YABU to wish depression on someone, but I can understand your anger.

A punter at work the other day decided to tell me that my depression was actually just laziness Yes I'm so lazy I'm doing a degree whist working and being a single mother.

Some people have no comprehension. I usually just say I'm glad you don't know what its like.

[Oldandcobwebby]

Yup. He is a cunt. Why do people like this keep breathing?

[shakinstevenslovechild]

Oh is that how you get over depression, just 'pull it together' your boss is a knobend genius

[ziggiestardust]

And how DARE he insinuate that he's just trying to get off work! I'm absolutely beside myself with rage. How are people like this still working?! It's unbelievable!

I know it's nasty, but I don't care. I WANT him to experience it so he can feel as hopeless and despairing as my colleague does right now and I hope HIS boss is as cold as he was.

[UnicornCrisps]

There is so much ignorance around depression it makes me feel sick. The fact your friend felt ashamed of himself when the boss should be the one ashamed, grr. You sound like a good friend, though.

[WorraLiberty]

No I wouldn't wish depression on anyone.

I do wish people like your boss would get some empathy and understanding though.

[puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE]

Can you make a formal complaint ziggie?

[ziggiestardust]

It didn't happen to me so I doubt I can complain. And I really don't think my colleague will want to, although I will suggest it when he's feeling better. He's a company 'yes' man usually iykwim.

[puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE]

Can you give him a piece of your mind? I don't really know what to do in this situation

[ziggiestardust]

I can't unfortunately see the part about me being military? Yep, takes any power I would have away!

[puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE]

That's what I meant about the situation. I don't really know what the protocol is in the military but I assumed it wouldn't be easy

Sorry OP. Fucking stinks really. I hope your colleague is ok.

[littledrummergirl]

Im not military but in my workplace we expected to report things that arent right if we are aware of them.
I would go through the chain of command with what I had witnessed.

[ClockWatchingLady]

^ what Worra & puds said.

[BeetlebumShesAGun]

I fucking hate people like this. My DP was pretty much forced to resign by his boss over depression. He had it but was managing it pretty well, got a new job that was quite stressful combined with some personal problems and it reared his head again. He took some time off and was honest about his illness. His boss put him straight on a disciplinary for absence even though he hadn't had any previous absences. When challenged the boss told him he shouldn't have applied for the job if he couldn't cope. I tried to get advice from HR about our company's mental health discrimination guidelines, remaining anonymous and they replied with my DP's name and role basically backing up the boss. DP had a "discussion" with HR and his boss and he was encouraged to resign on the spot, the alternative was to go on an absence management plan and if he ever got I'll again he would be fired.

It makes me sick. DP is now scared to tell his new employer about his illness in case they don't let him have time off.

Send your colleague lots of support. If you can't make a complaint I personally would make sure as many of our colleagues knew the real situation as possible.

[SoleSource]

No i wouldn`t wish depression on anybody. Even you.

[ziggiestardust]

What's the 'even you' comment about?!

[Gruntfuttock]

That was really nasty, Solesource The OP has been wonderfully caring to her colleague and I can certainly empathise with her wish for the boss to know what sheer unadulterated hell it is to have depression., when he has behaved so appallingly.

[Asteria]

the lovely tree huggy side of me is tipping her head to one side and crooning something about loving everyone equally and never wishing ill on anyone, even the most cunty unkind people we encounter.

the other side to me is wishing that everyone had an empathy button we could press that would give them an hour or two of whatever it is that they are being deeply unkind about. Surely the military has a course for teaching you all to hold hands and be supportive during times of difficulty (especially with all the ptsd that is flying around - my stepfather has it from his time in Bosnia)??

You sound very kind and supportive and I am sure that is a massive consolation to the poor chap in question.

[ziggiestardust]

asteria they do, but there's no course that can cure cuntishness.