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AIBU?

to feel a little disappointed that my children have been uninvited to a wedding.

181 replies

emptychair · 27/02/2014 22:27

Just that really.

I get that they can have whatever wedding they want, their day, their way, etc etc. But nothing was mentioned at the save the date stage, or the reserving the accommodation stage.

I'd already RSVPed with a yes from all of us so how do I word my reply? Obv, if we can't get childcare, we won't be able to go after all.

This may sound pathetic to some but I'm actually really sad about it and not looking forward to telling the children they won't be going after all.

OP posts:

Report

OwlinaTree · 27/02/2014 22:29

So you rsvp'd to what? The save the date or an invite?

phantomnamechanger · 27/02/2014 22:30

were the kids names on the save the date card then? if not YABU to assume they were going to be invited. or have they actually been invited, then the B&G have changed their minds??

ComposHat · 27/02/2014 22:31

What made you assume they were going? Unless the save the date thingy specially mentioned the children, I think you were presumptuous to assume they'd be invited and silly to tell the children they were going.

mymiraclebubba · 27/02/2014 22:31

its a bit naughty if they haven't mentioned it on the invites etc that kids are not invited - i have to say like you i would assume an invitation was for the whole family unless otherwise stated.

have they actually come out and now said no kids? if not is it worth just having a quick word? otherwise it will be a case of letting them know that as much as you would love to go you will be unable to if you cannot make suitable arrangements for you children

Monetbyhimself · 27/02/2014 22:31

Their names were on the save the date card ? And you had a conversation with the bride or groom about the children attending ?

And now they've changed their minds ?

WhoNickedMyName · 27/02/2014 22:33

What made you think your children were invited in the first place?

Beamur · 27/02/2014 22:33

I'd not make a big deal out of it to the happy couple, but simply state that you might not be able to come now after all due to childcare issues.
How old are your children? Could you use the money you would have otherwise spent on taking them away somewhere else (that will probably be loads more fun than a boring wedding)?
I was invited to a wedding last year but my DD was not and it meant we couldn't go as I've no one I could ask to look after her for that long.

HadABadDay2014 · 27/02/2014 22:34

Unless it said dear emptychair and children please save the date for 30th February 2015 for our wedding, why did you assume other wise.

phantomnamechanger · 27/02/2014 22:34

invitations are for those named on them only.

ie we get invited as
Mr & Mrs surname, or Mr & Mrs surname & family, or just myname & hisname, or myname, hisname, and kids names. there should be no chance of it being ambiguous

WooWooOwl · 27/02/2014 22:35

Have they actually been uninvited, or did you just assume they were invited when they weren't?

YouAreTalkingRubbish · 27/02/2014 22:36

More details are needed.....

(But I am guessing YABU .....)

emptychair · 27/02/2014 22:37

All done by email in terms of being environmentally friendly.

Email Save the date back in December then an email link to the wedding website and about reserving the venue accommodation at the beginning of Jan which I replied immediately to mentioning all of us (and the children by name).

Email today saying that after a meeting with the MOB recently, they've decided to go no children under 10.

It's family (groom) and DD was part of the last family wedding party (same side).

OP posts:

emptychair · 27/02/2014 22:40

There were no names at all on the save the date or the email with the link to the wedding website. I think what's made me assume is that I replied (mentioning the children) in my reply at the beginning of January. It's now the end of February. That and as I said, DD was a flowergirl at the last wedding. The email today even said how impeccably they behaved at the last wedding.

OP posts:

mymiraclebubba · 27/02/2014 22:41

in which case YANBU imo

HellomynameisIcklePickle · 27/02/2014 22:42

You're update is OUTRAGEOUS!!!

Yanbu yanbu yanbu

HellomynameisIcklePickle · 27/02/2014 22:43

Oh no! your

KickassCoalition · 27/02/2014 22:44

YASNBU.

Someone had a shit strop and as a result nixed the bairns.

Unaccept the invite.

WooWooOwl · 27/02/2014 22:44

Then I can understand your assumption and your subsequent disappointment, bit I think the fact that your dd was involved in the last wedding was irrelevant.

Snowdown · 27/02/2014 22:45

We had this - I got it wrong assumed kids were invited because of the odd way the save the date was worded wanted people to know who had families and would need to make special arrangements, we booked flights etc, spent a fortune, dh couldn't go as every person we knew was at the wedding and after paying £1k on flights we thought one if us should go. It was very frustrating but I didn't make a fuss...not my day!

Mandy21 · 27/02/2014 22:45

I'd assume the children were never invited and they (wedding couple) were surprised by your assumption (in your email about accommodation) that they were, they're trying to be kind and assure you that they're not invited because they're not inviting any young children, not because they think your children don't behave.

OwlinaTree · 27/02/2014 22:45

Well, it's their loss. Seems harsh when it's family not to have children there.

Can you get a refund on the accommodation?

Beamur · 27/02/2014 22:46

It sounds like maybe the wedding guests have got out of hand and they are trying to trim the numbers. I'd have assumed kids were invited too at the outset and it sounds like they've moved the goalposts.

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phantomnamechanger · 27/02/2014 22:46

in the light of your update, they were BVU to not put names on invites and are BU now to say they have only now decided to uninvite kids

how many other kids will this affect on your side of family?

Tommy · 27/02/2014 22:46

well - YANBU to be disappointed but you'll just have to either not go, or just the adults go.
Your chldren may as well learn that weddings make people go a bit mad

2rebecca · 27/02/2014 22:47

I'd reply saying that you aren't now able to go and are disappointed that they didn't sort out who they were inviting before asking people to book accomodation.
I probably wouldn't go now out of pissed offedness even if I could get a babysitter.
The save the date thing when you haven't sorted out your invite list is just stupid and selfcentred.

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