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To make a report to social services?

(104 Posts)
HappyWasGoLucky Fri 28-Feb-14 00:02:09

Name changed, I'm a regular. Pom bears, naice ham, penis beaker.

This is long, I apologise!

A family member of mine has been interviewed under caution regarding an incident in which her child (2 years old) was hurt. Social Services turned up at her house several weeks ago and took her and her two boys to hospital (2 and 3) because of a severe mark on the two year olds face. She told the hospital staff and social services that he and his brother were fighting and he fell over and hurt his face on a toy bus, which they accepted.

Fast forward several weeks and she has rang SS and told them that she lied and she hit him round the head which caused him to fall on the toy bus. She had a child action meeting with SS and the police in which she admitted hitting her son.

Following this meeting the police rang her and told her to present herself at the police station for interview as they were going to charge her with assault on a minor. Following the interview, the police are going to make a decision on whether to charge her with assault on a minor and give her a caution or proceed to court.

She and her mother are now down-playing the incident and saying that she only gave a small tap on the top of his head with the palm of her hand and that SS are trying to stitch her up for something she didn't do.

The thing is, I know of and have witnessed previous instances in which these boys have been emotionally and physically neglected and have been hit.

I've witnessed her smack the elder child round the head because he wasn't leaving a room quick enough. I went round one afternoon and neither boys were dressed or washed, they both had nappies on that were dangling down to their knees and the elder child had quite obviously had a poo. I told her he had soiled his nappy and she said 'yeah, I need to change him' and then proceeded to sit down and talk to me for an hour about her boyfriend. When she did finally change him the poo was stuck to his bum so it had obviously been left for a while.

I've witnessed the children throw bricks around the back garden whilst she sits in the kitchen smoking and gossiping, absolutely no supervision whatsoever. On another day, this actually resulted in another child's head being split open by a brick and an ambulance was called. The ambulance man was so concerned at the state of her children that he called the police.

Her elder child has taken to wetting himself when someone shouts, it doesn't even have to be him getting told off.

So basically, the police and SS are focussing solely on this one incident with the bus and her smaller child, they know nothing of anything else.

I know that by reporting this I will be opening myself up to all sorts of abuse and I will probably be outcast from the family (bar my own immediate members). But I feel that by not reporting this that she will more than likely be let off with a caution and the children will continue to suffer. sad


FudgefaceMcZ Fri 28-Feb-14 00:04:35

No, YANBU at all.

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 28-Feb-14 00:06:12

The golden rule is, if you have to ask whether to report, you should report. The eldest is wetting himself if someone shouts. sad They need help.

olgaga Fri 28-Feb-14 00:09:40

Do it. Youll need courage but whatever you lose, those children will gain.

Lemonraisin Fri 28-Feb-14 00:09:46

YANBU. There is no justice without witnesses. Be brave.

theyoniwayisnorthwards Fri 28-Feb-14 00:10:37

You have to report, the children cannot protect themselves and they need you to do it for them. I know this is easier said than done and I understand there will be consequences for you, but those consequences are much less severe than what these babies will have to endure if this is allowed to continue.

DameFanny Fri 28-Feb-14 00:10:57

If you're ostracised for looking out for these children are these people you want in your life anyway?

Yanbu. Please phone ss.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Fri 28-Feb-14 00:12:03


bedouincheek Fri 28-Feb-14 00:12:03

I think you know the answer, which is why you have written here. I would not want to be in your position, but I can only imagine what the children are going though, so if you can in any way aid in improving this situation, then you have to. I hope the support of your immediate family is strong enough for you. If you can in any way give some information and try and stay as anonymous as possible. Ask for advice. Oh Happy, I wish you luck

SinisterBuggyMonth Fri 28-Feb-14 00:13:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WilsonFrickett Fri 28-Feb-14 00:15:23

Be brave. Report. Don't let these children fall through the net.

Caitlin17 Fri 28-Feb-14 00:17:39

You're looking for support. You already know you're not being unreasonable.

Alisvolatpropiis Fri 28-Feb-14 00:38:10

Yanbu. There is something very wrong there.

IneedAwittierNickname Fri 28-Feb-14 00:46:19

Be brave, report. Those poor children sad

Finola1step Fri 28-Feb-14 01:30:22

You need to report. I'm quite sure that you know this and mnet will give you the reassurance you need.

The children are too young to speak up for themselves and explain what is happening. They do not have the language or the emotional capacity to defend themselves. You do.

I think it is interesting that the mother has actually told the truth after probably being very close to getting away with the toy bus incident. She knows its wrong and on some level, wants something to be done. I say this as a professional trained in safeguarding children. There is probably much more to this than you know. She has actually told the truth but possibly others have had quiet words in her ear and now she is minimising. She's panicking.

Your information must be shared with social services. First thing tomorrow, before the weekend duty social worker rota kicks in. Your info may well be the tipping point which prompts the necessary investigations and discussions.

I wish you well OP.

littlewhitebag Fri 28-Feb-14 06:38:59

I am a SW and work in child protection. You need to pass on what you you know under the spirit of. ' It's everyone's job to make sure I'm ok'. Young children cannot speak up for themselves and need people who will speak out to ensure their safety. Call them today don't wait until something else much worse happens.

wowfudge Fri 28-Feb-14 06:59:18

You've seen the other responses OP. YWBU not to report to ss. Your friend needs a big wake up call, not to carry on behaving like this then downplaying her poor behaviour. Hopefully she and her dc will get the help they need.

wallaby73 Fri 28-Feb-14 07:04:54

It's worth adding you can ask ss to protect your anonymity.....

midnightagents Fri 28-Feb-14 07:10:19

Normally I would say stay out of it if at all possible (some of the things people want to report on here are ridiculous). But these boys are being neglected, and possibly at serious risk of harm. You need to report now, hopefully they will act quickly for the sake of those kids sad

Fontofnowt Fri 28-Feb-14 07:11:29

I hope you all get the help and support needed.
Good luck OP.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Fri 28-Feb-14 07:44:59

As a children's nurse I'm also saying please report. These children need protecting. They'll be able to tell from the mark left that it wasn't a light tap btw.

wonderingteacher Fri 28-Feb-14 07:58:17

Please report it - I would hate to be in your position but I would do it, definitely. It's not tale telling or anything, the mum needs help. Is their dad around at all?

If you don't report it you're always going to be worried - and lower level neglect can lead on - if she thinks it's fine to leave them unsupervised in the garden she might think it's okay to leave them for ten minutes to nip to the shop, an hour to go to the pub...

DomesticDisgrace Fri 28-Feb-14 08:21:38

It would be unreasonable not to report

HappyWasGoLucky Fri 28-Feb-14 08:42:50

Thank you for your responses.

I guess I do know that I should report it and I'm sort of looking for support? Or people to say they would do the same.

Does anyone have any experience of this? Do I ring and give details of everything I know.

I don't know if I'll be able to stay anonymous as my sister has told me quite a lot and I will need to give her name in case they want to talk to her. She has said she will tell SS what she has witnessed if they ask but will not seek them out to inform them.

I feel sad. sad

bragmatic Fri 28-Feb-14 08:47:24

Yes, I'd do the same. Yes, give details of everything you know and have witnessed.

I'd also contact your sister and make a last ditch effort to get her to report, also.

The standard you walk past, is the standard you accept.

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