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To feel left out?

(8 Posts)
theimposter Thu 27-Feb-14 23:15:54

Quick back story; I have been good friends with a group of couples, in particular one who is my 'best mate' locally and I was her chief bridesmaid. I feel lagging behind them all in terms of relationships after a bad one that wasted my late 20's and so they have in the meantime all got married and in the last year had babies. I moved out with my DP to an area a short drive away and since then I feel quite ostracised. I'm not great with babies as have older DSC but I feel offended that we rarely get invited over any more and also that my 'best friend' is so absorbed with her baby that she doesn't bother replying to messages most of the time. I know babies keep you busy but sometimes she doesn't reply at all. They tell me that none of them meet as much now but I can't help feeling a bit left out.

They are meant to be meeting this weekend and one of them had invited myself and DP last time we saw them individually but I haven't heard anything since then re actual arrangements. I have messaged 2 of them (Best mate by text a week ago and the one who invited us tonight) and no response. I've given up actually ringing BM as she doesn't answer and leaving voicemails is hit and miss as to getting a reply. Am I being paranoid or should I just move on and find friends who reflect my own interests more? My BM is totally unaware that myself and DP have nearly broken up in the past month and is quite scathing about my 'babies' (animals!) I just feel she is only interested in her baby now and a bit sad that she has no idea about my life these days when she was always a close friend before.

mymiraclebubba Thu 27-Feb-14 23:26:32

i am sorry you are feeling left out but as a new mum i can say that baby brain is still alive and kicking! several of my friends have left voicemails/texts/facebook posts asking if i still exist etc as i am crap at replying these days. it genuinely isn't deliberate but if DD is having a bad day then i can be in bed by 8 as i am so exhausted and others i am still mainlining coffee to stay awake til 2/3/4am if she is having an unsettled night.

please try and be patient and if necessary make an extra effort to turn up on her door step if needs be as i am sure you will both appreciate it! as a new mum it is very isolating and when old friends who don't have kids stop calling/coming over it is disheartening for us and stops us making the effort back.

people who spent my whole pregnancy telling me how excited they were and how much they couldn't wait to meet baby still have not been in touch in spite of me trying to arrange visits etc, people i thought were very close friends

i don't think you are being wholly unreasonable in feeling left out but you may be better served in talking to them all face to face and maybe arrange something yourself rather than waiting for others to do it

theimposter Thu 27-Feb-14 23:41:39

Thank you; I do understand it is hard with young ones and DP and I do always make the effort to go over when we get an invite but the way things are I wouldn't feel comfortable just turning up as well as the fact that I am not just round the corner any more and busy with work and my own commitments. The babies are all over a year now so I guess I was expecting they'd be over the initial knackering period. I have another best friend who lives several hours away and we have maintained a good friendship despite her baby arriving as she does make a returned effort back. BM here has always been a bit jealous of her but with my other friend I feel more comfortable around her and the baby as she is more laid back. I put the lack of contact down to Christmas etc but still nothing so am starting to wonder if I have upset her somehow!

theimposter Fri 28-Feb-14 13:49:50

Well I'm definitely starting to take this personally; still no response so I guess I'm not going...

gingermop Fri 28-Feb-14 15:07:10

my best friend recently had a baby, mine are school ago so was worried id b cut out.
wen her dd arrived I made a huge effort to b there to help any time, took meals, watched her lo while she napped, didnt really give my friend a choice, I visit lots, haha.
we was out to luch the other day and told me she was worried wen her baby came I wouldnt wanna c her as much, id get borde with all the baby stuff so shed tried not to talk about baby stuff too much.
maybe ur friends feeling that way.
im so glad I made that extra effort mainly cause I still have my best friend and also I have completly fallen in love with her dd and think half time im going round there to spend time with her instead of my bm grin

Scholes34 Fri 28-Feb-14 16:49:25

Still going through the knackered phase and DC are 16, 15 and 13.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Fri 28-Feb-14 16:52:31

Babies and tiredness are not an excuse for treating a friend badly

My DD hardly sleeps. .am ill with tiredness but still keep with with friends.

I would tell them you are feeling quite hurt and see what they say.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Fri 28-Feb-14 16:53:42

* keep up with friends.

I may treat friends well but cant type.

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